Stillbirth and Singing Androids

Welcome to the podcast where I invite you on a journey to explore meaning vulnerability and purpose through the lens of a life lived in geekdom. I'm David Monteith and I am the naked geek.

Welcome back to the boudoir. Today I want to share a little tipple with you, it's a very special tipple, a whiskey it's a single malt, t he brewery's called Glen Scotia. It's a Glen Scotia, double cask. So it's matured in a bourbon barrel and then a Sherry barrel. So that gives you some really lovely sort of vanilla notes coming through.

But there's something about this it's 40%. Is it 40%? 46%. And so it's got strength. It's got body, but it's not overpowering. And in fact, when you finished, it's like you will drink in an orchard. It's not like you're drinking an orchard. It's like you've had this sip of whiskey. And then the orchard just wants to remind you that it exists and just leaves that after taste in your mouth, it is so lovely. And at 46% it's so drinkable, it's ridiculously drinkable. I mean, it's, it's what we call a Campbelltown whiskey. It comes from that area. And I really love the Campbelltown whiskeys. I find them a really comfortable drink for the experienced drinker and a really interesting way in for the new drinker.

But what makes it special is that this particular dram that I've had was from a bottle that was commissioned for the 75th anniversary of the Raid at St Nazaire in world war two. Now St Nazaire is a port, a dock in France that the Germans were going to dock a submarine there and why this is important was because the British launched a mission to sabotage that dock, so the Germans couldn't put their super sub there. Now the boat they sailed on was called the HMS Campbelltown. So you get the reference there. What makes it really important is that my wife's grandfather, Dick Bradley was one of those commandos on the mission, this mission, which was pretty much considered a suicide mission.

He was on the boat. He scrambled off the boat once they'd hit the dock trying to achieve his mission, to sabotage a bridge and he got shot in the lung and the bum. Now he survived and was put in a prison of war camp. Here's the other thing you need to understand about Dick Bradley, he was a German fighting for the British in the British army.

He was a German put in a German prisoner of war camp. We can imagine what that's like. He did three escape attempts and on the third escape attempt, he made it to Switzerland. He doesn't talk much about what he did for the remainder of the war one in Switzerland, but we do know he met a woman and when the war was over, he brought her back home and married her and if he hadn't done that, I wouldn't have my wife and my children. So, you know, here's to Dick Bradley. Now drinking this whiskey, it's really good whiskey. And it just felt really emotional because I never met the man, but I hear how his grandchildren and his children talk about him. And there's nothing but love and respect for this man and the kind of father that he was, the kind of grandfather that he was.

And we know that he went on this mission prepared to sacrifice all as many men did. It was, I don't even know how to describe. I never met the man and I wish I had, I don't even know how to describe what it felt like to sip this whiskey. Yeah, and it did not hurt that. It was a fantastic whiskey.

Now, Glen Scotia still do this double cask whiskey. I'll even put a link to it. If you get the chance to get yourself a bottle, I mean, it was just lovely. Um, so get on that if you get the chance, so here's to Dick Bradley my grandfather in law and all his comrades. So what are we talking about today?

So today I want to talk about the SciFi series raised by wolves. Now I've got totally consumed by that. Um, in the UK it's on sky or now TV. Uh, it's also an Amazon prime, but unfortunately you have to buy it. I hate the way Amazon prime does that. I'm paying your subscription. Why do I have to guess which ones I have to buy?

And anyway, anyway, um, I was attracted to it. I've heard good things. And I'm surprised to hear actually had the first two episodes were directed by Ridley. Scott is also the executive producer, and I think this is the first time he's directed TV in a good long while. Anyway, this is one of those shows where you watch an episode and you find yourself thinking, "what the hell is happening here?"

And then you find yourself compulsively pressing the next episode. So this show takes place after war on earth, between the Mithraics and the atheists. Now Mithraics are religious fundamentalists, and even though it's based on an ancient earth cult, it's blatantly an analog for Christians. Uh, so basically you've got a war between the religious fundamentalists and the atheist.

