May 21, 2024
Your thoughts make you drink
Ever wake up with the BEST intentions of ditching the wine, then by 5 pm it's like... where'd that willpower go? Poof!
Yeah, me too. But here's the thing: It's all about how we think. This episode is about how your thoughts totally control your actions (not just resisting wine, but EVERYTHING!).
We all tell ourselves stories, and guess what? Those stories become our reality. So we gotta learn to rewrite the narrative!
This episode will give you the tools to be a thought master, ready to:
- Spot the sneaky thoughts that sabotage your good habits
- Take control of your choices
By the end, you'll be a rockstar at using your mind for good. Next week, we'll dive even deeper into the power of your brain!
Are you ready to drink 95% less in 30 days without committing to the nevers, forevers, and always so you can have more time and freedom to create a life that you love? Fill out this brief application to schedule a free 30-minute call.
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Find me on Instagram @camille_kinzler and leave me a DM!
Transcript
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Have you ever wondered why in the morning you can 100 percent have zero desire to have happy hour in the evening.
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And yet at 4 PM, you're thinking about that bottle of wine that's on your kitchen counter.
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It's crazy making in this episode, we will dive into why this is happening.
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All right.
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See you there.
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All right.
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We're going to jump right into today's episode.
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First off, I want to create this scenario for you.
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And I want to know if this has ever happened to you.
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So you wake up in the morning and at some point while you're getting ready, the thought of alcohol jumps into your head and you think, Oh God, like, Oh, I would never drink tonight.
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Like there is no way I want to have happy hour this evening.
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Maybe it's because you're feeling amazing because you slept great the night before.
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Or maybe it's because.
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You feel a little rusty from the night before, but either way, you just know in your heart of hearts, there's no way that you're going to drink tonight and then 3 p.
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m.
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rolls around and maybe the thought of that bottle of wine that's sitting on your counter with one glass left in it and you think, Oh man, I could just drink that.
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I mean, it would be really nice to have a glass of wine after I get off work or it's a beautiful day and you think, Oh, happy hour on the patio.
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Sounds really great.
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And then, you know, by 6 p.
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m.
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that night, you were having a glass of wine, and you're like, What the heck?
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I swore that I wouldn't have anything to drink tonight.
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Like, I didn't even want to have anything to drink tonight, but here I am having, you know, a happy hour.
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And it just kind of makes you feel like you maybe had your, like, fingers crossed and behind your back, you know, like when you were a kid and telling a fib.
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, when you woke up this morning and you're like, you know, what the heck it's crazy making, and it's such a common thing to have occur.
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And so in today's episode, what I want to present to you today is that.
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Our actions are almost always driven by our thoughts first, and we are going to break this down in the practical day to day world.
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Just what we do day in and day out as well as habits and what we choose.
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Okay, so let's go ahead and break this down in the practical day to day world.
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First, a lot of us tell ourselves that we don't have any patience when we are maybe standing in line at the grocery store or when we're sitting in traffic, or maybe it's even when somebody is trying to Trying to finish this sentence and you're like, come on, I don't have time for this.
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I know exactly what you're saying.
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Like, let's move on.
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And we've convinced ourselves that we're just impatient.
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And these scenarios, let's go ahead and dive right a little bit deeper into the traffic example, because that's really alive for me and my world.
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Live in Austin, Texas, which apparently is one of the top 20 worst cities, uh, with traffic.
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So I'm in it a lot because my kids go to school, like, I don't know, 11 miles away.
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And so I'm sitting in traffic in the morning and the evenings now.
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And the thought of being impatient and.
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You know, the kind of person who's impatient and traffic has come up quite a bit.
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And when I have that thought, then I feel discouraged and impatient and irritable and annoyed and just, uh, it just makes traffic even worse.
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It makes the horrible traffic that's parking lot style rush hour traffic, where you look on Google maps and it's that thick red line, you know, you look on it and it looks like just this.
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You know, artery system.
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And so I've had to work on changing my thoughts around traffic because it makes me feel so icky.
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And I'm pretty good at this because I practice this.
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I've been practicing changing my thoughts about things for years.
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So when I'm able to change my thought and I'm able to say, oh my gosh, I love the view when I'm going over the river and I get to see downtown from this perspective, it's so gorgeous.
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Or when I think like I'm able to spend this quality time with my preteen that I normally don't have just this one on one time with him or When I'm driving there on my own, I think about that.
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This is my opportunity to listen to a podcast or breathe or think or I don't know.
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When I just think about how grateful I am that we get to choose what school we can be in, then my whole experience changes.
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So the scenario is exactly the same.
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I'm still in gridlock, but because my thoughts have shifted, I feel different.
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My feeling about it is different.
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Therefore, when I get home after being in that gridlock traffic, I'm not heated.
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I'm not aggravated.
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I'm just, I'm fine.
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I'm normal.
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I can walk in from being home and then start my next task without feeling depleted.
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And, and it's fun, my kid and I have started this really fun game where he actually looks at the phone and chooses an alternate route and we just take it wherever he chooses that looks like it's going to be faster, we choose that one.
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And typically we get there a few minutes before or after it says on Google maps.
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So we were able to create something that I hope is a lasting memory for him because I was able to move myself out of the frustration of the traffic into something else.
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And I want you to think of a time where you've carried these two different thoughts from the same experience.
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So, maybe it's when you're standing in the grocery store line, and there, and some, you know, sometimes you're in the grocery store line, and there can be a long one, and you're totally fine, you're completely patient, you're looking at your phone, you're talking to your kids, you're talking to a stranger, whatever it is, and you, Are fine.
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And then there are times when you're standing in line and you're like, Oh my gosh, you're counting the number of items the person has in front of you and you're, you know, grimacing about how they have like 13 items and they're in the 10 item or less lane at the grocery store.
