Ep 171: Celebrating Motherhood with Global Flavors ft Arabella Von Arx, Mimi Jacks, Preet Pannu, & Verena Thoene

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Hi, everyone. Rafael Harry here, and you're listening to White Label American,

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a podcast where we hear stories from an immigrant or two, sometimes more.

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Thank you for listening and enjoy the show.

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Music.

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Welcome to a very extra special episode of White Label American.

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Last year, we did the It's the first Mother's Day episode and it was so much fun. So it's back again.

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And this time we have an extra, you know, we went one extra than last year.

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We did it with three moms.

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So this time we got extra friends of the podcast.

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And we have three guests who have been on an episode, at least one episode before.

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So we have Verena from episode 50.

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Long overdue second appearance on

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the podcast we have Preet who's been on

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episode 145 and last year's Mother's Day

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episode and we have Mimi from Thanksgiving episode

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last year and episode 165 and Arabella who was who's been in the studio has

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brought some extra exciting guests but hasn't officially appeared on an episode

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so thank you all for joining us today and each one of you we have an opportunity to introduce yourself.

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So this is an episode to celebrate our moms and to all our listeners who are

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moms out there, special shout out to you.

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Everyone listening, don't forget, you have an opportunity to let us know, give us feedback.

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We'd love to hear from you. And yeah, thank you for your support.

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And we shall dive in. And how shall we go? We should go alphabetically or right to left?

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It's the moms. You guys decide. I want to go first and introduce yourselves.

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Me? I was going to say Arabella.

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Hey, everyone. It's Mimi, Mimi Jacks. I am a mother of one.

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My daughter is a grown-up. She's 30, but I'm also the host of the Improper Mimi

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podcast, so I'm happy to be back on this show again. Welcome, welcome.

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Hi, everyone. Nice to be back here. Thanks again for inviting me today, Raphael.

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And yeah, it's been almost a year since I've done this. So today I actually

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am nervous. Last time I wasn't.

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I think when you don't do it often enough, you don't know what you're coming

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into. But once you've done it before, you're like, okay, and you have this buildup.

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Anyhow, so it's nice to be here. I'm the mother of two boys, 16 and 11.

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And navigating being a mom of a teenager in the big city in New York. Yeah.

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Thanks for joining us. And I'm Arabella von Arix. I'm thrilled to be here on this vibrant podcast.

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And I have two children, 25 and 27, so they're out of the house. It's a new phase.

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And that has allowed me to start an art project called Gallery Particulier in

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Brooklyn, and it's at gallery.parti, P-A-R-T-I.

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Hi, Verena. I've been a mom now for officially a little bit over five and a

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half years. And it's been a trip.

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I'm one of those people, if you'd asked me 10 years ago, I'd be like,

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I'm not a mom. I'm not mom material. I don't know if I want children.

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I don't think this is for me. And then I met him.

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Then everything changed. So it wasn't that I didn't want children.

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It was just that I didn't want children with whomever I was with at the time.

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So it's been an interesting, if you count the pregnancy into it,

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it's been an interesting six and a half years.

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Mom material meets dad material. That's very important.

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So for those who aren't aware, Verena and myself, the ones who are the parents

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of, there's a little person hiding here.

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Yeah, that's why you should be on Patreon so you can see the video.

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You'll see the video of the little person I'm talking about.

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So yes, we are the parents of Clara, or it'd be Miriam.

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So diving into the first question, which Varian I kind of alluded to.

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Did you always plan on becoming a mother?

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And yes or no, doesn't matter. How has your cultural upbringing influenced your view on motherhood?

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Whether that means having children or how you decided to parent them.

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I would say I didn't necessarily think I would want children.

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I was a little bit, like Verena, like a little bit ambiguous about it, ambivalent about it.

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Like, you know, I like my work, I like my career, and, you know,

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how is that going to work?

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And then I met my husband and we decided to have children and it's just been

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really such a wonderful experience.

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Sometimes I feel if you're ambivalent, then maybe it's not such a bad way to

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go into it because then you really reap the rewards of it that maybe you weren't expecting as much.

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And I would say that I, like in America, I feel like typically parents are more

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lenient with their children.

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They're more strict where I grew up and that's something I adopted and that I like.

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Yeah i didn't know if i wanted to have children i

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just i knew it was culturally ingrained so growing up

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in south asian background you know a rite of

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passage and when you actually are considered a woman in the cultures when you

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become a mother you know and it was it was sort of that milestone in life that

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we were all expected to like reach at some point in our lives you know and so

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i took my time with all of that and i also i enjoyed my life you know i was

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enjoying being in my thirties in New York city.

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And, and I also didn't know if, cause I'd waited if I would be able to have

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kids, you know, things change in your body and you just don't know if the engines

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are going to be firing when they need to, but it happened right away when we decided it was time.

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And it was probably at the point in our relationship when we're on the couch

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looking at each other, we've tried all the ice cream that there is to try Ben and Jerry's.

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We've watched all the movies there are to watch, you know, on the Netflix envelopes,

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the red envelopes that used to come to your door because that's what Netflix was then with the DVDs.

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And we wanted something else to spice things up. And I was like,

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okay, I think it's time. We're married. Let's try.

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And right away, I was pregnant. I knew I'd be a good mom.

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I didn't know if I'd like it. I always knew I'd be good at it because it's logical

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and you know what it takes to be a parent.

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You've seen enough people raise kids and stuff.

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But I was surprised that I liked it. So it's interesting that you say that when

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you go in with an open mind, you appreciate it more. I agree. Yeah.

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Wow. And I have, I think a much maybe different path, you know,

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for, for being a mom. I had my.

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Survivor of abuse. And so I became pregnant and I think my family upbringing

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really encouraged me to keep her.

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And so became a mom, 18, you know, stayed home from high school for graduation.

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Well, stayed home February, had her in February, went back to school,

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graduated, stayed home for the the summer, then went to school in the fall for college.

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So it's been a, it's been a journey as well.

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So like I said, I've always been a single mom, but I can't imagine my life differently without her.

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I think a lot of the things I've done have been for her and for,

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you know, my family, for raising her.

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So I, it was, you know, I enjoyed the pregnancy, you know, having that life inside side of my body.

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But I never really thought about having kids. I was a kid myself at the time.

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But yeah, with the support of my family, you know, it's been great to see her

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grow and to the woman that she is now.

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I think the cultural aspect is interesting because I feel like it wasn't so

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much from like the broader culture

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that like, you know, you're supposed to have kids when you grow up.