Yeah, the earth has, as a result of this war, it's become an inhospitable, wasteland and capable of supporting life. And if you happen to be a lucky Mithraic, you managed to get on the Ark, which is a spaceship that will take the remnants of humanity through space to find a hospitable planet. Now, meanwhile, and this is the focus of the show really, two Androids simply called Mother and Father have been sent to the planet, Kepler 22 B. Now this is a real planet and there is much speculation on its ability to sustain life due to certain similar qualities to earth. And actually they have a podcast accompanying their show where they get experts in various disciplines on to discuss issues raised by the show, and one of them is an astrophysicist who brings insight regarding the planet. I was going to say that episode's well-worth a listen, but I think all of it is, you know, looking at who they've got on. It's really fascinating. But back to mother and father, the Android's being sent with six embryos and charged with birthing them and raising them, starting a new colony without religious influence.

Now first, I've got to say the performances from Amanda Colin, and Abubukar Salim as mother and father respectively, are nothing short of stunning. And to be fair, a huge reason why this show is so compelling. They are just so good. Anyway, that's a lot of introduction to the show here, but I want it to focus on one thing, the births of the children.

Now through some process, it remains unexplained. Mother brings the embryos to full gestation and father assists in their birth. You can't see it, but I've kind of got my fingers up, like the rabbit ears thing, and father assists in their birth. Now all is well, except for the last baby, the youngest and smallest. The baby is essentially still born.

Now, Stillbirths, still born. These are phrases I stopped using. Soon after my daughter, Grace was stillborn in 2014, just over seven years as I'm recording this, we, my wife and I, we use the term dead baby as a reminder that she was real, she was a baby. We held her, we felt her weight. She was loved and she is loved.

She, wasn't just one of those things. And you'd be surprised how often you hear that. You know, she wasn't a medical anomaly. She was real and she mattered. In that vein, the other reason we use it is because we need people to connect with the fact that regardless of the length of time, we knew this child, our grief is real and palpable.

And I don't want to let anyone off the hook who vaguely thinks otherwise. Now you have to understand that back in 2014, this subject was avoided, not talked about. It was chalked up to the " One of those things" thing . And it's incredible to me how far we've come in seven years. The taboo is beginning to lift and things are beginning to be addressed both in terms of prevention and mental care post-birth.

So I was on edge watching this, just wondering how this show was going to handle the issue, because in general, I don't think TV or movies really handles maternity issues very well at all. So I was watching it and then this happened.

Clip from the show

Father: Last, but not least number six

He is not breathing.

Mother: Give him to me

Father: Our programming dictates that we need to break it down, feed him to the others.

Mother: Let me hold him first

Father: You need to save your energy for the others.

Mother: Wait

Mother sings a haunting wordless melody

Sound of baby crying

Even though the baby revives, I want to focus on the reaction of Mother when she thought the baby was dead. She thought the dead baby was worth the time to hug, to hold, to press to her skin and to sing too. Now I watched this with tears streaming down my face, and all I could think was I did that. I did that.

I hugged her. I held her, I pressed her to my skin and I sang to her and it was so important to do those things. And it was important to see this being done, to being represented. So to those like me, I just want to say, never feel hesitant about saying your dead baby's name because alive or dead, our children are important to those that have friends like me don't expect, or cajole your friends into finishing their grieving in a time frame that you think is fitting.

They're working out how to live around a grief that will never go away. They're working out where to put a love so big it defies description and definition. Our babies are not one of "those things". They're important. And for a scifi geek, like me watching a show that shows me an Android feel that importance was truly something special.

And I am so grateful for this show for depicting that and depicting the importance of it. Um, I feel that this episode's been a little bit all over the place, but that's because it's a really important issue to me. And it's incredibly important to see it represented. And it's kind of bowled me over. And even as I'm.

Uh, recording this episode, it's kind of got my brain firing in all sorts of directions I wasn't expecting, so thank you for bearing with me through this. Um, so what I want to do is say, if you need help, I'm going to leave a number of links in the show notes that you can, you can check out. So please take the time to check them out.

If you are a friend of somebody who's got a dead baby in their lives, then go and check out the links as well. And do you know what we love? If you claim to be a friend and you want to help, do you know what we love? We love saying our babies names. Give us an excuse to do that. So the only favour I'm asking you this week is to those links and give some love to your friends. Who've got dead babies. And let me assure you there's many more of us than you realise. So probably one of your friends is just like me. Thank you once more for stepping into the boudoir. I'm David Monteith, the Naked Geek.