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I mean, those are two different thoughts that you're having about the same exact scenario.
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And so if you're able to start recognizing that.
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Yeah.
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You can have these kind of two truths, then this is going to open your life up to so much possibility.
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So, let's tie this into your thoughts related to drinking and other like false feel good habits, like Isabel Tierney says.
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Like your food choices or exercising or whatever it may be, any sort of habit that you're trying to change.
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So, you may tell yourself this story, which Is our thoughts, right?
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Your stories are your thoughts that you have no willpower that you can only go a few days, but then eventually you give in that.
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You don't have any consistency.
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Like, you just can't keep up the consistency.
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You're really good at starting, but you always, you know, end up giving in a little bit later.
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And when you do this, you are literally telling your subconscious, you're giving your subconscious both instruction and permission to give it in a few days or later that night.
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It's crazy, but you are telling your mind want to do.
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Your thoughts are telling your mind the behaviors that you will have later.
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Your thoughts become your choices.
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And the more that we dig in our heels to the stories.
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So like the thoughts about who we are and how we respond to the world.
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So thoughts like, this is just the way I am.
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I will always be this way.
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Every time I tell myself, no, I want it more, the deeper, the grooves are created at our minds and the tighter the wiring and our brain becomes.
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And so.
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It's like, because let's think about you driving down a dirt road and you drive down that same dirt road day in and day out, time and time again, and those tires in your truck and let's throw a cowboy hat on you too, while you're driving this truck down this dirt road.
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And the more that you drive down this dirt road, the tires make these grooves, and the grooves get deeper and deeper into the dirt.
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And that creates these ruts in the road.
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And the deeper the ruts, the harder it is to maneuver, to get out of them.
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And when you try, you slip back in.
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And it's the same thing with our thoughts.
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When we try to change our thoughts, the deeper the groove, the longer that we've had these thoughts.
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The deeper the groove.
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So the easier it is to slip back into the same stories and thoughts that we've had before.
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It's just human nature.
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It's just the way it is.
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So, don't beat yourself up if you're like, Oh man, I've been trying to change these thoughts for so long.
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Most of us don't even recognize our thoughts because we are so habituated.
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Life just rules us.
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We just are A victim, basically to our lives, to our thoughts.
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And we'll talk more about that in next week's episode.
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Let's change the scenario a little bit and let's look at the common thought of being busy.
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Cause that's something that we've all experienced.
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It's like the badge of honor that we all wear.
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The busy badge.
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I'm so busy.
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How are you doing?
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I'm busy.
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I mean, how many people.
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That you know, that's the way they respond to you.
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How are you doing?
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Right?
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And it's true.
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We are busy.
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We've got a lot going on in our life.
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We're swamped at work.
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We're swamped at home.
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We have projects piling up everywhere.
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And we're constantly putting out one fire, then the other, then the other.
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And the home list It keeps on growing, and we just can't get ahead, and we're rushing around from one activity to the next, and there always seems like there is something to do, always something to do.
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And when somebody mentions work life balance on like a podcast or, you know, on a social media story, you're just like, oh, God.
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So annoyed if I have to add one more thing, even if it's self care to my to do list, I am just, you know, just never ending just totally annoyed even by the idea of self care and I get it.
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It's exhausting and you're exhausted and we can take a big, deep breath together and just remember that we can hold opposing beliefs like.
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I am so overburdened at work and at home, and also I will survive, right?
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So let's just take a deep breath together again and just recognize that, and I totally get you.
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I have recently been in this busyness story and getting wrapped up in that, but let's look at how the stories that we tell ourselves, the thoughts that we tell ourselves makes us feel in our We already talked about the feeling that The traffic scenario brought me about feeling annoyed and you're irritable and angry and impatience and all of those things.
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So let's look at these thoughts, the stories about when we are busy.
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So for me and for like most people, when we are busy, we have these thoughts of all of the things that we need to do that we are busy.
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We have this feeling of overwhelm.
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And overwhelm for me creates, irritation.
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Like I'm super irritated and distracted and annoyed and short tempered, and I feel tense in my body.
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And I would love for you to actually take this time for you to really write down what your feelings are when you feel busy, when you feel overwhelmed, , what does that make you feel like, what does it make you feel like in your mind and your body, because for me, when I feel those ways.
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Then those are red flags for me that something's a mess, that something's going wrong, that I need to look at how I'm thinking or look at the behaviors that I'm doing and then backtrack that to the way that I'm thinking and then take some control of my life instead of this doomsday feeling that busyness and overwhelm brings me.
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When I get into that feeling, oftentimes I just want to like burn it all down.
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I'm like, okay, let's just burn this house down and start over.
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Okay.
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Too many projects to do to make this house look orderly.
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Let's just burn it all down.
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But the beauty actually is when we can actually take time and look at what our thoughts and behaviors are producing, and then choice comes into play.
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And that's the beauty.
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Choice is the beauty.
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Choice is where we get to actually have some fun in this life, if you want to master your choice of whether to drink or not, you have to master this in other areas of your life.
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You just do.
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You have to master the fact that you are not a victim, that you actually have choice in other areas of your life, And when you recognize this, when you truly recognize that you can change your thoughts, that you can change your choices, you will be free from so many limiting beliefs and stories you have told yourself up until this point about who you are, who you thought you were.
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And I know this may sound super easy in theory, but when we actually sit down and look at this, When we actually look at the stories and thoughts that we've been telling ourselves, and we get brutally honest, then sometimes that actually means that we are wrong, and we have to tell ourselves and admit to ourselves that we're wrong, and even if we don't tell anybody else, it's still hard to admit to ourselves that we are wrong, that our thoughts are not really true.
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And again, everything we do gets some sort of reward.
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Right.