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It was more that I grew up with a lot of little girls that really wanted to be moms.

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And I was the odd one out. I was always like, yeah, 10 years from now.

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I kept saying that like from when I was like maybe 13 or 15 because they were

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all like, oh, my God, once we graduate from college, we're going to find a husband

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and we're going to have kids.

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Right. There's that biological clock thing going on, right? Yeah.

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But so this was even during teenage years.

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Like, it would be like, yeah, in 10 years, in 10 years. It kept being 10 years

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for me for a long, long time.

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It wasn't until I had to. Because, you know, that seemed sufficiently enough

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far away that things could change.

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But yeah, I mean, if I compare myself to a lot of the people that I grew up

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with, they either ended up not having kids at all or having them a lot younger than myself. self.

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But also, and I don't know if that played into it, my parents had us really young.

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My mom's best friend had her two boys really young, and kind of we grew up together,

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but we had really young moms, like where if I had been on the same schedule,

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Clara would be graduating college now,

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which is mind-blowing to me and where we are kind of, or where I feel like I am in my life, Right.

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So I think I felt a little bit like, like I said, like the odd one out because

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it wasn't really on the radar.

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And then even after I moved to the U.S., a lot of people that I know that I

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became friends with or friendly with, they now have children that are in high

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school or they have children that like just went to college.

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One of my friends that I'm still in touch with from when I lived in what Raph

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calls upstate, she just had her first granddaughter.

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She's just a couple years older than me. That's amazing.

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And so what I think is really interesting in a kind of melting pot like New

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York is you have everything. Yeah.

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Even though I'm an older mom, right, in our 40s, and we still have a kid in

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kindergarten, there are enough of us out there that I don't feel like the odd one out anymore.

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But there's also a ton of young moms, right? Like, so it's not like anyone,

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there's just enough moms around that nobody, everyone can find their group and

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nobody's kind of like, has to feel alone in that.

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Yeah, that is the beauty of being a city, a big city and diverse city like New York.

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And it's not just diverse in terms of, you know, culture and everything,

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but also there's this age diversity that we get, right?

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And part of what I love about New York, we don't get aged out of things,

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you know, there are certain things that if I was in Kenya, certain things I

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do, I would age out of it and I wouldn't be doing that anymore because it's

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just not what people my age would be doing.

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Like, I like to go to club, I like to dance, things like that.

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Someone who's almost like 50, like me, would not be doing that back in Nairobi,

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you know, and would be sort of judged for it.

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But also as a parent, people would give you a lot of pressure.

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They're like, well, you're 30, you're trying to have a child.

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You're 40, you're trying to have a child. Why?

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And you're going to be an old parent. Why would you do that?

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You know? And people would actually vocalize that. They feel like they can for some reason.

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Whereas here, we're just, we're more accepting with that. And yeah,

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we see gray-haired parents all over Park Slope. So it's not an unusual thing. Yeah.

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Not that you have gray hair at all.

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You have a long way to go before that.

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Did you remind me? And Mimi, thank you for sharing what you shared, by the way.

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But yeah, that's a great point you brought up, Preet. Like Kenya and Nigeria,

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I think we were very upfront with our opinions.

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And sometimes we don't realize this, the line between blonde and being me can

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be a little bit, it's a very thin line.

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I i remember there's a a friend of mine we childhood friend of mine one of my

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few childhood friends who we are still good friends and when i discovered that his,

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his mom's sister was one of those families who couldn't have kids and for lack

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of a better term we refer to those families as barren that's how we just call

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them we call them barren families So,

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in order for his mom's sister not to be identified as a barren woman,

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his mom, I think it's, I don't know how many kids his mom had.

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So, they let him be, let him stay with his aunt and he was identified as his aunt's kid.

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So, that's why we all grew up considering him as himself and his sister.

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And his aunt will now have a child, I think she was probably maybe closer to

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her 50s when she eventually had a child and it was a big party.

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And that's like when everybody realized that, oh, she never had a child all this time.

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So that's how far the family went to just make sure this woman doesn't get stigmatized,

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doesn't get judged and everything.

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I think it may have led to me having empathy for women who go through,

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I say women, especially because as men, we have the liberty to be in and out

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of it, to choose whether to have kids or not.

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Well, we can be in our fifties and come back and say, okay, yeah, I want to have kids now.

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Society treats us in a different way, but it's the women who get the brunt of

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it. And after seeing that big party, I was probably around closer to 14,

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13 or 14, when that big party happened from the church.

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We went to the house. The whole community was there just celebrating with this woman.

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And I thought about it. Like, I've seen movies. I've seen plays,

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how they insult the woman.

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And, you know, the family even starts making moves to get a second wife for

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the man. Like, this woman is barren.

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Go get a fertile woman, a young fertile woman for this.

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To replace and you know i think that

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something just clicked in me then like wow this

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is it's not right to treat a woman and but

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you know you don't say it out loud so you don't get costed by

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your elders but i think it just

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dawned on me that uh you know it's tough for people

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who choose to have children late and i don't

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know but i never did anything and it just disappeared from me and i

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never took recognition of that and until you

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just brought up that point about you know choosing to live certain

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lifestyles that you know later on in life how you get judged and i'm like yeah

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we do get judged you know coming from that society that i came from there's

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a lot of you know harsh judgment like why why are you waiting until now to have

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a child it's just like hey i chose like what is wrong with you nobody would

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just say that to you without understanding,

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what that person has been going through they've been trying you know so i'm

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just putting that out there that yeah i uh it's a memory that just got triggered

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and yeah you know you don't know what people are going through even if they

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decide to wait until they're in their 40s no you know it's people's choices

214
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but that doesn't mean you have the right to go.

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Bash them but yeah and and in your in

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your example right like it's usually the woman

217
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that gets bashed whether that's why i emphasized on

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yeah or the child the child bearing partner is the one who's like who's automatically

219
00:16:02,549 --> 00:16:07,109
thought of as like oh it must be your problem when it could be either or or

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both of them yeah and like my my favorite aunt who i refer to as my as when

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i was on your podcast That's why I called my father Figo.

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It was the same thing with her marriage.

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That's why her husband had to get a second wife because they had gone for years, no child.

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And then they were like, well, I guess nothing is coming out of us.

225
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So, you know, we'll go get you a new wife.

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And, you know, that would be

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more of a time. Then it just seemed like kids were coming from the woman.

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And after her fifth kid, then my aunt had her first child and then second child,

229
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and the first child was a girl, so that was not a problem.

230
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So, oh boy, now I'm like, ah, leave.

