[00:00:00] Introduction: Why We Fail at Our Goals

[00:00:00] Have you ever had this plan to drink less or start getting up early in the morning to exercise or eat differently? And then something happens, something, someone, or even maybe a thought or emotion gets in the way and you find yourself popping the wine cork or searching your cabinets for that leftover Halloween candy.

[00:00:21] In today's episode, I'm going to tell you the number one reason why this happens and questions to ask yourself to make sure that you are not ablindsided by what's really going on. So make sure you stay tuned to the very end of the episode.

[00:00:33] 

[00:00:58] Taking Back Your Power

[00:00:58] Camille Kinzler: Hello, dear one. I am excited about this podcast. We are going to talk about how we can get our power back, how we can remove some of this murkiness that might distract us and how we can really go for what we truly desire and love without blaming other people and things. So often we do that, right? So often we give our power away to people to our own thought, to other people's thoughts, to our emotion, to other people's emotion, to alcohol, to social media, to our dang hormones, even to our past decision.

[00:01:35] We blame this other thing for their reason. We are not full of energy, joy, or fulfilled in life. I know it has been the truth for me. Until I really understood what taking personal responsibility and accountability meant. And I hope in this episode that you will too. And of course, as always, stay tuned to the very end because I will give you questions to ask yourself.

[00:02:00] So you too can get very real with whether or not you are taking responsibility for things in your life or not. And love, this is a difficult conversation to have with oneself, to get really real with ourselves. And asking these hard questions can take courage. But you are brave. You are strong, and you can do this.

[00:02:22] The Victim Mentality

[00:02:22] Camille Kinzler: And we may use some harsh words in today's episode. I may use words like victim mentality and again, like words like accountability and those words might not really fill us up with. There's zing and zest for life, but again, let's take it for what it means and how this can help us move forward in life and love and creation and what we're really here for.

[00:02:45] And I bring these thoughts in this conversation forward today is I'm closing out my summer travels, which includes the social events and tons of sunshine that's sunkissed my skin as I look towards to what I'm really here to create and what I've been ignoring. What I've been ignoring about where I am in my life and where I want to go, my health and my wealth and my happiness and where I can take responsibility for where I am right now and really reflect back on maybe how I've pivoted in the past couple of months that haven't been as supportive as I would hopefully have wanted it to be for where I am now.

[00:03:27] And I'm not doing this from a place of guilt and shame, I'm doing this as a place of how can I use this information from the past to move forward with some sort of grace in the future? How can I take responsibility for it all? How can I prune the tree of life? And remove the things that are dying off or that are no longer helping me achieve what my heart truly desires, what my mission on this planet is to do.

[00:03:52] And we all have a mission on this planet. And some of it may look a lot bigger than others, but it's all the same. It's all to help move our world in this positive direction when we feel fulfilled. And that is all my hope is for you, is that you feel fulfilled in this world, that you feel like when you wake up in the morning, that you can change your brain and your mind and say, today is going to be a good day.

[00:04:18] So let's reflect, let's get honest. And let's have some fun as always as we clear up some of this murkiness and we can remove our little pointer finger that points at this one thing that's causing all of this frustration in your life. And just like structure can actually create freedom, same with that.

[00:04:37] When we can put our big girl pants on and we can use words like victim mentality and accountability. To clear up some of this murkiness, we can take our power back completely, and we can move through this world in a greater, more significant way. 

[00:04:51] Reflecting on Personal Responsibility

[00:04:51] Camille Kinzler: So have you found some little idiosyncrasy about somebody else that you felt was almost intolerable.

[00:04:58] Maybe your partner or your roommate doesn't put the toilet paper back on the toilet paper roll, or it doesn't put the lid back on the toothpaste. Or maybe it's a friend of yours that always talks with their mouth full, or maybe your partner drinks alcohol and you're really trying not to. Or maybe it's something altogether different.

[00:05:16] And sometimes these can seem like very small grievances when we compare them to larger ones. But when we set them apart, these can feel like huge, big annoyances that can grate on every single last nerve. Eckhart Tolle says, Wherever you are, be there totally. If you find you're here and now intolerable and it makes you unhappy, you have three options.

[00:05:38] Remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it totally. Now remind you of these three options as we move forward with today's podcast, but this requires that you take the driver's seat of your life and take responsibility for it. Responsibility is an inside job. We are either being responsible or we are not.

[00:05:58] There is no middle ground here. And often people act as if life is happening to them. I know that I have been there and I know that I still do that sometimes. And when you act like life is happening to you, then you deal with it as if you are a victim rather than taking 100 percent responsibility. And when I mean taking responsibility, it's taking responsibility for the way that you interpret what is going on, the way that you respond to what's going on.

[00:06:24] And the way that you participate in what's going on. Overall, we live in this victim culture and it happens everywhere. Something or someone is always doing something to us. TV is all about that, right? Every single series is about some sort of victim and some sort of issue. Life does not happen to you.

[00:06:42] You are the co creator of your experience. And this can be so hard to swallow. This can be a really huge concept to want to believe that your inside world reflects your outside world. It's the reflection looking back at you on the mirror. Okay. 

