Coaching conversations: Catherine in the hot seat

Lori Shook: 0:00

which drives us forward or motivates us towards something. And when we don't have these, or we're afraid that we don't have these, these are mostly made up. It's our imagination whether we have them or not. It's our perspective. It's not like fact, it's just what our brain has made up, do I have belonging? Or do I think I'm going to have belonging in this thing that I want to go for? So there's a goal out there towards the coaching, there's a goal. And I want to go for that goal, generally. And there's some of these elements that will be saying, Yeah, go for the goal and others will be going don't today are you getting? There's no certainty in that. And those things are usually pretty quiet or silent and we don't know that they're going on. So this experience is about bringing out some of those internal voices so we can see them and perhaps do something about them.

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 0:47

Hello, and welcome back to answer at work. Hi, I'm your host, Katherine Stagg Macy. I'm an executive coach, and I'm interested in the conversations that we don't have at work. And today's episode is the first of its kind on this show, one where I'm in the coaching hot seat, and I get to be coached live on a real issue that really matters to me. For several months, I've been mulling over this idea of life as a digital nomad, I'm in this really unique place in my life where I can go anywhere, and work from wherever that is, as long as I have a decent Wi Fi. So I've thought about it for three, four months now. And I keep finding myself stack. And that's going to be the topic for today's coaching. I call in the big guns to help me out. So Laurie shocky, will have met her last time last week's episode, where we talked about neuroscience and the emotional brain. And in that episode, we refer to a model that she created to help us understand why feels like we will spinning because really what we're doing is in terms fitting, our needs are not being met, other needs are being met. And so there's it feels like this foot on the accelerator in front of the brake at the same time. And that's where we get stuck. And it's through her model that we can get some clarity as to where's the stuckness. And as in today's sessions, she walks me through her model of the seven certain on this topic, we look to understand really what's going on. If you want to follow along, there is a link in the show notes for the model that might be easier as a reference point for you. So yeah, follow along there. If that feels useful for you, and wants to have your attention, I would love to invite you to sign up to my weekly newsletter if you're not already on it. For three reasons I'll give you to be on the newsletter, funny stories, most of the emails I send are kind of anecdotes of some sorts off about my life, I usually give a leadership tip in each email, either it's a point I'm making, or it's a separate leadership tip. And there's always exclusive access to my programs and coaching offerings, which I very seldom put out on social media or other places or even on the podcast at this point. If that sounds interesting, you can join just over four and a half 1000 other people on the email list to read the newsletter weekly, the signup links at the bottom of the show notes for weekly newsletter and I'd love to see you on the list and for us to be communicating every week or Tuesday morning. But for now it's time to listen to me being coached by the wonderful Lori. Lori, welcome back to unset it work. We're gonna do coaching this time.

Lori Shook: 3:11

Yeah, we're excited. Love him back.

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 3:15

So last last week, we talked about neuroscience and why we should care and the insight it gives us into understanding how we really are operated rather than by rational brain. And now you're going to give us an example. Or you're going to give me experience and the listeners an experience of the model that you've created around this. Do you want to talk about the model upfront? Or should we do it at the end, you want to briefly

Lori Shook: 3:37

talk about the Moto front. And also, while doing that listeners can possibly think of their own topic, something they're stuck on. And they might want to go through it as I'm going through it with you. To be safe and certain is six elements. It's belonging, status, autonomy, fairness, expectations and certainty. And I know you're going to have that in the notes. Just to be pedantic about it. B is for belonging and safe is for the four elements in the middle in certain, of course for certainty, that's how the model comes together. These are elements that our limbic system or our emotional brain is monitoring. And when we have them, we get dopamine, which drives us forward or motivates us towards something. And when we don't have these, or we're afraid that we don't have these, these are mostly made up. It's our imagination, whether we have them or not. It's our perspective. It's not like fact, it's just what our brain has made up, do I have belonging? Or do I think I'm going to have belonging in this thing that I want to go for. So there's a goal out there towards the coaching, there's a goal, and I want to go for that goal generally. And there's some of these elements that will be saying, Yeah, go for the goal and others will be going Don't you dare Are you getting? There's no certainty in that and those things are usually pretty quiet or silent and we don't know that they're going on. So this experience is about bringing out some of those internal voices so we can see them and perhaps do something about them.