231
00:16:48,509 --> 00:16:52,069
This thing can be, having a child is still a problem.

232
00:16:52,589 --> 00:16:57,209
Yeah, you have to have the right child, the first right child, exactly. So, yeah.

233
00:16:57,589 --> 00:17:02,569
Yeah, especially African and Asian culture, very similar that way, right? Mm-hmm. Yes.

234
00:17:03,269 --> 00:17:08,709
The male sex is valued beyond the female sex, basically, right away from day one.

235
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I was the first child And for

236
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my dad People would come to the house And they'd say

237
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Oh we're so sorry It's nice that you had a girl But it's such

238
00:17:18,269 --> 00:17:21,089
a shame And things like that And he got so sick

239
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of hearing it So he threw this party For my six month

240
00:17:24,589 --> 00:17:28,289
birthday Or something Which is unheard of It's such an American thing We don't

241
00:17:28,289 --> 00:17:33,509
do things like that there But he came forward And he said that I want the community

242
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And everybody to know That this is my son And I welcome my son to the world

243
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because he wanted to give me the same standing as, you know,

244
00:17:42,029 --> 00:17:44,029
a boy or a son would have in the community.

245
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So that was kind of really progressive in my mind of him, you know,

246
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to do that. It was very cute of him to do that. It is progressive.

247
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That's beautiful. I also, you know, like you hear so, oh, you know,

248
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women of having children older and everything.

249
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And I think there's a little bit of a misconception there because, you know,

250
00:18:02,741 --> 00:18:06,981
Women always had children in their 40s. It's a myth that they didn't.

251
00:18:07,021 --> 00:18:11,061
I mean, my great-grandmother had children when she was in her 40s.

252
00:18:11,061 --> 00:18:13,941
She started early and she had a number of children. Right, they'd have like

253
00:18:13,941 --> 00:18:17,601
three or four and then have like the last one in their 40s or something. Exactly.

254
00:18:17,741 --> 00:18:19,941
It's not unheard of. It's not changed.

255
00:18:20,121 --> 00:18:24,841
And then also to Raphael's point, I think it's also, you know,

256
00:18:24,861 --> 00:18:30,241
there's also a lot of pressure for people to have children.

257
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And I feel that if a woman chooses not to have a child, it should really be respected.

258
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And it is a choice and it is a valid choice.

259
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You can live a beautiful life without having children.

260
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Yeah, I mean, and you don't know what the reasons are behind that, right?

261
00:18:49,961 --> 00:18:54,501
Health, it could be all sorts of things, finances. Now some women are opting

262
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out of being mothers because of the environment.

263
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Environment and they're like we're not going to be we're going to be impacting

264
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you know the whole world and impacting the world for everybody in such a negative

265
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way if we have children so they're these hardcore climate extremists i wouldn't

266
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call them extremists but you know newspapers do.

267
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Who've all you know made a vow not to have children these ladies are not going

268
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to have children because we don't need more people on the planet because of

269
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you know the drain on resources,

270
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so you never you have to respect i mean i want to share the views similar to

271
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that and i didn't And yeah, I don't think I saw myself as an extremist.

272
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And there are people who I talked to back then.

273
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I'm like, yeah, man, why bring a kid into this world? Why bring a kid in?

274
00:19:35,741 --> 00:19:39,381
I mean, even the 80s, we were talking about population explosion at that point, right?

275
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That's when that phrase came out. And we started hearing about population explosion.

276
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And they referred to Asia and Africa.

277
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And they talk about how the populations were growing beyond anywhere else in

278
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the world and things like that.

279
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Yeah, my mom worked there. That sort of concept came up then.

280
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The federal agency my mom worked for in Nigeria had a family planning program.

281
00:20:00,374 --> 00:20:03,074
In the late 80s into early 90s that was

282
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supposed to be under the military government was supposed to be about they

283
00:20:06,694 --> 00:20:10,314
were worried about population explosion but at

284
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the same time you know every wedding i attended as soon

285
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as you know congratulations you have nine months you have

286
00:20:16,454 --> 00:20:19,514
nine months you know they're shaking the groom's

287
00:20:19,514 --> 00:20:22,594
hand and it is the point it goes to the woman you know you have nine months

288
00:20:22,594 --> 00:20:26,034
starting from today nine months you know we expect we expect the baby or too

289
00:20:26,034 --> 00:20:32,634
we want no pressure like on the tv they call all the adverts are like you know

290
00:20:32,634 --> 00:20:35,954
family planning you know go talk to the professionals and family planning and

291
00:20:35,954 --> 00:20:37,254
then like what you have nine months,

292
00:20:38,034 --> 00:20:43,094
but i think those agencies are actually really good i think like in i want to

293
00:20:43,094 --> 00:20:46,134
believe that they were initiated by women who wanted other women to have opportunity

294
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and they were just kind of under the umbrella of like we're saving the environment

295
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and overpopulation because then Then you can have the man sign off on it.

296
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And then you really bring birth control to those who needed to have the ability

297
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to really control their own body and have opportunity.

298
00:21:02,374 --> 00:21:06,334
That's at least what I want to believe. You're not far from the truth.

299
00:21:07,114 --> 00:21:10,194
Especially like the one I know my mom. Now I know, looking back,

300
00:21:10,374 --> 00:21:13,294
I know that's what my mom worked for.

301
00:21:13,814 --> 00:21:17,694
The idea behind it. And then, well, they employed some.

302
00:21:18,054 --> 00:21:23,774
It was under the military government. So they employed some men who came in, and I'm using men,

303
00:21:23,874 --> 00:21:28,034
I'm not saying all men are bad, but the men who came in said,

304
00:21:28,114 --> 00:21:30,954
well, there's allocation that comes from the federal government,

305
00:21:31,034 --> 00:21:34,154
and then there's allocation that came from UNICEF and so on.

306
00:21:34,691 --> 00:21:37,771
United nation and all that and that means dollars and well

307
00:21:37,771 --> 00:21:40,591
let me help you women spend this money you know you may need

308
00:21:40,591 --> 00:21:43,291
to go cooking and all that so we'll help you

309
00:21:43,291 --> 00:21:49,851
take care of this and when it's gone so yeah you as a child you started seeing

310
00:21:49,851 --> 00:21:54,771
things like that pretty early and you're like oh okay so yeah because they had

311
00:21:54,771 --> 00:22:01,211
the ideas were it looked like ahead of his time but it's it was actually,

312
00:22:01,371 --> 00:22:04,971
it was stuff that, you know, they were educated women then.