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Everything we do serves a purpose, even if it's good or bad.
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So we get this reward, this pat on the back from maybe some place external or even internal that equals feeling wanted or feeling successful or whatever it is.
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Right.
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And when we're , brutally honest with ourselves about that, I can.
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You know, feel a little wobbly.
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We can feel a little unsteady with what that actually means about who we are.
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It's changing our identity.
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Sometimes anyway, we'll get more into this in the episodes that come, but once we have this awareness that our thoughts create actions, Then we get to have choice.
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And when we're looking at this scenario of I'm busy, and this is so again, we're bringing up the scenario because it's just as common as sitting in traffic.
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Then we can make choices around the busyness.
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And I can already hear you saying, but Camille, I can't tell my boss that I'm overburdened with too many projects.
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And then I'm constantly putting out fires and I have just too much work to do.
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And I'm just going to say my dear.
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Yes, yes, you can.
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I'm actually, it's your responsibility because no one is going to do it for you.
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I don't know any boss in this world that's going to come into your office with a pillow and essential oils and a salt lamp and massage your feet as they're deleting files off your desk.
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I just don't know anybody like that.
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Maybe like one person, but I don't even think that they're a boss of more than one person.
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So, but I just have to say, it's all you, babe.
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It's all you.
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You're the one who has to make those changes.
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And so what I suggest, and maybe this is a slightly off topic here, but I, when we're looking at taking control and the choices that we make, we have to look at what the expectations we've created in the workspace or you've created in your workspace or at home.
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And I had this thing recently with dishes in the sink.
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And I've created this expectation that I am the only one who apparently can put dishes from the sink to the dishwasher.
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And I had to put the kibosh on that.
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We had to have a family meeting about it.
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And I had to say, I am not the only one who can put dishes in the dishwasher.
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And create a new policy, a new family policy, right?
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And it doesn't mean it always works, but at least the expectation is now there that I am not the only one who can do that.
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When before no one really knew, I didn't tell them, so they didn't know.
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Although they should have, right?
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But they didn't know.
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So what expectations have you created in your workspace?
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Or at home?
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In your workspace, have you created this open door policy?
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Or that you'll respond to an email within 24 hours or the same day?
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Or that you have to have your inbox, like your own personal goal of having your inbox cleared out to zero at the end of the day, or maybe when you received a promotion that you didn't create this realistic timeline or discuss this realistic timeline when you would have support to help out with this additional work capacity that you've been given with this promotion, because Typically what I've been seeing with my friends who are receiving these amazing promotions is it's because they've laid off other people or other people aren't working out and they're putting this freeze on the workplace, which is creating more burden for my friends who have these amazing corporate jobs and are doing.
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So well, but yet overburdened by the responsibility, or maybe it's another thing that I also see with a lot of my corporate friends and clients is that they have unlimited vacation time, but they never have the time to use it, or they feel like they can't.
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Because they have so much work to do and again, all of this is, you know, take a deep breath.
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This is extremely common.
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And I also want to remind you that you are not the victim in your own story.
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You are the solution.
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So a gentle way for you to look at this, to start to reframe this is just to say, is there another way I can look at my life?
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Is there another way I can look at busyness?
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Is there another way I can look at my thoughts when we say, is there another way I can look at my life that automatically will change the thoughts that you have about it?
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I am 100 percent not saying that we are ignoring the fact that there's heavy traffic or that your life is busy, that your work and home life are busy and that you have a ton of activities.
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We're not ignoring that that exists.
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We're saying the way you decide to look at it and take control of it is all you.
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You have the choice.
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So now let's look at how this applies to drinking and food choices.
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So you may say that you don't have any willpower or that you just can't tell yourself, no.
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Because when you tell yourself, no, you want it even more, or that your desire for sweets or booze is just too strong.
00:18:25.814 --> 00:18:28.814
And remember that these thoughts often go unchecked.
00:18:28.824 --> 00:18:35.923
They're running constantly in the background of our subconscious, and a lot of people haven't practiced recognizing these thoughts.
00:18:35.923 --> 00:18:39.837
Again, we'll talk about this next week in the podcast.
00:18:40.184 --> 00:18:48.633
And giving you some tips and tricks on how to really pull that out so you can start checking into the thoughts that you're having and how you can start to change those.
00:18:48.913 --> 00:18:59.980
But if you take anything out of this podcast today, it's to start listening to the narrator, to that guardian of your mind that is always describing what's happening in your life.
00:18:59.980 --> 00:19:00.532
All right.
00:19:00.603 --> 00:19:07.073
So if you can just take that from this podcast and I've done my job and you could just stop listening to the podcast right now.
00:19:08.512 --> 00:20:02.778
And what I want you to potentially notice as well, is that when you've said that you don't have any willpower, that you can never tell yourself no, or that once you have one drink, you'll drink the bottle, once you have one bite of Captain Crunch from the box, you eat the whole box, is that if that is true, then that is true 100 percent of the time, and I'm going to challenge you here and say that there are probably nights where You don't drink the entire bottle, maybe it's because you have to drive or you go to like a family, you know, get together with other families and you have to drive your kids home afterwards and so you have like one beer or nothing at all because you have to drive or you go to your in laws and you know that they always give you like a weird side eye if you top off your glass or I don't know, maybe you have a really busy next day or work project that's due the next day and so you don't drink.
00:20:03.018 --> 00:20:11.877
Or maybe, you know, there are times where you can just have one cookie or one slice of cake or just a couple bites of ice cream, right?
00:20:11.877 --> 00:20:19.347
So they're really encourage you to look at these experiences in your life where you have had willpower, right?
00:20:19.347 --> 00:20:26.228
Where you have achieved your goal successfully, because that will help you build and create a new story, a new scenario.