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 4:58

I love that I have the sense of The Model exposes the competing forces that we have, we have a foot and accelerator and foot on the brake. And we're wondering, why are we doing a Welspun? Exactly?

Lori Shook: 5:08

Well said, well said and for the accelerated way I'm doing this I'm gonna keep referring to red lights and green lights. So the red lights are the brakes and the green lights are the accelerator. And we're just looking at where do you have green light and already have red lights? So

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 5:21

shall we. And so we have a bit of context. So now I'm going to sit in the in the coachee seat for changes. Awesome. Yeah, love it and hand hand hand control over to you as the coach. So

Lori Shook: 5:32

Catherine, you have a topic that you want to investigate, presumably something you are a bit stuck on, do I go or do I not something like that? And so what is what is the topic? So

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 5:44

I have this idea of becoming a digital nomad. One thing that kept me to the geography that I'm in was my little dog and he died over summer, in the month before he died. I had given myself this idea Well, what would I do? How would I make the most of him not being here and then having not having the responsibility? And digital nomad came up? You know, I'm, it's like being 22, but with money. I've got super excited about it. And then I scare the hell out of myself with like, type of paths in the market, or do I just go for a month and then come back and then when I go, Bali is too far, but I don't just want to go to Wales. You know, it's like I'm all over the place. So yeah, that's I think it's a perfect topic for the smart approach.

Lori Shook: 6:26

So could you pick one of the destinations that feels exciting to you, but a little daunting, or a lot daunting? I don't know if that's barley or something? It is

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 6:35

barley, because my Yeah, It's barley. I feel very drawn to Barney, for reasons that I don't understand. Okay,

Lori Shook: 6:43

so maybe we get some more understanding and experience. Yeah. So becoming a digital nomad in Bali.

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 6:49

Sounds amazing.

Lori Shook: 6:51

Yeah. So first, I want you to really tap into the amazing like, notice what happens in your body. Just imagine being a digital nomad in Bali.

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 7:00

I feel very cool. I feel like like trendy, cool. I mean, it's okay, I can imagine myself being you know, wearing limited amount of clothes that you do in a warm climate, like, I'm sitting here with three layers on, right, like driving on little Skeeter and drinking coconut milk and coconut some. And I know this feeling is when I go to South Africa, I get this. Like, there's something about the warmth and the sunshine, my body just sort of expands, it relaxes and expands in I putting my shoulders outwards as I say that, like this is sort of a great, thank you, which I

Lori Shook: 7:33

love. Yeah, thank you for sharing that. Because I was just going to ask you what is your experience in your body. So something about shoulders expanding is that kind of a key indicator of what's happening in your body when you are

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 7:45

standing is very visceral sense of getting off the plane when I'm rylann and jet in in South Africa when I go home. And yeah, to stand up straighter. And it's not it's not a tense way. It's more like a I don't need to hold on in some I don't hold on or something like that. It's more like, Oh, I'm okay, I'm here. I'm home. In the sun. And you know, the sun sort of melts away the heat of the sun, the heat melts away something.

Lori Shook: 8:09

So there's an expansion and relaxing. There's a physicality to that. Very. So this is the side of you where your emotional brain is going. Yeah, this is gonna be so good for you. I would call that a green light. You know, we'll find out where that's coming from the green light on that. And all systems go. Yeah, yeah. I also happen to know you have another part of you that's going How are you doing? So I'm gonna ask you to tap into that. Oh, well. Yeah, cuz, yeah. Okay,

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 8:39

so it's my podcast, so I can swearing but that part. It's like, what the fuck do you think you're doing? It's like, it's entirely impractical. All your clients are GMT timezone. You're never you're not 24 You're not going to be dialing in at 12 o'clock at night to make a kind call. That's just silly. So it's completely impractical is the other voice.

Lori Shook: 9:00

Yeah. Okay. And what's the physicality of the impractical voice

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 9:05

tuning into my body? I can feel my my face scrunching up in a sort of a angry schoolmistress see sort of new pursed lips. Yeah, thank you doing doing.