[00:06:57] Shifting Your Perspective

[00:06:57] Camille Kinzler: So have you ever had one of those moments where you're just feeling really great?

[00:07:01] You feeling super sexy or feeling that you accomplished something really big, maybe in your job or at home, things are just going really well. And when you look in the mirror, the reflection back at you is one of beauty and softness. Then have you also experienced these other times when you're feeling really self deprecating and you look in the mirror and that's what it reflects?

[00:07:24] Your wrinkles seem a little bit deeper, you have darker circles under your eyes, the imperfections of your skin is popping out. Now, you didn't change from one day to the next. Your skin didn't change, your tone didn't change, the way that you've looked for the past year hadn't changed so significantly that you can look in the mirror and see beauty and softness and then horridness just a couple of days later.

[00:07:51] It's because of the way that we are thinking about our environment is the way that we see it. And this happens in subtle ways around our life. This happens in subtle ways in our life. And maybe you've had moments when you feel like the world is against you. Maybe it's at home or at work or in your social life.

[00:08:08] And on those days, you might even say, everything is going wrong. Nothing ever goes my way. But what if you knew with 100 percent certainty that if you shifted your view just slightly to the positive, that there would be this seismic shift in your life? That you notice maybe that coworker is more of a team player and not noticing that coworker who criticizes everybody and everyone.

[00:08:33] Or maybe you notice that person who actually holds the door for you and your hands are full instead of the person who cuts you off in front of you. This is so fun to play with. I love to play with this when I'm looking for parking spots. When I'm in a negative mood about not being able to find parking and the parking lot's full, the grocery store's going be really busy.

[00:08:53] I shift and say, I'm going to find that great parking spot. I'm going to zoom to the grocery store super quickly and check out is going to be a breeze. And when I do that, I actually watch how it changes. What's that outcome? I mean, the grocery store is busy. The grocery store is busy. Who cares? Right? So I release some of that because I can't control what the outcome is.

[00:09:13] But when I change my emotion and sentiment around it, then the experience is better. And then I need to take accountability for. Showing up at the grocery store at 5 p. m. when everyone else is at the grocery store. 

[00:09:26] The Power of Accountability

[00:09:26] Camille Kinzler: And accountability is the ability to understand that you are the source of everything that got you to where you are right now.

[00:09:34] The series of decisions and thoughts and emotions have led you to where you are right now. It's the food choices that led to the increased weight. It's watching Bridgerton until midnight that led to me feeling sleep deprived. It's ignoring difficult conversations with maybe a partner or a loved one that makes you feel more distant.

[00:09:54] It's putting down the pen when you should be writing to follow your creative endeavors that has led to maybe this mild depression. And conversely, it's that daily movement that leads to the strong body and heart. It's daily meditation, devotion, and quiet time that leads to more self confidence. It's the daily practice that improves whatever you're doing in life.

[00:10:18] One movement, one small action leads to another, leads to another. We take accountability for that in the positive and in the negative. Being 100 percent responsible, living a life where you are 100 percent responsible for it will shift your responsibility within your life and the world around you. This has been one of the most life altering ways of being and living that has shifted me so profoundly.

[00:10:43] If you truly understand this, and I hope you will, by the end of this episode, it can be so impactful in your life. Being both accountable and responsible means that you have the ability to choose at any given moment how you are going to interpret and respond to the world and how you respond to the world will determine your outcome.

[00:11:03] Or, you can let the world happen to you and ignore accountability, but that is your choice. And your choice, my loves, has consequences. When you are not being 100 percent accountable and responsible, then you are being the victim. And that's that big V word. That's the V word that we do not like to use because it carries so much baggage.

[00:11:25] But to make my point, I really wanted to use this word because victims are ones that believe life and things just happen to them. People can be victims of horrid things, violent crimes, all sorts of things. And I'm not talking about that sort of victimization here. I'm talking about how you choose to see, interpret, and respond to the world.

[00:11:47] When things happen, do you just cope and deal? Or do you take a 100 percent stand for the behavior? In a relationship, when things go sour, do you say something like, I had something to do with this and I accept responsibility? Or do you talk about all the things that the other person did wrong? Victims take a stand that things are way out of their control.

[00:12:06] That they have no control over what somebody else does or the way that life treats them. They are always the good guy in the story and unwanted results are outside of their control. It's never their fault. Life happens to victims. That's where we lose all of the power. Other people happen to victims.

[00:12:25] Victims perceive the world as something they are up against. They live in regret and hope and resignation and excuses. Again, their power is being taken away by every single one of the results. They move through life coping and blaming and reacting and justifying everything that has happened to them. And obviously we cannot control what happens to us.

[00:12:48] Actually, we cannot control anything in life. If you've listened to any of my podcasts, you'll know that this is so deep in my belief that we can control how we respond and how we take responsibility for how we are being in this life. 

[00:13:01] Living a Life of Responsibility

[00:13:01] Camille Kinzler: We are a hundred percent responsible for assessing why it happened, what role you may have played and what you can learn and do differently.