00:20:26.403 --> 00:20:30.863
And for every goal, there are things that influence whether you achieve this goal or not.
00:20:30.903 --> 00:20:36.173
So I'm suggesting that the number one and most important thing to achieving your goal is at first your thought.
00:20:36.212 --> 00:20:40.472
So you have to master that before we can start looking at all of these other things.
00:20:40.472 --> 00:20:48.049
And next week we'll look at how most habit changing gurus talk about the importance of changing your behavior.
00:20:48.616 --> 00:20:56.194
But I'm actually going to really encourage us and say that changing our thoughts is actually the most important thing.
00:20:56.244 --> 00:21:05.904
And I'll talk about why and next week's episode, the way I want to conclude this episode is when you wake up and you're feeling a really great about the fact that you're not going to drink.
00:21:05.980 --> 00:21:08.369
Tonight and 4 p.
00:21:08.369 --> 00:21:08.559
m.
00:21:08.559 --> 00:21:12.220
rolls around and you're still feeling really resolute in your decision.
00:21:12.329 --> 00:21:16.900
I want you to just remind yourself that it is your thoughts.
00:21:16.950 --> 00:21:23.440
And anytime that maybe a thought slips in about, Ooh, that glass that's in the bottle at home would be really good tonight.
00:21:23.849 --> 00:21:29.779
For you to change your thoughts and just remind yourself of how good you actually want to feel the next day.
00:21:30.420 --> 00:21:47.539
Or that you can't wait to go home and eat a really yummy meal and slip into your freshly washed brand new sheets and read a novel, a juicy novel that you're reading and really focus on the things that you want instead, instead of not drinking.
00:21:47.549 --> 00:21:50.769
Because again, it's all about changing your thoughts.
00:21:50.769 --> 00:21:52.829
We aren't working with willpower here.
00:21:53.240 --> 00:22:00.170
We're working with changing your thoughts as always love to know how you like this episode and see you next time.
00:22:04.531 --> 00:22:06.451
So we finished up this episode.
00:22:06.451 --> 00:22:09.892
It was all about the thoughts equal to feelings, equal to behavior.
00:22:10.750 --> 00:22:18.230
And you might say, but Camille, I don't recognize my thoughts or when I recognize my thoughts, it's already too late.
00:22:18.230 --> 00:22:23.599
I'm already drinking wine or my hand is already in the bag of potato chips in a next week's episode.
00:22:23.909 --> 00:22:33.589
We are going to dive into that and I'm going to talk to you more about The way that the gurus talk about changing our behavior is the number one way to change our habits and create change.
00:22:33.880 --> 00:22:35.339
And I disagree.
00:22:35.380 --> 00:22:37.500
I feel like it is all about our thoughts.
00:22:37.821 --> 00:22:44.761
So I will give you some tips and tricks about how to be the true thinker of your thoughts and not your thoughts.
00:22:45.412 --> 00:22:46.001
Join me then.
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:08.000
Have you ever wondered why in the morning you can 100 percent have zero desire to have happy hour in the evening.
00:00:08.339 --> 00:00:14.579
And yet at 4 PM, you're thinking about that bottle of wine that's on your kitchen counter.
00:00:14.814 --> 00:00:20.004
It's crazy making in this episode, we will dive into why this is happening.
00:00:20.414 --> 00:00:20.754
All right.
00:00:20.763 --> 00:00:21.263
See you there.
00:00:45.816 --> 00:00:46.106
All right.
00:00:46.106 --> 00:00:48.106
We're going to jump right into today's episode.
00:00:48.305 --> 00:00:51.576
First off, I want to create this scenario for you.
00:00:51.576 --> 00:00:54.515
And I want to know if this has ever happened to you.
00:00:54.625 --> 00:01:04.475
So you wake up in the morning and at some point while you're getting ready, the thought of alcohol jumps into your head and you think, Oh God, like, Oh, I would never drink tonight.
00:01:04.585 --> 00:01:07.867
Like there is no way I want to have happy hour this evening.
00:01:07.867 --> 00:01:11.792
Maybe it's because you're feeling amazing because you slept great the night before.
00:01:11.811 --> 00:01:13.162
Or maybe it's because.
00:01:13.165 --> 00:01:23.316
You feel a little rusty from the night before, but either way, you just know in your heart of hearts, there's no way that you're going to drink tonight and then 3 p.
00:01:23.316 --> 00:01:23.465
m.
00:01:23.465 --> 00:01:33.759
rolls around and maybe the thought of that bottle of wine that's sitting on your counter with one glass left in it and you think, Oh man, I could just drink that.
00:01:33.769 --> 00:01:41.015
I mean, it would be really nice to have a glass of wine after I get off work or it's a beautiful day and you think, Oh, happy hour on the patio.
00:01:41.045 --> 00:01:41.954
Sounds really great.
00:01:42.495 --> 00:01:44.308
And then, you know, by 6 p.
00:01:44.308 --> 00:01:44.549
m.
00:01:44.549 --> 00:01:48.039
that night, you were having a glass of wine, and you're like, What the heck?
00:01:48.903 --> 00:01:52.584
I swore that I wouldn't have anything to drink tonight.
00:01:52.584 --> 00:01:58.003
Like, I didn't even want to have anything to drink tonight, but here I am having, you know, a happy hour.
00:01:58.933 --> 00:02:07.733
And it just kind of makes you feel like you maybe had your, like, fingers crossed and behind your back, you know, like when you were a kid and telling a fib.
00:02:08.149 --> 00:02:16.859
, when you woke up this morning and you're like, you know, what the heck it's crazy making, and it's such a common thing to have occur.
00:02:17.169 --> 00:02:22.498
And so in today's episode, what I want to present to you today is that.
00:02:22.691 --> 00:02:31.211
Our actions are almost always driven by our thoughts first, and we are going to break this down in the practical day to day world.