Lori Shook: 9:19

So you can imagine that, you know, in the last podcast, we talked about the mouse that has both though. In that case, it was white light and red light, both impulses to go into start up and then we just freeze in the middle when we have both impulses. So let's go through be saving certain and see if we can find out more about the the two sides. Yeah, so I'm going to go through this six things and I know you know them, but we'll go through them one at a time. And what I would like you to do is think about becoming a digital nomad in Bali, and we'll start with belonging. So becoming a digital nomad in Bali, the element of belonging or the idea of belonging. How does that show up in either of these physical states that you have, you know, the relaxed state or that face scrunch impractical. Is belonging leading you in one of those places with the other.

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 10:11

I don't know, I do feel, I noticed a real anxiety in my chest. When you say belonging, you said it a few times. And I'm like, do I belong? I don't know. I don't know enough about do I, but not anything I do. So

Lori Shook: 10:24

with belonging had its own voice, would it say go to Bali? Or what are you doing? It would say, What are you doing? So I'm gonna give this a red light? Yeah, it's a stop mess. Yeah,

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 10:34

I think. And I've seen some co working spaces that I'm tracking on Instagram, in Bali. And they're full of 25 year olds, living their best life. And I'm like, That's not me. So and that's, I think that's the link in belonging, and I'd see myself in that. Okay. So yeah, to read.

Lori Shook: 10:53

Okay. So we'll go through the others and find a red or green or a mix. So status status is about having a role, knowing your place, you know, feeling respected and regarded, well regarded. So when you think about becoming a digital nomad kind of status playing, I

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 11:10

feel kind of choked with something. It's not a positive response.

Lori Shook: 11:14

It's probably a red line.

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 11:16

I'm not gonna put a story on that. But the for the physical for the body responses contraction,

Lori Shook: 11:20

great. Let's just trust the body. There's contraction. And maybe that's just the best version of assessing this is it expansion or contraction? Yeah. So autonomy. I have guests on how this one is gonna go. So when you think about being a digital nomad and in Bali, like how does autonomy

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 11:41

is one big sitting up there in the sun setting and I'm having my little train ticket, my barefoot my feet up there tapping away during and last email of the day. I'm like, yeah, it's my life. Like my time. Yeah.

Lori Shook: 11:54

That's a great, yeah. Okay. And the next element is fairness. And this can be a tricky one, it can play in lots of different ways. Some, some people take it as, oh, you know, it's totally fair. I've put my dues in in my life. And now this is my time. That's one way of having fairness. Others would be like, Well, who am I to have this kind of choice and lots of ways so but you tell me with regarding fairness and becoming a digital nomad in Bali, what happens?

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 12:20

I'm very in my head, although some I can't I can't get a sense of a heads like, yes, my head is unpacking it, not my body. Okay,

Lori Shook: 12:29

so let's go back to your expansion place coming off the plane and the shoulders expanding and can you tell freely in that delight of being in Bali? And when I say fairness, I how fair is it that you are you are there in Bali? What if anything happened, it feels like it's a it's a little contraction? I'll put a little red dot. Okay, expectations so expectations, it's our next element and be safe and certain and that's about the kind of dreaming you have you know that what you expect from it can create a lot of dopamine if you expect great things if you expect not great things, they won't. If you're afraid of disappointments, you'd have more of a red lines. So expectations, what happens when I say expectations and you think about becoming a digital nomad in Bali?

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 13:20

I think it's expensive. I think it's a it links to someone freedom, and autonomy that really matters to me. And one of the reasons I've come to embrace being said entrepreneur, I can't say it was the reason I started out like this, but yeah, 10 years in, there is huge freedom that comes with this choice to the expectations of that there will be a manifestation of the freedom that I have in running my own business.

Lori Shook: 13:44

And I think I've heard in what you're saying is you expect that it will work also. I mean, there is one voice that says, you know, Midnight's and blah, blah, blah, but I've heard you talk about it before as well. It's like, I can make this work.

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 13:58

Yeah, I don't think I have. I mean, there's some boring details about what I do with my house and all that kind of stuff. But the overall feeling is that this would work. Yes. Yeah. Great. So

Lori Shook: 14:08

there's probably going to be similar on our next element, which is certainty. Yeah. So thinking again, about being a digital nomad in Bali. How does certainty play into that?