313
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So it's not like they weren't, they were around. So they knew the right things

314
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to bring up and they, they were the catchphrases, they were the lingos, the music and all that.

315
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And you're like, oh, everybody's paying attention to this. And then all of a

316
00:22:18,091 --> 00:22:20,691
sudden, programs started to dry up, funding disappeared.

317
00:22:21,011 --> 00:22:24,091
Where did funding go? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. It was like, oh, well,

318
00:22:24,171 --> 00:22:26,871
and then 20 years later, somebody would just come and say, blame the West.

319
00:22:27,271 --> 00:22:30,311
Okay. Yeah. Whatever. but let's move

320
00:22:30,311 --> 00:22:33,811
on to more much more interesting questions

321
00:22:33,811 --> 00:22:37,171
and answers so sticking to

322
00:22:37,171 --> 00:22:39,951
the cultural background what aspects of your

323
00:22:39,951 --> 00:22:43,171
cultural background do you intend to pass down to

324
00:22:43,171 --> 00:22:46,171
your children so now this will be tricky because when i wrote this question

325
00:22:46,171 --> 00:22:51,711
i was only thinking of moms with the younger children but since we have moms

326
00:22:51,711 --> 00:22:56,991
with adult children yeah so what cultural what aspects of your cultural background

327
00:22:56,991 --> 00:23:03,171
did you pass down to your children and what traditions or beliefs do you hope

328
00:23:03,171 --> 00:23:04,811
they will outgrow or reject.

329
00:23:07,171 --> 00:23:12,231
Well, I can say I think with my daughter, I, you know, tried to do a lot of

330
00:23:12,231 --> 00:23:17,071
things that my parents did with me of, you know, raising her in faith and in

331
00:23:17,071 --> 00:23:19,891
the church and instilling education in her.

332
00:23:20,191 --> 00:23:25,251
So those are two things that kind of stick out to me that regardless of,

333
00:23:25,471 --> 00:23:29,831
you know, marriage or having kids, you were going to college, you know.

334
00:23:29,851 --> 00:23:34,091
So we knew that education was very big for my grandmother, to my mom,

335
00:23:34,111 --> 00:23:38,351
you know, to a lot of the people in my family. and just trying to instill in

336
00:23:38,351 --> 00:23:40,611
her to advocate for herself.

337
00:23:41,991 --> 00:23:48,651
And I can see now as she speaks and deals with others that she may work with

338
00:23:48,651 --> 00:23:54,451
or other family members or even how she communicates to other grown-ups.

339
00:23:54,971 --> 00:23:59,111
Yeah, I've met her. Yeah, so proud of her.

340
00:23:59,231 --> 00:24:04,631
And those were things that you think they may not listen or they're not hearing,

341
00:24:04,631 --> 00:24:09,571
But then you can see, oh, okay, there are some aspects of that independent thinking.

342
00:24:10,171 --> 00:24:14,411
And then there's also times of like, oh, my gosh, the independent thinking. Like, what?

343
00:24:14,951 --> 00:24:18,551
You know, just be like, hold your tongue. But we didn't teach them to hold their

344
00:24:18,551 --> 00:24:20,771
tongue. We're teaching, you know, to communicate.

345
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So I think those are some of the good aspects that I've passed down to her that

346
00:24:27,091 --> 00:24:31,551
I wanted to, you know, within my family culture, share with her. Yeah.

347
00:24:32,231 --> 00:24:38,591
Which can also at the same time display what I wanted to break with her,

348
00:24:38,631 --> 00:24:41,471
you know, from my family and from growing up of.

349
00:24:42,676 --> 00:24:47,556
And always, you know, you know, listening to adults or, you know,

350
00:24:47,576 --> 00:24:50,196
oh, you're a child, be quiet, let the adult speak, you know,

351
00:24:50,196 --> 00:24:52,296
there's a place and time for that.

352
00:24:52,356 --> 00:24:56,376
But there's also, you know, you shouldn't have to do something if you don't

353
00:24:56,376 --> 00:24:57,436
feel comfortable with it.

354
00:24:57,516 --> 00:25:02,336
Or if you want, you know, you should be able to express yourself that is respectful,

355
00:25:02,556 --> 00:25:07,256
you know, and that's part of the reason why, you know, my show is Improper Mimi.

356
00:25:07,256 --> 00:25:10,516
Me it's like how can you speak and say your truth you

357
00:25:10,516 --> 00:25:13,616
know and then you're going to be labeled you know oh it's improper you

358
00:25:13,616 --> 00:25:17,276
know it's not the right way to say it but yeah at

359
00:25:17,276 --> 00:25:20,496
the same time of teaching her to speak for herself also kind of

360
00:25:20,496 --> 00:25:23,356
breaks the you know be seen and not heard kind of

361
00:25:23,356 --> 00:25:26,136
thing you know i thought of it that way

362
00:25:26,136 --> 00:25:31,596
but right i brought i

363
00:25:31,596 --> 00:25:34,816
grew up in switzerland and so i brought

364
00:25:34,816 --> 00:25:38,756
to the their family like some you know some traditions

365
00:25:38,756 --> 00:25:41,636
from growing up like

366
00:25:41,636 --> 00:25:46,556
for example we use real candles on our christmas tree and you know little things

367
00:25:46,556 --> 00:25:55,016
like that but i think one thing i feel was of value to my children growing in

368
00:25:55,016 --> 00:25:58,916
you know exposed to two cultures is just that it then

369
00:25:59,196 --> 00:26:04,076
shows that everything can be a little relative, like values,

370
00:26:04,616 --> 00:26:06,296
the way to reach children.

371
00:26:07,976 --> 00:26:10,136
How you treat your children.

372
00:26:10,516 --> 00:26:16,656
That varies from one culture, how you feel about yourself, what your place in society is.

373
00:26:16,996 --> 00:26:23,376
There is no just one true value in that kind of thing, and I think that's something

374
00:26:23,376 --> 00:26:26,076
that I think they benefited from.

375
00:26:27,296 --> 00:26:32,796
Yeah. For me, it would be definitely like sitting down as a family and having

376
00:26:32,796 --> 00:26:35,376
dinner because that's something my parents always did.

377
00:26:35,496 --> 00:26:38,356
And I could tell it was important. It was important to them.

378
00:26:38,396 --> 00:26:41,236
My mom would strive and make that effort to cook things we all liked.

379
00:26:41,276 --> 00:26:44,196
And we all had to gather at the family table and eat dinner.