00:02:31.270 --> 00:02:35.751
Just what we do day in and day out as well as habits and what we choose.
00:02:35.830 --> 00:02:39.781
Okay, so let's go ahead and break this down in the practical day to day world.
00:02:39.781 --> 00:02:53.794
First, a lot of us tell ourselves that we don't have any patience when we are maybe standing in line at the grocery store or when we're sitting in traffic, or maybe it's even when somebody is trying to Trying to finish this sentence and you're like, come on, I don't have time for this.
00:02:53.794 --> 00:02:54.854
I know exactly what you're saying.
00:02:54.854 --> 00:02:55.903
Like, let's move on.
00:02:56.268 --> 00:02:59.014
And we've convinced ourselves that we're just impatient.
00:02:59.044 --> 00:03:07.443
And these scenarios, let's go ahead and dive right a little bit deeper into the traffic example, because that's really alive for me and my world.
00:03:07.816 --> 00:03:13.694
Live in Austin, Texas, which apparently is one of the top 20 worst cities, uh, with traffic.
00:03:13.835 --> 00:03:20.139
So I'm in it a lot because my kids go to school, like, I don't know, 11 miles away.
00:03:20.389 --> 00:03:23.395
And so I'm sitting in traffic in the morning and the evenings now.
00:03:23.515 --> 00:03:27.985
And the thought of being impatient and.
00:03:28.425 --> 00:03:32.895
You know, the kind of person who's impatient and traffic has come up quite a bit.
00:03:33.325 --> 00:03:46.846
And when I have that thought, then I feel discouraged and impatient and irritable and annoyed and just, uh, it just makes traffic even worse.
00:03:46.906 --> 00:03:56.203
It makes the horrible traffic that's parking lot style rush hour traffic, where you look on Google maps and it's that thick red line, you know, you look on it and it looks like just this.
00:03:56.203 --> 00:03:58.012
You know, artery system.
00:03:58.671 --> 00:04:06.102
And so I've had to work on changing my thoughts around traffic because it makes me feel so icky.
00:04:06.831 --> 00:04:10.167
And I'm pretty good at this because I practice this.
00:04:10.167 --> 00:04:13.437
I've been practicing changing my thoughts about things for years.
00:04:13.949 --> 00:04:24.156
So when I'm able to change my thought and I'm able to say, oh my gosh, I love the view when I'm going over the river and I get to see downtown from this perspective, it's so gorgeous.
00:04:24.583 --> 00:04:35.973
Or when I think like I'm able to spend this quality time with my preteen that I normally don't have just this one on one time with him or When I'm driving there on my own, I think about that.
00:04:36.033 --> 00:04:42.750
This is my opportunity to listen to a podcast or breathe or think or I don't know.
00:04:42.750 --> 00:04:50.290
When I just think about how grateful I am that we get to choose what school we can be in, then my whole experience changes.
00:04:50.581 --> 00:04:53.331
So the scenario is exactly the same.
00:04:53.331 --> 00:04:58.190
I'm still in gridlock, but because my thoughts have shifted, I feel different.
00:04:58.576 --> 00:05:01.043
My feeling about it is different.
00:05:01.363 --> 00:05:07.083
Therefore, when I get home after being in that gridlock traffic, I'm not heated.
00:05:07.132 --> 00:05:08.713
I'm not aggravated.
00:05:08.752 --> 00:05:10.163
I'm just, I'm fine.
00:05:10.173 --> 00:05:10.942
I'm normal.
00:05:11.002 --> 00:05:16.271
I can walk in from being home and then start my next task without feeling depleted.
00:05:16.867 --> 00:05:29.581
And, and it's fun, my kid and I have started this really fun game where he actually looks at the phone and chooses an alternate route and we just take it wherever he chooses that looks like it's going to be faster, we choose that one.
00:05:29.581 --> 00:05:33.321
And typically we get there a few minutes before or after it says on Google maps.
00:05:33.370 --> 00:05:42.048
So we were able to create something that I hope is a lasting memory for him because I was able to move myself out of the frustration of the traffic into something else.
00:05:43.009 --> 00:05:50.115
And I want you to think of a time where you've carried these two different thoughts from the same experience.
00:05:50.274 --> 00:06:07.848
So, maybe it's when you're standing in the grocery store line, and there, and some, you know, sometimes you're in the grocery store line, and there can be a long one, and you're totally fine, you're completely patient, you're looking at your phone, you're talking to your kids, you're talking to a stranger, whatever it is, and you, Are fine.
00:06:08.677 --> 00:06:24.127
And then there are times when you're standing in line and you're like, Oh my gosh, you're counting the number of items the person has in front of you and you're, you know, grimacing about how they have like 13 items and they're in the 10 item or less lane at the grocery store.
00:06:24.127 --> 00:06:30.867
I mean, those are two different thoughts that you're having about the same exact scenario.
00:06:31.279 --> 00:06:33.939
And so if you're able to start recognizing that.
00:06:33.939 --> 00:06:34.009
Yeah.
00:06:34.459 --> 00:06:40.540
You can have these kind of two truths, then this is going to open your life up to so much possibility.
00:06:40.639 --> 00:06:49.324
So, let's tie this into your thoughts related to drinking and other like false feel good habits, like Isabel Tierney says.
00:06:49.416 --> 00:06:55.766
Like your food choices or exercising or whatever it may be, any sort of habit that you're trying to change.
00:06:56.166 --> 00:07:00.576
So, you may tell yourself this story, which Is our thoughts, right?
00:07:00.576 --> 00:07:08.947
Your stories are your thoughts that you have no willpower that you can only go a few days, but then eventually you give in that.
00:07:08.947 --> 00:07:10.466
You don't have any consistency.