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 14:18

Yes, more on the red. It's more red for me. I think. It's not huge red. Yeah, there's sort of it feels like there's two sides of the equation like this. uncertain. I feel uncertain about how I would wrap up my life. Yeah. But I feel fairly certain about how I could create something there.

Lori Shook: 14:34

Can I give you a small red and a small green for that one?

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 14:38

You can?

Lori Shook: 14:39

Yeah. All right. Because like, That's what I heard is there's so I was like, How do I wrap up my life here? It's a bit of uncertainty, but it's details. Yeah, it

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 14:47

feels like minutia, but the kind of community that trips me up, yeah. Okay. Yeah.

Lori Shook: 14:52

But there's other minutia details that you feel like you can handle. Yeah.

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 14:57

Gestures. Great. Yes. For our listeners, that is holding up a piece of paper that she has been tracking with the model on it. And next, each putting a red or a green based on our conversation. So it's a nice visual tracking of this.

Lori Shook: 15:13

And what it shows is that there's two pretty strong reds, red lights, two pretty strong green lights, a small red light, and another small red and small green. So it's kind of divided. And it's like, yeah, well spinning, because you got both the brake and the accelerator on that

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 15:30

little mouse. And as cheese, I'm like.

Lori Shook: 15:34

Yeah. So just having seen that, once, you know what, what does that do to? I

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 15:41

mean, I was feeling compassion for the mouse. I mean, it's that they have this compassion for me in this. It's like, yeah, that's why what seems like such a positive, like, wow, idea for me, has me stuck and ambivalent. And even getting to the point of even potentially just kicking it down, the line to timeframe has been delayed, but for something else, which I'm perfectly happy with. And then there's part of me, thank God for that. I don't have to make the decision yet.

Lori Shook: 16:05

Now you have time to prepare, perhaps take care of some of those details, if you choose. So the next stage in this coaching is to look at, you know, how do you want to change one of these, if these stay red, and stay green? Then you keep having this collision, you can free up either a red or a green if you think, okay, you know what, I should just kill it. Then we look at some of the green lights and say, how do we pacify them in some other way, and maybe turn them all red so that you turn off the idea of the digital nomad and valley, or you say, You know what I really want to go at this point I really want to go. So you might need to look into some of the reds, and say, How do I? How do I smooth that out? So it's less of a break. So

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 16:45

that's how you choose where to focus as to what outcome Do you want. So if I'm, if I want to make this happen, then I'm looking at dialing down the or

Lori Shook: 16:52

turning off the Reds turning off or dialing down the reds. Yeah, pacifying them, whatever,

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 16:56

let's pacify those little red bars. Okay.

Lori Shook: 17:01

So you've got two pretty strong red lights on belonging and status. Small one unfairness and a small one uncertainty, I would recommend that you go after one of the big things if you really want it down. So belonging or status, or where the big ones are? And who knows they might be related. I don't know. Belonging was about do I belong to all these 24 year olds? Who are here? I can't see

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 17:22

myself there. Yeah, I can't. represented there. Yeah, I don't know if so I'm just gonna just pick one that's good for belonging and trusts. That's a doorway into something.

Lori Shook: 17:30

Yeah. Sometimes they're connected. Where I like to go with this is what are the beliefs that you're holding? So beliefs are not reality. And our reaction to these things are based on this perspective that we have. And you can change perspective. And you can change belief. You can suss it out and figure out okay, that's really untrue. And it can change the light, change your chemistry. Talk to me a little more about belonging, I can't see myself there to say a little more. That's

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 17:56

funny. I just had this image of what's that? The book, Eat, Pray and love, Tuscany. And I remember the year she goes, her life collapses. And then she, she's right, my memory is that I have actually read and read the book. But she had lived collapses and midlife goes off and finds herself and the love of her life and that kind of stuff. It feels like, I don't know, I don't know, I'm gonna let you make sense of this. But it feels like there's a trope in there that I'm resisting. Like, I don't want to be the middle aged woman going off to find herself in Bali. Because, because that's so predictable, and I'm not predictable.

Lori Shook: 18:34

Okay. Okay. And as you've said that, what do you think about

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 18:39

that? forgive myself? Yeah, I didn't want yeah, it's, I mean, it's true. I didn't like to do things that sort of follow the normal path. And as I say that, like how many people don't have any middle aged woman Dinah have gone to body to find themselves like none, but there's some there's something getting mixed up in my head. Yeah. Beliefs underneath the surface beliefs going on here. I

Lori Shook: 18:58

don't want to do it that way. Because that's so predictable.