380
00:26:44,296 --> 00:26:48,676
Even when we became teenagers and we had other plans, we'd make sure we'd come for dinner.

381
00:26:48,776 --> 00:26:51,576
You know, that was a very important thing. and it kept us

382
00:26:51,576 --> 00:26:54,436
connected and let us talk about our day and our lives

383
00:26:54,436 --> 00:26:57,356
to each other yeah that was a good one and then

384
00:26:57,356 --> 00:27:00,156
of course education was always a big one and that's something my

385
00:27:00,156 --> 00:27:03,196
dad always said growing up because he never got to he didn't

386
00:27:03,196 --> 00:27:06,496
even get through high school you know he just went to worked at the age of 14

387
00:27:06,496 --> 00:27:12,276
so sending me you know his oldest to university was a really big deal and then

388
00:27:12,276 --> 00:27:15,636
he always told me people can steal everything away from you but they can never

389
00:27:15,636 --> 00:27:19,636
take your knowledge so that was something very important and we try not to pressure

390
00:27:19,636 --> 00:27:22,556
them for their education, but it's important to get a good education.

391
00:27:23,276 --> 00:27:27,456
And then respect, respect for your elders, respect for how you treat others in society.

392
00:27:28,216 --> 00:27:31,776
That was very important. I grew up in a multi-generational household.

393
00:27:32,076 --> 00:27:36,336
So my dad's mom lived with us and often my mom's mom, she was sort of nomadic.

394
00:27:36,356 --> 00:27:39,596
She'd hop from house to house to have different kids and she'd come and stay

395
00:27:39,596 --> 00:27:41,396
with us too, my mom's mom. So,

396
00:27:42,136 --> 00:27:46,676
That was very special, and I always sort of, you know, put them above my mom and dad's needs.

397
00:27:46,816 --> 00:27:49,536
Whatever they needed, anything, I'd drop whatever mom and dad would ask for

398
00:27:49,536 --> 00:27:53,576
and do what my grandmas wanted first, you know, because I was taught to do that.

399
00:27:53,696 --> 00:27:56,536
And I teach my boys this. Growing up in New York, unfortunately,

400
00:27:56,656 --> 00:28:00,676
we don't have those older people around us, but we had older people on our block.

401
00:28:00,896 --> 00:28:04,436
We have Jack, who's our neighbor, who actually passed away recently,

402
00:28:04,736 --> 00:28:07,276
97, World War II veteran.

403
00:28:07,396 --> 00:28:11,696
And he would stop us and talk about his day, and I would stand there and just

404
00:28:11,696 --> 00:28:13,996
talk. And the boys would get irritable and want to go home.

405
00:28:14,116 --> 00:28:16,276
And I taught them it doesn't matter.

406
00:28:16,936 --> 00:28:20,956
Jack can talk to us for as long as he wants to talk to us. He lives on his own.

407
00:28:21,516 --> 00:28:24,116
And he probably doesn't get a chance to speak to many people.

408
00:28:24,256 --> 00:28:26,536
And we just stand there and listen to his stories.

409
00:28:26,776 --> 00:28:30,036
And you will learn something from him one day. And so they started,

410
00:28:30,136 --> 00:28:32,316
you know, understanding that and getting it. And they would,

411
00:28:32,376 --> 00:28:34,476
you know, stop and chat with him, which was important.

412
00:28:35,496 --> 00:28:39,556
But the things that I would like them to leave behind, and I think they will

413
00:28:39,556 --> 00:28:47,156
because of being in New York, is classism, you know, this regard for other people

414
00:28:47,156 --> 00:28:48,796
in society who are like higher up.

415
00:28:48,876 --> 00:28:52,616
And that phrase comes up with, I guess, my community back home in Kenya.

416
00:28:52,696 --> 00:28:55,336
My mom even says it, okay, he's very high up in the community,

417
00:28:55,496 --> 00:28:56,736
you know, that phrase comes out.

418
00:28:57,016 --> 00:29:01,176
It's very sort of, I guess, Indian way of thinking from the caste system.

419
00:29:01,396 --> 00:29:04,516
If you're a doctor or a lawyer, you're higher up. If you're,

420
00:29:04,516 --> 00:29:07,236
you know, a hairdresser or, you know, you're,

421
00:29:07,336 --> 00:29:10,036
I don't know, washing dishes in a a restaurant you're lower down on

422
00:29:10,036 --> 00:29:12,676
the rung you know and that's something that i don't think we need to

423
00:29:12,676 --> 00:29:15,736
carry forward and i think my boys sort

424
00:29:15,736 --> 00:29:18,476
of accept people for who they are not based on what they

425
00:29:18,476 --> 00:29:21,436
do or where or how much money they have or

426
00:29:21,436 --> 00:29:24,616
what shirts that they're wearing or what shoes really teenagers

427
00:29:24,616 --> 00:29:27,916
that they're wearing yeah

428
00:29:27,916 --> 00:29:30,816
i think respect and kindness are very

429
00:29:30,816 --> 00:29:34,096
important to teach right but when i

430
00:29:34,096 --> 00:29:37,876
think back it's more about a respect has

431
00:29:37,876 --> 00:29:40,516
to be earned from both sides though like you

432
00:29:40,516 --> 00:29:43,376
can't just tell a child well respect your elders like like

433
00:29:43,376 --> 00:29:46,276
you were saying right but the elders also need to

434
00:29:46,276 --> 00:29:50,756
respect the child that children have opinions and we have a great case at home

435
00:29:50,756 --> 00:29:56,436
she has a lot of opinions and as hard as it is sometimes we do want to encourage

436
00:29:56,436 --> 00:30:00,256
that we do want her to speak up we do want her to have opinions and and her

437
00:30:00,256 --> 00:30:05,176
own boundaries it's It's just sometimes really hard when you also as a parent then have,

438
00:30:05,336 --> 00:30:07,936
you know, you have to keep her healthy, you have to keep her safe.

439
00:30:08,836 --> 00:30:13,136
You have to put a stop to certain things. Like you can't go five days without brushing your teeth.

440
00:30:13,296 --> 00:30:16,576
Like even if that's your new opinion and you don't want to brush your teeth,

441
00:30:16,636 --> 00:30:17,616
like that's just not going to work.

442
00:30:18,316 --> 00:30:22,776
So we're walking like a very fine line, a very like concrete fine line with

443
00:30:22,776 --> 00:30:28,056
a five-year-old right now where she does speak up. She tells us things and she

444
00:30:28,056 --> 00:30:31,676
tells us things that are happening and how her opinion is about things that happen at school.