00:07:10.466 --> 00:07:11.846
Like, you just can't keep up the consistency.
00:07:12.076 --> 00:07:17.918
You're really good at starting, but you always, you know, end up giving in a little bit later.
00:07:18.319 --> 00:07:28.235
And when you do this, you are literally telling your subconscious, you're giving your subconscious both instruction and permission to give it in a few days or later that night.
00:07:28.255 --> 00:07:32.545
It's crazy, but you are telling your mind want to do.
00:07:32.555 --> 00:07:36.617
Your thoughts are telling your mind the behaviors that you will have later.
00:07:37.267 --> 00:07:39.367
Your thoughts become your choices.
00:07:39.891 --> 00:07:43.341
And the more that we dig in our heels to the stories.
00:07:43.541 --> 00:07:47.161
So like the thoughts about who we are and how we respond to the world.
00:07:47.262 --> 00:07:49.461
So thoughts like, this is just the way I am.
00:07:49.471 --> 00:07:51.060
I will always be this way.
00:07:51.485 --> 00:08:00.262
Every time I tell myself, no, I want it more, the deeper, the grooves are created at our minds and the tighter the wiring and our brain becomes.
00:08:01.093 --> 00:08:01.632
And so.
00:08:02.197 --> 00:08:20.062
It's like, because let's think about you driving down a dirt road and you drive down that same dirt road day in and day out, time and time again, and those tires in your truck and let's throw a cowboy hat on you too, while you're driving this truck down this dirt road.
00:08:20.528 --> 00:08:27.468
And the more that you drive down this dirt road, the tires make these grooves, and the grooves get deeper and deeper into the dirt.
00:08:27.848 --> 00:08:30.247
And that creates these ruts in the road.
00:08:30.708 --> 00:08:35.508
And the deeper the ruts, the harder it is to maneuver, to get out of them.
00:08:35.668 --> 00:08:37.508
And when you try, you slip back in.
00:08:37.868 --> 00:08:39.817
And it's the same thing with our thoughts.
00:08:39.847 --> 00:08:45.096
When we try to change our thoughts, the deeper the groove, the longer that we've had these thoughts.
00:08:45.145 --> 00:08:46.235
The deeper the groove.
00:08:46.696 --> 00:08:52.446
So the easier it is to slip back into the same stories and thoughts that we've had before.
00:08:52.446 --> 00:08:54.046
It's just human nature.
00:08:54.046 --> 00:08:55.535
It's just the way it is.
00:08:56.416 --> 00:09:01.975
So, don't beat yourself up if you're like, Oh man, I've been trying to change these thoughts for so long.
00:09:02.225 --> 00:09:06.846
Most of us don't even recognize our thoughts because we are so habituated.
00:09:07.255 --> 00:09:08.755
Life just rules us.
00:09:08.855 --> 00:09:14.115
We just are A victim, basically to our lives, to our thoughts.
00:09:14.804 --> 00:09:17.965
And we'll talk more about that in next week's episode.
00:09:19.485 --> 00:09:24.509
Let's change the scenario a little bit and let's look at the common thought of being busy.
00:09:24.519 --> 00:09:26.590
Cause that's something that we've all experienced.
00:09:26.590 --> 00:09:29.720
It's like the badge of honor that we all wear.
00:09:29.769 --> 00:09:30.700
The busy badge.
00:09:30.769 --> 00:09:31.769
I'm so busy.
00:09:31.909 --> 00:09:32.519
How are you doing?
00:09:32.549 --> 00:09:33.230
I'm busy.
00:09:33.240 --> 00:09:34.529
I mean, how many people.
00:09:35.159 --> 00:09:37.389
That you know, that's the way they respond to you.
00:09:37.409 --> 00:09:38.230
How are you doing?
00:09:38.409 --> 00:09:38.720
Right?
00:09:39.019 --> 00:09:39.649
And it's true.
00:09:39.659 --> 00:09:40.539
We are busy.
00:09:40.590 --> 00:09:42.200
We've got a lot going on in our life.
00:09:42.200 --> 00:09:43.299
We're swamped at work.
00:09:43.299 --> 00:09:44.179
We're swamped at home.
00:09:44.190 --> 00:09:46.649
We have projects piling up everywhere.
00:09:47.033 --> 00:09:50.210
And we're constantly putting out one fire, then the other, then the other.
00:09:50.220 --> 00:10:01.364
And the home list It keeps on growing, and we just can't get ahead, and we're rushing around from one activity to the next, and there always seems like there is something to do, always something to do.
00:10:01.724 --> 00:10:09.773
And when somebody mentions work life balance on like a podcast or, you know, on a social media story, you're just like, oh, God.
00:10:10.452 --> 00:10:23.192
So annoyed if I have to add one more thing, even if it's self care to my to do list, I am just, you know, just never ending just totally annoyed even by the idea of self care and I get it.
00:10:23.202 --> 00:10:32.176
It's exhausting and you're exhausted and we can take a big, deep breath together and just remember that we can hold opposing beliefs like.
00:10:32.951 --> 00:10:38.500
I am so overburdened at work and at home, and also I will survive, right?
00:10:38.541 --> 00:10:44.721
So let's just take a deep breath together again and just recognize that, and I totally get you.
00:10:44.730 --> 00:11:08.692
I have recently been in this busyness story and getting wrapped up in that, but let's look at how the stories that we tell ourselves, the thoughts that we tell ourselves makes us feel in our We already talked about the feeling that The traffic scenario brought me about feeling annoyed and you're irritable and angry and impatience and all of those things.
00:11:09.073 --> 00:11:13.802
So let's look at these thoughts, the stories about when we are busy.
00:11:13.942 --> 00:11:21.433
So for me and for like most people, when we are busy, we have these thoughts of all of the things that we need to do that we are busy.