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 19:01

Yeah, it's what everyone else does.

Lori Shook: 19:04

Which, you know, not everyone else. Say

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 19:07

that. I'm like, like, who like me when like late one person would say that to my father, you I would like everyone else has got a bike. He's like, also, you know, name your friends. Like, everyone else is getting extra pocket money. And I yeah, I can't name a single person. I know who's done it. So yeah. As I say, so as we put the belief around me and like a girl, that's just ridiculous. Not true. Yeah.

Lori Shook: 19:31

So what would you tell yourself instead of have that old trope? Oh, I'm gonna do the same old thing. Why can't I be original one? What would you say instead?

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 19:41

This feels pretty original. I mean, this is original, the more common experiences to be 25 and being a social media marketing manager who's doing it for Bali, like nod an executive coach and successful business doing it from Barney in his original.

Lori Shook: 19:56

Can I just I want to back up a step. I'm not sure it's absolutely necessary. I do find it a powerful step in this whole process. So if we go back to the previous belief, it's so predictable. Is that kind of the shortcut to the belief that was turning on that red light is Oh, they're so predictable. Is that right? Yeah. And with that belief, it's so predictable. That is something that urges you to do something unique. Because you like, you are unique, and you have a identity that's unique. So I can imagine it's so predictable. Is a motivator for you in in a certain way.

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 20:30

Against to get rid of me against Yeah, so you stay away from those things like,

Lori Shook: 20:34

Oh, that's so predictable. Okay, I'm not going down that path. Yes. on that path? Because, yes. So I call these it is a thing against, but it's still that happens. And then I go that way. That happens over there on the right now go left. Yeah. And that's a dynamic that may be a pattern. And it may be a really useful pattern. And so I want you to look at how has that dynamic that? Oh, that's so predictable belief been useful to you, because it actually creates something unique. It's just like a success pattern. I just play with that idea. For a moment. Well, there's

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 21:05

lots of things I I've done that I've challenged myself to do things I probably wouldn't otherwise have done from the more mundane rock climbing or learning pottery to leaving a corporate career that I was very successful and starting out coaching, completely unexpected from everyone else around me, and predicted and predicted. That's the phrase. So when I get the urge to do it, it often surprises other people, not myself. Like I'm like, Well, no, this is completely obvious. I need to do this. And he was like, Well, what? So yeah, it is a, it's worked well, for me when it feels right to me and my core. If I'm having a strop and doing it against everyone else, if you say blue, I'm gonna say, you know, black, just because I'm being difficult, like, that doesn't work for me, as it shouldn't. But that real felt sense of No, this really is what I want to be doing psychedelics. You know, I've taken psychedelics and my friends are like, What the hell are you doing? I haven't even told my mother because I would terrify that out of her. No, this feels, it feels like it's on my path. So I'm going to do it.

Lori Shook: 22:10

I think that's bringing up a real trust in some kind of inner guide star or something. I just wanted to explore that. Let's let's jump back into this is original. So instead of it being a strop, as you describe tantrum, yep, a temper tantrum? Yeah, it's actually a choice because your guiding light, if you will, saying This feels good. This,

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 22:33

is that true? Yeah, there's a part of me that's like, well, let's throw off all the assumptions you have about place and staying where you are and go somewhere else. Like what you know, the instinct is, you've got nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Lori Shook: 22:47

So if you keep saying that you've got nothing to lose and everything to gain, that would be a very different, that would point you in a very different direction, then oh, those 24 year olds, yeah, where I don't belong. Because I can do this. I'm a successful coach. And I can do this. It is my right. I just think I had a recent

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 23:08

experience of in grieving after the dog. I felt very out to it later on my own in the grief. And I was a big two week program teaching program I was going on as a participant five rhythms was coming up. And I almost bailed. As I just felt, like I, I think probably probably was belonging, I felt like I wouldn't, you know, I was in this cocoon space of grief. And then that place wasn't that. And so I was failed. And then I had this conversation myself going. So you know, what's the downside? You get to dance for two weeks in the Alps, and make some new friends. I went to the downside. Yeah. So I sort of pushed myself to go and it was the best thing. So yeah, there's a recent experiments of you got nothing to lose everything to gain. So

Lori Shook: 23:56

I want you to think back to where we started when we were going through these different Green light red, red light, green light. And so becoming a digital nomad in Bali, and tell yourself I have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 24:09

I have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Yeah, it feels very real. It feels very true.