[00:13:10] And regarding control, you can consciously choose how you interpret and respond to the world. This is so important. Victims think in terms of fault, and it's always about what others did or didn't do, or circumstances that they couldn't control. Being a victim often means you can't be counted on to contribute to solutions in a situation.

[00:13:30] Victims rationalize their mindset by telling stories about how something in the past was beyond their control which gives them permission to not have control now and in the future. So some of the verbiage that's used in this victim mentality is if people at work did their jobs, life would be easier.

[00:13:51] If I could count on people to do what they said, life would be less complicated. If I could depend on people to hold up their end of the bargain, I'd be great. If my boss would do what he said, my job would be awesome. If my parents would have done things differently, my life would be better. If my spouse quit drinking.

[00:14:08] Then I would have accountability I needed to quit. If my family were more sane, then I wouldn't need to drink during family events. We have all felt like a victim in our life. I know that I have. People who take a stand for responsibility and who are accountable are open and honest about what they did and didn't do, what they should or shouldn't have done, and what they said or should not have said.

[00:14:31] I remember when I first quit drinking. I was going to go 100 days without alcohol, and before that, my husband and I would always attempt to do 30 days without alcohol or something like that together. And one of us would always give in, and then the other one would drink, and then, you know, it would take another several months before one of us would want to commit to another month without drinking.

[00:14:53] So. I knew that that cycle wasn't working anymore. I had to take personal responsibility for the fact that I didn't like how I was showing up in the world by drinking the amount of alcohol that I drink at that time. And so what I needed to do is quit drinking whether my husband was going to do it or not.

[00:15:09] And at this point in our lives, we had known each other in this drinking capacity. It's what we did together. It's how we connected. It's how we bonded. So I didn't know what our relationship would look like when I quit drinking, but I knew it didn't matter. I knew I needed to choose myself because I was playing the victim in my life.

[00:15:29] I was blaming alcohol for the way that I was showing up, I was blaming my husband, I was blaming my high stress job, I was blaming this life where I had no time for myself with a toddler and a baby, I was blaming everything else except for myself. So when I took 100 percent responsibility and changed how I was showing up in this world, And I went a hundred days, which went on to five years, that's what truly transformed my life.

[00:15:52] When I recognized that I was the only one who could make myself feel better and then in turn, make others feel better. Everyone benefited from me taking personal responsibility and showing up in a different way. So when you approach life as if you're responsible for every single outcome that affects you, your life will change drastically.

[00:16:11] And so will those around you. Like my mentor, Jim Fortin says. Being 100 percent responsible and accountable comes down to how you interpret the fact. There are many things in life. We have no control over where you were born, who your parents are, any physical disabilities you may have. And we cannot control other humans in this planet.

[00:16:30] Let me say that again. We cannot control other human beings on this planet. So being responsible simply comes down to declaring it. The only way to create the dream life you want is to take responsible for everything in your life. You must be accountable for every bit of your happiness, your health, and your wealth.

[00:16:48] Your entire life is your responsibility going forward when you are 100 percent responsible for everything in your life, no matter what others do or don't do, you will do whatever it takes to make it happen. And when you do whatever it takes to make it happen for your health, your wealth, your fitness, your relationships, your well being, your life will bust a wide open woman.

[00:17:11] Why? Because you are 100 percent responsible for making it happen and you are a powerful being. It is not something outside of you. It comes from within inside of you. When you operate for, I am 100 percent accountable for everything that happens in my life. It's impossible to act like a victim. Thus, you are the powerhouse.

[00:17:30] You are the change in this world. I believe in you. I know you can do it. Let me know what you're taking 100 percent responsibility for so I can cheer you on. 

[00:17:41] Conclusion and Reflective Questions

[00:17:41] Camille Kinzler: And as I promised, here are some questions to ask yourself. When in your life have you felt like a victim? An example of this is, you know, somewhere where you're not getting what you want or you feel trapped or feel disempowered.

[00:17:53] Question 2. On what or whom do you place the blame when things don't go your way? Or when you're not getting what you want or think you deserve? Okay, here's a hint. If you're grumbling about what others did or didn't do, you're being a victim. What is your reward for being a victim? All right, this is so important.

[00:18:12] What do you gain from your actions? There is always something underneath. Is it attention? Is it sympathy? And number four, I think this is a really great question because what you're going to do is you're going to say, what are you taking responsibility for in your life and what are some things that you're not taking responsibility for?

[00:18:31] I think this is a really interesting way to look at what you're willing to take responsibility for and what you're unwilling to take responsibility for. And then the biggest thing is, which one do you want to believe? And does it really matter? Because here's the thing is that you can't control yourself.

[00:18:48] You can't control anybody else. So taking responsibility and accountability for your life will change it in such dramatic and drastic ways. Okay. I'll see you at the next episode.

[00:19:03] Teaser for Next Episode

[00:19:03] Do you think it is easier to maintain a healthy diet or a long term exercise regimen or quit drinking? And next week's episode, we will answer that question and we'll pull in psychology and physiology to answer it. See you then.