445
00:30:33,341 --> 00:30:35,661
But then at the same time, she just has opinions that are just,

446
00:30:35,681 --> 00:30:39,921
that are the opinion of a five-year-old that just don't work in the real world.

447
00:30:42,081 --> 00:30:45,141
But so we want to give, like, we want to show her the respect as much as we

448
00:30:45,141 --> 00:30:50,061
can, that we respect her and respect her opinion. But yeah, got to put a stop to certain things.

449
00:30:51,541 --> 00:30:55,261
I always tell my daughter, oh, four was the best age.

450
00:30:55,341 --> 00:31:00,521
You know, it's like you were old enough to discover and do things on your own,

451
00:31:00,581 --> 00:31:02,121
but you also still needed my help.

452
00:31:02,121 --> 00:31:08,841
So I could still guide you and help you learn, but then you could stand on your

453
00:31:08,841 --> 00:31:10,641
own and do things by yourself.

454
00:31:12,181 --> 00:31:18,161
And it's an age where there's still a little bit of the magic of early childhood

455
00:31:18,161 --> 00:31:20,641
where not everything is rational.

456
00:31:20,841 --> 00:31:25,041
Then they go to school and get educated, but I felt the same.

457
00:31:25,041 --> 00:31:31,061
Like four is like such an adorable age for that because they're more manageable

458
00:31:31,061 --> 00:31:35,741
than when they're two or three but they still have this enchanted view of the

459
00:31:35,741 --> 00:31:40,921
world yeah yeah and i think the other thing for me is like the whole thing about

460
00:31:40,921 --> 00:31:43,421
like be kind you don't have to be nice but be kind.

461
00:31:44,001 --> 00:31:49,081
You can have a different opinion and you respectfully express this or you you

462
00:31:49,081 --> 00:31:52,161
may not want to do something and you could tell the person that you don't want

463
00:31:52,161 --> 00:31:55,561
to do it you don't have to be Be nice and do it anyway against your own wishes.

464
00:31:55,961 --> 00:31:59,501
But you have to be kind to people and you have to be respectful to people and

465
00:31:59,501 --> 00:32:01,601
communicate that you don't want to do certain things.

466
00:32:01,741 --> 00:32:04,501
And she just knows that we're talking about her because she just turned around.

467
00:32:04,501 --> 00:32:08,361
Out we we

468
00:32:08,361 --> 00:32:11,201
had we felt we had to

469
00:32:11,201 --> 00:32:15,241
intervene a few times in school where

470
00:32:15,241 --> 00:32:22,021
we you know we have a daughter and a son where we felt that our daughter was

471
00:32:22,021 --> 00:32:28,621
asked to be nice and we really resented that you know whereas our son was not

472
00:32:28,621 --> 00:32:33,961
asked to be nice yeah and we actually went in the school and we were like,

473
00:32:34,101 --> 00:32:36,361
don't ask our daughter to be nice,

474
00:32:36,541 --> 00:32:42,501
you know, ask her to be kind, ask her to be respectful, but this message that

475
00:32:42,501 --> 00:32:44,821
girls should be nice, we really resented.

476
00:32:46,071 --> 00:32:49,671
Yeah, that's interesting. I have to watch out for that. Yes,

477
00:32:49,831 --> 00:32:54,291
stuff that I don't, you know, it doesn't always, it's not always in here.

478
00:32:55,051 --> 00:32:59,591
But, you know, sometimes that's why I'm glad I have Verena in my life.

479
00:32:59,671 --> 00:33:04,051
Because sometimes I don't catch it. And then sometimes I'm like, oh, yeah, okay, yeah.

480
00:33:04,131 --> 00:33:08,031
And it's not like one script works for both, right? It works for all even.

481
00:33:08,251 --> 00:33:11,531
Whether male or female, it's different with boys, it's different with girls.

482
00:33:11,711 --> 00:33:14,331
But it's different with different personalities too, you know?

483
00:33:14,451 --> 00:33:17,031
You have to know who your kid is. Like I have a son who's very,

484
00:33:17,191 --> 00:33:19,751
the younger one, who's just a sweet guy.

485
00:33:19,931 --> 00:33:22,571
He has a sweet heart and he'll just get pushed around and stuff.

486
00:33:22,731 --> 00:33:25,031
So with him, I'm like, you have to stand up for yourself.

487
00:33:25,171 --> 00:33:29,291
You have to be more, you know, more forceful. You have to be able to say no.

488
00:33:29,411 --> 00:33:32,351
You can't be nice to everybody, you know. So I'm doing the opposite with him.

489
00:33:32,891 --> 00:33:35,591
Like, and you wouldn't expect somebody to do that for a boy.

490
00:33:35,651 --> 00:33:39,251
But, you know, it depends on their personality. You have to adjust that way as well.

491
00:33:39,691 --> 00:33:42,771
And it depends on your own personality. I mean, I can say for myself,

492
00:33:42,971 --> 00:33:52,431
I try, but I don't always manage to be that calm, you know, level-headed parent.

493
00:33:53,211 --> 00:33:55,951
Because if you catch me in the wrong situation or if we're running late,

494
00:33:56,151 --> 00:33:59,651
I hear your boundary, but you still have to put your shoes on before we go outside.

495
00:34:00,791 --> 00:34:04,891
Yeah, it's difficult. You can't listen to them in every single circumstance.

496
00:34:05,091 --> 00:34:08,571
In certain circumstances, you just want to function and get out the door and

497
00:34:08,571 --> 00:34:12,191
get somewhere, right? And then the dog's barking or the neighbor's ringing the

498
00:34:12,191 --> 00:34:14,811
doorbell or the phone's ringing and then you're trying to deal with the shoe

499
00:34:14,811 --> 00:34:16,771
that they just keep pulling off or whatever.

500
00:34:17,991 --> 00:34:22,911
It gets crazy. Those moments I used to say, you're frying my brain.

501
00:34:23,031 --> 00:34:26,591
That was my phrase. Just listen to me. You're frying my brain.

502
00:34:27,831 --> 00:34:34,491
And we can't be perfect either. Sometimes we get angry and wish we weren't.

503
00:34:34,491 --> 00:34:36,091
But, you know, I think that.

504
00:34:37,339 --> 00:34:41,859
There's this notion, I think there was a book called A Good Enough Parent,

505
00:34:42,219 --> 00:34:47,999
and I think that's a really good notion, like to really aim and really work at it.