00:11:21.453 --> 00:11:23.703
We have this feeling of overwhelm.
00:11:24.224 --> 00:11:27.793
And overwhelm for me creates, irritation.
00:11:27.793 --> 00:11:33.653
Like I'm super irritated and distracted and annoyed and short tempered, and I feel tense in my body.
00:11:33.653 --> 00:11:49.903
And I would love for you to actually take this time for you to really write down what your feelings are when you feel busy, when you feel overwhelmed, , what does that make you feel like, what does it make you feel like in your mind and your body, because for me, when I feel those ways.
00:11:50.336 --> 00:12:08.506
Then those are red flags for me that something's a mess, that something's going wrong, that I need to look at how I'm thinking or look at the behaviors that I'm doing and then backtrack that to the way that I'm thinking and then take some control of my life instead of this doomsday feeling that busyness and overwhelm brings me.
00:12:08.866 --> 00:12:12.456
When I get into that feeling, oftentimes I just want to like burn it all down.
00:12:12.466 --> 00:12:15.466
I'm like, okay, let's just burn this house down and start over.
00:12:15.466 --> 00:12:15.517
Okay.
00:12:15.942 --> 00:12:20.042
Too many projects to do to make this house look orderly.
00:12:20.302 --> 00:12:21.201
Let's just burn it all down.
00:12:21.251 --> 00:12:31.201
But the beauty actually is when we can actually take time and look at what our thoughts and behaviors are producing, and then choice comes into play.
00:12:31.201 --> 00:12:32.192
And that's the beauty.
00:12:32.466 --> 00:12:33.586
Choice is the beauty.
00:12:33.706 --> 00:12:43.626
Choice is where we get to actually have some fun in this life, if you want to master your choice of whether to drink or not, you have to master this in other areas of your life.
00:12:43.626 --> 00:12:44.307
You just do.
00:12:44.447 --> 00:13:08.366
You have to master the fact that you are not a victim, that you actually have choice in other areas of your life, And when you recognize this, when you truly recognize that you can change your thoughts, that you can change your choices, you will be free from so many limiting beliefs and stories you have told yourself up until this point about who you are, who you thought you were.
00:13:08.547 --> 00:13:36.975
And I know this may sound super easy in theory, but when we actually sit down and look at this, When we actually look at the stories and thoughts that we've been telling ourselves, and we get brutally honest, then sometimes that actually means that we are wrong, and we have to tell ourselves and admit to ourselves that we're wrong, and even if we don't tell anybody else, it's still hard to admit to ourselves that we are wrong, that our thoughts are not really true.
00:13:37.054 --> 00:13:40.855
And again, everything we do gets some sort of reward.
00:13:41.434 --> 00:13:41.745
Right.
00:13:41.774 --> 00:13:44.864
Everything we do serves a purpose, even if it's good or bad.
00:13:45.207 --> 00:13:55.804
So we get this reward, this pat on the back from maybe some place external or even internal that equals feeling wanted or feeling successful or whatever it is.
00:13:55.804 --> 00:13:56.154
Right.
00:13:56.235 --> 00:13:59.424
And when we're , brutally honest with ourselves about that, I can.
00:13:59.865 --> 00:14:01.904
You know, feel a little wobbly.
00:14:01.965 --> 00:14:05.966
We can feel a little unsteady with what that actually means about who we are.
00:14:05.966 --> 00:14:07.736
It's changing our identity.
00:14:07.736 --> 00:14:19.381
Sometimes anyway, we'll get more into this in the episodes that come, but once we have this awareness that our thoughts create actions, Then we get to have choice.
00:14:19.711 --> 00:14:29.522
And when we're looking at this scenario of I'm busy, and this is so again, we're bringing up the scenario because it's just as common as sitting in traffic.
00:14:29.572 --> 00:14:32.841
Then we can make choices around the busyness.
00:14:33.601 --> 00:14:39.371
And I can already hear you saying, but Camille, I can't tell my boss that I'm overburdened with too many projects.
00:14:40.272 --> 00:14:43.942
And then I'm constantly putting out fires and I have just too much work to do.
00:14:44.292 --> 00:14:45.631
And I'm just going to say my dear.
00:14:45.631 --> 00:14:47.422
Yes, yes, you can.
00:14:48.022 --> 00:14:50.932
I'm actually, it's your responsibility because no one is going to do it for you.
00:14:51.062 --> 00:14:59.381
I don't know any boss in this world that's going to come into your office with a pillow and essential oils and a salt lamp and massage your feet as they're deleting files off your desk.
00:14:59.381 --> 00:15:00.851
I just don't know anybody like that.
00:15:01.072 --> 00:15:04.902
Maybe like one person, but I don't even think that they're a boss of more than one person.
00:15:05.371 --> 00:15:08.201
So, but I just have to say, it's all you, babe.
00:15:08.692 --> 00:15:09.951
It's all you.
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You're the one who has to make those changes.
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And so what I suggest, and maybe this is a slightly off topic here, but I, when we're looking at taking control and the choices that we make, we have to look at what the expectations we've created in the workspace or you've created in your workspace or at home.
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And I had this thing recently with dishes in the sink.
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And I've created this expectation that I am the only one who apparently can put dishes from the sink to the dishwasher.
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And I had to put the kibosh on that.
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We had to have a family meeting about it.
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And I had to say, I am not the only one who can put dishes in the dishwasher.
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And create a new policy, a new family policy, right?
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And it doesn't mean it always works, but at least the expectation is now there that I am not the only one who can do that.
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When before no one really knew, I didn't tell them, so they didn't know.
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Although they should have, right?
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But they didn't know.
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So what expectations have you created in your workspace?
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Or at home?
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In your workspace, have you created this open door policy?