Lori Shook: 24:13

And then when you think about this belonging elements, what happens?

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 24:17

It feels a bit more theoretical. In a weird way. It doesn't doesn't matter. I don't know if that makes sense.

Lori Shook: 24:22

So there's yeah, there's some it's possibly something to still think through and feel through. Yeah, it feels like the red line isn't really

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 24:28

Yeah, the red line is not the red light is not there. The I think I had a reaction in my chest. I think that's not there. It's more like a belonging. Yeah. Nothing is not a wild green, but it's not a it's not a red. Yeah. And the frame of everything to everything to gain and nothing to lose. would dial it up over time, I

Lori Shook: 24:48

think. Yeah. So invite you to keep telling yourself that you might put up a poster and says I have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Keep reminding yourself about this inner compass that you have also, that we discovered so that it's not as a stopper fighting something. It's like, Oh, this feels like something I want to do. It's something I can do. I have everything to gain from it. Nothing. He's reminding yourself of that. And it is like retraining your brain. And then you see this belonging thing differently and then it'll it'll shift all the lights and well, maybe not shifts, certainly shifts the combination of lights and takes off shifts the

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 25:26

power. Yeah, the the deadlock that I currently have, would shift. Yeah, I can feel that now I can feel more spaciousness towards the top is I think my coping strategy before this conversation was to go into the particles and go, Well, what are you going to do with the house? And how is that going to work? And what way? How long will you stay? What about timezones? Here's the 41 small things that you have to solve before you can go, which is a pattern of mine, as a coping strategy just told myself, yeah, that I know that image.

Lori Shook: 25:56

And other things are still true. You'll need to create a plan.

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 26:01

They are but it's not a reason not to do it. So

Lori Shook: 26:05

please do keep playing with x. And remember everything to gain and nothing to lose.

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 26:11

I like a post it note or you know, the visual reminder of that as a as a mentor that helps reprogram and catch myself in the in the ever thinking that's not helpful. Because it's our thinking, our beliefs that drive these lights, maybe find some older people living in Bali to follow us. I mean, it sounds it sounds silly, but it's also a word you surround yourself with, what am I seeing? What is my brain? What information is my brain getting about this experience? Yeah.

Lori Shook: 26:37

And so you might ask yourself, How do I belong there? Who can I belong with? And maybe it will be some of the 24 year olds but you know, it's who do I belong with and create a sense of belonging? Yeah.

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 26:48

Yeah, there's a point I think that's a good inquiry as well, it that you can belong anywhere you want. I think as a, you get it as well, as someone who's moved country a few times. You can get to choose to belong, even if you don't see yourself mirrored in the people

Lori Shook: 27:01

can create your own. Well.

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 27:05

I'm trying to come back as a podcast, I was going I want to go planning barley now. I know someone else is going and you probably wants to fire them up and go, guess what? I'm coming.

Lori Shook: 27:19

Great. So you have someone there to belong to?

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 27:21

I know. It's funny. The stories are weaker. Yeah, there was some there was insightful. Thank you. Thank you, Laurie. You're welcome. Any reflections about the process for people as I find my way back into the? Yeah, sure.

Lori Shook: 27:34

Yeah, you find your way back, there was that moment where I went backwards and said, let's dive into this belief. And it didn't go exactly as I was expecting, which is fine. But we found out something about Katherine about how she makes choices. But what I was trying to do is, sometimes we have a belief that sends us in one way or another doesn't matter. We have a belief, and it's really quite strong. And when we want to change it, I believe we need to go and find out what's it saying? How has it benefited me? So how has this belief benefited me and been a success strategy for me. And now I get to choose whether I want to let it go or not. And when if I let it go, I'm thanking it and appreciation, rather than saying, oh, I need to trash it and go a different direction. So when you recognize and say, Oh, that's helped me and thank you very much, dear belief, it's easier to let go of and, and shift and now it's something else. And that's such a powerful shift, and much easier to do than to okay, you know, old that old thing I've been doing myself, you know, so there's no blame, self blame, and it doesn't always end up that way, like in this case. Fine.