506
00:34:48,419 --> 00:34:56,679
Parenting is work. It takes thinking. It does, and it's important to try to

507
00:34:56,679 --> 00:35:01,099
be a good enough parent, but perfect is not something you can reach. It's a myth.

508
00:35:01,359 --> 00:35:08,039
No, it's not true. Anyone selling perfect parenting, that's a scammer.

509
00:35:09,939 --> 00:35:17,139
My cousin who just got married, and congratulations to him and his young missus,

510
00:35:17,279 --> 00:35:20,439
they're 26, so really young.

511
00:35:20,979 --> 00:35:26,079
And we've been going on for almost two years about the one appearance.

512
00:35:26,319 --> 00:35:28,019
And I was like, you're really young.

513
00:35:28,339 --> 00:35:31,839
Enjoy your life a little bit. The other day, he sent me a quote,

514
00:35:31,919 --> 00:35:33,879
and I know the person the quote is from.

515
00:35:33,939 --> 00:35:38,499
It's like one of these, what they call them, you know, got in the water for them.

516
00:35:38,739 --> 00:35:41,819
And they have this, their perception of what a woman should be,

517
00:35:41,959 --> 00:35:43,179
how a woman should behave.

518
00:35:43,519 --> 00:35:49,419
And so for the person to say, children must be allowed to be children.

519
00:35:49,879 --> 00:35:54,219
I knew he had an angle to where he was coming from. And my cousin was like,

520
00:35:54,299 --> 00:35:55,739
you know, I listen to this guy a lot.

521
00:35:56,419 --> 00:35:59,859
I was like okay first of all that's not where you're going to get your parenting

522
00:35:59,859 --> 00:36:02,799
advice from because that's the type of person who will tell you that uh.

523
00:36:04,030 --> 00:36:06,970
The the the mother can be perfect that can

524
00:36:06,970 --> 00:36:10,070
be perfect i'm like yeah he's only setting you up for failure so

525
00:36:10,070 --> 00:36:13,910
for the disconnect from that person find

526
00:36:13,910 --> 00:36:18,030
you find your part and if you're using me as an example i'm not a perfect dad

527
00:36:18,030 --> 00:36:22,830
and i can't point you to any perfect parents out there but yeah and i think

528
00:36:22,830 --> 00:36:25,990
because of this conversation i'm having with my cousin that's how i found out

529
00:36:25,990 --> 00:36:31,850
about child's rights and I wasn't even aware of New York state's bill of rights,

530
00:36:31,970 --> 00:36:34,850
having children's rights in New York state.

531
00:36:35,390 --> 00:36:42,950
That included, but it was mostly tied to the legal ramifications involved in divorce.

532
00:36:43,590 --> 00:36:48,310
And I was like, okay, but through that, I did some more reading into children's

533
00:36:48,310 --> 00:36:50,090
rights, which I'm like, okay, I'm proud of them.

534
00:36:50,970 --> 00:36:54,870
I'm doing a good job on that side of it because, uh,

535
00:36:56,230 --> 00:37:01,150
One thing I'd always considered before even becoming a parent,

536
00:37:01,370 --> 00:37:05,530
or even when I was on the, I don't think I want to, I'm interested in having

537
00:37:05,530 --> 00:37:08,450
a child, was children have a right to their own identity.

538
00:37:10,450 --> 00:37:15,350
And that just, I don't even know the day I decided that was a thing that I was

539
00:37:15,350 --> 00:37:16,550
going to start believing in.

540
00:37:17,490 --> 00:37:22,670
But maybe it was from babysitting my nieces and nephews, my first Just miss, Mrs.

541
00:37:22,830 --> 00:37:28,890
And nephew and seeing how they were just like, wow, this is the way they think.

542
00:37:29,010 --> 00:37:32,990
And okay, just, you know, like, but you're like this person in the family at

543
00:37:32,990 --> 00:37:36,110
the same time, you know, like this person in the family, so you are forming

544
00:37:36,110 --> 00:37:38,170
your own identity and into your own person.

545
00:37:38,530 --> 00:37:42,590
And maybe that's when I began to see children's rights as a theme,

546
00:37:42,810 --> 00:37:45,870
but I didn't have the exact words, wording for it.

547
00:37:45,990 --> 00:37:51,010
So yeah, so it's amazing how this whole journey has come to and,

548
00:37:51,730 --> 00:37:56,910
Well, I think I'm a much better parent in my older age than if I had gone with

549
00:37:56,910 --> 00:38:01,590
that dream I had when I was 18 and I said I was going to get married and have four children.

550
00:38:02,070 --> 00:38:06,570
Good thing that didn't happen. Yeah, I don't know what would have happened then.

551
00:38:06,870 --> 00:38:13,690
But speaking of culture and child's rights, how did you integrate rest,

552
00:38:13,990 --> 00:38:18,710
play, culture, arts into your parenting approach?

553
00:38:21,230 --> 00:38:24,210
I mean, I can speak to what we're trying to do, right? Like,

554
00:38:24,210 --> 00:38:26,190
because we're still in the middle of it with her being five.

555
00:38:26,490 --> 00:38:30,230
I gotta pretend I'm not there. Well, okay. Like, I can know the whole.

556
00:38:32,850 --> 00:38:33,210
So...

557
00:38:34,297 --> 00:38:39,617
She is a very different child from how I was at that age. I was a tomboy.

558
00:38:39,877 --> 00:38:42,757
I played with skateboards and bicycles and cars.

559
00:38:42,997 --> 00:38:47,597
And I had a Barbie because my friends had Barbies. So I didn't want to be, you know, left out.

560
00:38:47,697 --> 00:38:52,457
But that was kind of the extent of my nurturing qualities at that age.

561
00:38:52,917 --> 00:38:57,157
Whereas Clara is very different. She is very artistic.

562
00:38:57,837 --> 00:39:02,717
Like drawing, singing, music, just expressing herself, dancing.

563
00:39:02,717 --> 00:39:06,737
Dancing, she is interested in very different things.

564
00:39:07,377 --> 00:39:09,657
She loves gymnastics, for example.

565
00:39:10,477 --> 00:39:14,277
You could have not caught me doing gymnastics when I was like five,

566
00:39:14,337 --> 00:39:16,697
six, seven years old, because it was just not my thing.

567
00:39:17,097 --> 00:39:22,817
And never afterwards either. But so what I'm trying to do is just to expose

568
00:39:22,817 --> 00:39:26,897
her to as many different things so that she can find what she likes to do.

