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Oct. 30, 2023

Ask Margaret: Is There a Nice Way to Say "I'm All Touched Out"?

A listener who is all touched out at the end of the day is worried she is hurting her husband's feelings by rejecting his attempts to snuggle.

Moms of little kids are touched all day, every day. So what happens when it's supposedly our spouse's turn at the end of the day, but we're just not in the mood for cuddling?

This week a listener asks:

"I’ve been really wanting my own space lately. I have two preschoolers and I’m nursing a baby. Basically, I’m touched out. I feel terribly bad because yesterday when I got everyone down for a nap, my husband (who is working from home) asked if he could snuggle with me. I said sure, but then asked him to leave so that I could rest.

He caught me red-handed scrolling on my phone a couple of minutes later, and I had to admit I just didn’t want to snuggle. I really hurt his feelings. What can I say? Feeling really guilty… but I just want my own space! Is there a nice way to handle it when you don’t want to be touched?"

The problem here isn't the snuggles, it's the communication. It's 100% reasonable to feel all touched out but also understandable for your spouse to feel hurt when he is cuddle-rejected.

Having a conversation around both of your expectations while working from your maximum point of generosity will solve this problem in no time.

The Parents.com article Margaret references in this article can be found HERE.


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