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Or that you'll respond to an email within 24 hours or the same day?
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Or that you have to have your inbox, like your own personal goal of having your inbox cleared out to zero at the end of the day, or maybe when you received a promotion that you didn't create this realistic timeline or discuss this realistic timeline when you would have support to help out with this additional work capacity that you've been given with this promotion, because Typically what I've been seeing with my friends who are receiving these amazing promotions is it's because they've laid off other people or other people aren't working out and they're putting this freeze on the workplace, which is creating more burden for my friends who have these amazing corporate jobs and are doing.
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So well, but yet overburdened by the responsibility, or maybe it's another thing that I also see with a lot of my corporate friends and clients is that they have unlimited vacation time, but they never have the time to use it, or they feel like they can't.
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Because they have so much work to do and again, all of this is, you know, take a deep breath.
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This is extremely common.
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And I also want to remind you that you are not the victim in your own story.
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You are the solution.
00:17:27.834 --> 00:17:34.854
So a gentle way for you to look at this, to start to reframe this is just to say, is there another way I can look at my life?
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Is there another way I can look at busyness?
00:17:37.834 --> 00:17:46.243
Is there another way I can look at my thoughts when we say, is there another way I can look at my life that automatically will change the thoughts that you have about it?
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I am 100 percent not saying that we are ignoring the fact that there's heavy traffic or that your life is busy, that your work and home life are busy and that you have a ton of activities.
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We're not ignoring that that exists.
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We're saying the way you decide to look at it and take control of it is all you.
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You have the choice.
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So now let's look at how this applies to drinking and food choices.
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So you may say that you don't have any willpower or that you just can't tell yourself, no.
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Because when you tell yourself, no, you want it even more, or that your desire for sweets or booze is just too strong.
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And remember that these thoughts often go unchecked.
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They're running constantly in the background of our subconscious, and a lot of people haven't practiced recognizing these thoughts.
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Again, we'll talk about this next week in the podcast.
00:18:40.184 --> 00:18:48.633
And giving you some tips and tricks on how to really pull that out so you can start checking into the thoughts that you're having and how you can start to change those.
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But if you take anything out of this podcast today, it's to start listening to the narrator, to that guardian of your mind that is always describing what's happening in your life.
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All right.
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So if you can just take that from this podcast and I've done my job and you could just stop listening to the podcast right now.
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And what I want you to potentially notice as well, is that when you've said that you don't have any willpower, that you can never tell yourself no, or that once you have one drink, you'll drink the bottle, once you have one bite of Captain Crunch from the box, you eat the whole box, is that if that is true, then that is true 100 percent of the time, and I'm going to challenge you here and say that there are probably nights where You don't drink the entire bottle, maybe it's because you have to drive or you go to like a family, you know, get together with other families and you have to drive your kids home afterwards and so you have like one beer or nothing at all because you have to drive or you go to your in laws and you know that they always give you like a weird side eye if you top off your glass or I don't know, maybe you have a really busy next day or work project that's due the next day and so you don't drink.
00:20:03.018 --> 00:20:11.877
Or maybe, you know, there are times where you can just have one cookie or one slice of cake or just a couple bites of ice cream, right?
00:20:11.877 --> 00:20:19.347
So they're really encourage you to look at these experiences in your life where you have had willpower, right?
00:20:19.347 --> 00:20:26.228
Where you have achieved your goal successfully, because that will help you build and create a new story, a new scenario.
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And for every goal, there are things that influence whether you achieve this goal or not.
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So I'm suggesting that the number one and most important thing to achieving your goal is at first your thought.
00:20:36.212 --> 00:20:40.472
So you have to master that before we can start looking at all of these other things.
00:20:40.472 --> 00:20:48.049
And next week we'll look at how most habit changing gurus talk about the importance of changing your behavior.
00:20:48.616 --> 00:20:56.194
But I'm actually going to really encourage us and say that changing our thoughts is actually the most important thing.
00:20:56.244 --> 00:21:05.904
And I'll talk about why and next week's episode, the way I want to conclude this episode is when you wake up and you're feeling a really great about the fact that you're not going to drink.
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Tonight and 4 p.
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m.
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rolls around and you're still feeling really resolute in your decision.
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I want you to just remind yourself that it is your thoughts.
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And anytime that maybe a thought slips in about, Ooh, that glass that's in the bottle at home would be really good tonight.
00:21:23.849 --> 00:21:29.779
For you to change your thoughts and just remind yourself of how good you actually want to feel the next day.
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Or that you can't wait to go home and eat a really yummy meal and slip into your freshly washed brand new sheets and read a novel, a juicy novel that you're reading and really focus on the things that you want instead, instead of not drinking.
00:21:47.549 --> 00:21:50.769
Because again, it's all about changing your thoughts.
00:21:50.769 --> 00:21:52.829
We aren't working with willpower here.
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We're working with changing your thoughts as always love to know how you like this episode and see you next time.
00:22:04.531 --> 00:22:06.451
So we finished up this episode.
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It was all about the thoughts equal to feelings, equal to behavior.
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And you might say, but Camille, I don't recognize my thoughts or when I recognize my thoughts, it's already too late.
00:22:18.230 --> 00:22:23.599
I'm already drinking wine or my hand is already in the bag of potato chips in a next week's episode.
00:22:23.909 --> 00:22:33.589
We are going to dive into that and I'm going to talk to you more about The way that the gurus talk about changing our behavior is the number one way to change our habits and create change.
00:22:33.880 --> 00:22:35.339
And I disagree.
00:22:35.380 --> 00:22:37.500
I feel like it is all about our thoughts.
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So I will give you some tips and tricks about how to be the true thinker of your thoughts and not your thoughts.
00:22:45.412 --> 00:22:46.001
Join me then.
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