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 28:37

Yeah, exactly. That approach really underlines the compassion for self in this process, right? There is an easy say the belief has done its job for a reason, and has kept you safe and got you to this point, it got me to this point in my life very well. Thank you very much. Yeah. And

Lori Shook: 28:53

this is ultimately all about the brain thinking you're safe trying to keep us safe. Yeah, that's what it's all about. And we make up stuff along the way. And it isn't always true.

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 29:02

Shout out to big, beautiful brains. Thank you brain for doing all the weird and wonderful things they do. So you've got a few programs that you offer, one of which is the traffic term and getting it mixed up with somebody else. Traffic telep is my business coach. Yeah, yeah, there's a GADS program. It's not a

Lori Shook: 29:24

traffic light tool. It was based on the be safe and certain model and actually don't offer the traffic light tool specifically as a course anymore. But where we save in certain shows up is in two different programs. One is called coach is going corporate, which is an advanced coaching program, that helping coaches who liked to work with personal development and emotional work and that kind of thing. Had to take that into corporate environments or take it to coaches or clients who are more analytical who might resist that at first. So it's a bridge to how do I how do I do my personal development stuff with these people who aren't quite used to it doesn't mean you throw out your tools, it means you build bridge. So that's what coaches Going corporate is and then there's rewired three late could just go in corporate is specifically for coaches and rewired to relate is for anyone who wants to learn a little more about their brain, their emotions and emotional intelligence and how to shore up the prefrontal cortex and make better decisions and learn where well being practices why well being practices are unnecessary for us. It's not just a nice to have it's it's actually helping our brain work well. So we do our independent work well, but also work well with others to

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 30:28

be interested, we want to carry on with his work and work with you would be looking at for wired to relate as a programmer, I'll put that in the show notes as well. Great.

Lori Shook: 30:36

Run that for organization. So team members won't do that together and a lot about each other.

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 30:41

I know you've had some great success with that with several people coming in know each other on their program. Right? Yeah. It's

Lori Shook: 30:47

amazing. What they do together. Yeah. Well, thank

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 30:49

you for reconnecting. I mean, I know this is for the for the podcast. But I mean, I got a lot out of it as well. Barley wasn't actually on dent seriously on the list, because it feels so out there. But I think you put it back, like suddenly in the other places were on there, because I was making it easy for myself, but you put it back solidly in the target area. And that feels really exciting. Now

Lori Shook: 31:09

it's great. That's exciting. I like

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 31:13

to can now track my progress. Yeah, it was doing back and forwards. Will she go away? And she well, you're gonna have to dial in to another episode in the future to find out. Because I don't know, either at this point.

Lori Shook: 31:28

It's a journey. Yeah.

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 31:29

Laurie, thank you, thank you for your kind coaching and giving me real gift and some clarity. Really appreciate that.

Lori Shook: 31:36

My pleasure. It was really nice, enjoyed it.

Catherine Stagg-Macey: 31:40

I just love this episode, it's really fun to be in the client seat for a change and have the space and time to explore and be curious about why I'm stuck. My hope you see the role of the coach is really holding the space for that to unfold and to let it happen. And just exploring the the green lights and the red lights. And you know what you didn't see, because this is an audio show not not a YouTube show is a page that she was creating as we went along. And then at the end, she shows me this page, or the green circles and the red circles next to each element of the model, they knew that visual is such a powerful way to drive home Wi Fi like a wheel spinning. So again, I'm really grateful for Lori and her time, I just love the easy logical approach of that model. I think it's the kind of model that you even just by listening to this are able to go and apply. And so I encourage you just to start with yourself to think through something you're stuck on and kind of work through those elements and see if you can get some insight as to which ones are moving away from what you want and which ones are moving you towards what you want. If you've enjoyed this episode, then please hit subscribe in whatever platform you're on and that way you'll be the first to know when the new episodes are released. And then make sure you don't miss a chance on whatever other fun that I have coming down the pipe done for you. So until next week, this is your wing woman signing off