569
00:39:26,897 --> 00:39:29,697
But also not like pigeonholic so she

570
00:39:29,697 --> 00:39:32,597
likes gymnastics now but if next

571
00:39:32,597 --> 00:39:40,317
year it's dance or the year after it's taekwondo that's totally okay but i want

572
00:39:40,317 --> 00:39:46,237
exposure to to as many things as possible and see where that leads her see how

573
00:39:46,237 --> 00:39:51,737
like that nurtures her and so we signed her up on a whim for theater,

574
00:39:51,937 --> 00:39:56,437
like for five-year-olds, five through fifth grade or something,

575
00:39:56,597 --> 00:40:01,837
and then bought a couple of tickets for BAM when they had performances,

576
00:40:01,917 --> 00:40:08,037
and really take her into environments that maybe not everyone takes their five-year-old

577
00:40:08,037 --> 00:40:09,737
because there's not the interest or they're not,

578
00:40:09,857 --> 00:40:13,117
they're different children, they don't want to sit still and look at something

579
00:40:13,117 --> 00:40:14,237
and look at performances.

580
00:40:15,537 --> 00:40:19,277
And then I would do different things, right? If she was interested very much

581
00:40:19,277 --> 00:40:22,797
in, I don't know, soccer, watching soccer, watching basketball,

582
00:40:23,357 --> 00:40:28,497
we have friends whose children are really into baseball, then I would try to

583
00:40:28,497 --> 00:40:30,617
encourage that and see where that leads her.

584
00:40:31,377 --> 00:40:35,077
So we're right now really in that phase of like, what do you want to do?

585
00:40:35,177 --> 00:40:36,257
What are you interested in?

586
00:40:36,957 --> 00:40:40,877
Where does that get you? What path do you want to go down?

587
00:40:40,977 --> 00:40:44,897
And what maybe we come back to later when she's a little bit older or maybe

588
00:40:44,897 --> 00:40:49,117
never. And I feel like that's the right way to go, especially because you're

589
00:40:49,117 --> 00:40:50,277
being flexible, you know?

590
00:40:50,337 --> 00:40:53,417
And their wants and their needs are going to change as they get older.

591
00:40:53,617 --> 00:40:56,797
And that's what we've done, basically, is try to expose them,

592
00:40:56,817 --> 00:40:58,977
like you say, to everything, give them a taste of things.

593
00:40:59,097 --> 00:41:01,817
And we're lucky we live in a big city like New York, you know?

594
00:41:02,057 --> 00:41:06,577
We have these opportunities. So I like to take them to concerts if I can,

595
00:41:06,757 --> 00:41:12,657
go to play, and try and, you know, that's how I guess the art comes into their life.

596
00:41:13,556 --> 00:41:16,716
My older one doesn't like drawing. I didn't. My mom was an art teacher.

597
00:41:16,876 --> 00:41:20,376
I couldn't take art. And I couldn't take art with her ever.

598
00:41:21,356 --> 00:41:25,516
So that never happened for me. But I'm a video editor, so my art comes out in

599
00:41:25,516 --> 00:41:29,336
a different way. And I like to DJ, so my art comes out in a different direction, you know.

600
00:41:29,856 --> 00:41:33,116
And then my younger one, he loves drawing and he loves sitting there and painting and things.

601
00:41:33,176 --> 00:41:36,996
So we got him the pack of, you know, all the crayons and all the paints and

602
00:41:36,996 --> 00:41:40,296
different papers and stuff that he can play around with. And he does that.

603
00:41:40,936 --> 00:41:45,376
So you do. you start understanding their personality and who they are and what

604
00:41:45,376 --> 00:41:48,216
they like. The older one, of course, he was our first.

605
00:41:48,376 --> 00:41:50,856
So we were like, okay, you're doing soccer and you're going to do basketball

606
00:41:50,856 --> 00:41:51,596
and you're going to do this.

607
00:41:51,776 --> 00:41:54,496
All the stuff that you would do as a mom in Park Slope, you know?

608
00:41:54,936 --> 00:41:59,776
And he hated team sport because he is, he's a high achiever.

609
00:42:00,216 --> 00:42:03,136
And if he's not good at something, he'd rather just not do it.

610
00:42:03,216 --> 00:42:06,616
He wants to be the best and win or just not touch it at all.

611
00:42:06,856 --> 00:42:09,716
And you're in Brooklyn in New York. there's going

612
00:42:09,716 --> 00:42:13,116
to be a superstar on the basketball you know court there's

613
00:42:13,116 --> 00:42:16,176
going to be a superstar on the soccer field you're just not

614
00:42:16,176 --> 00:42:18,856
going to be that superstar there's always going to be someone better than you

615
00:42:18,856 --> 00:42:21,756
when you're when you're touching a sport so like these team

616
00:42:21,756 --> 00:42:25,016
sports were not for him and we realized that and then he discovered fencing

617
00:42:25,016 --> 00:42:27,556
which was really unusual and strange but we're like

618
00:42:27,556 --> 00:42:30,676
okay fencing that's your thing and it came across because

619
00:42:30,676 --> 00:42:33,696
it was one of the after-school offerings at his elementary

620
00:42:33,696 --> 00:42:36,536
school so that's how we found fencing for him which was great

621
00:42:36,536 --> 00:42:39,196
and then he did jujitsu for a

622
00:42:39,196 --> 00:42:41,936
while but he surprised us when he started high school now

623
00:42:41,936 --> 00:42:44,616
he's on the football team so he's doing such an

624
00:42:44,616 --> 00:42:47,616
atypical american sport you know with the

625
00:42:47,616 --> 00:42:50,256
team and he's still not very good at it but he's

626
00:42:50,256 --> 00:42:53,156
also owned that about himself which i think is important

627
00:42:53,156 --> 00:42:57,656
you know i think i was very worried about him steering away from things he's

628
00:42:57,656 --> 00:43:01,856
not good at and he would shut off so much of the world to himself but he's stuck

629
00:43:01,856 --> 00:43:05,136
in football he'll say i'm not that that great at it but he does it and he's

630
00:43:05,136 --> 00:43:09,156
with his bros and you know he's met a lot of guys in high school so it's worked

631
00:43:09,156 --> 00:43:12,936
out in that way culturally it's been hard you asked about culture and.

632
00:43:14,159 --> 00:43:19,579
I'm not connected to the South Asian community as much here as I would be if I was back home.

633
00:43:19,999 --> 00:43:24,019
But they're not interested in it. You know, like we had a wedding we were invited

634
00:43:24,019 --> 00:43:29,099
to last summer in Vancouver, a proper Punjabi, big Indian wedding.

635
00:43:29,359 --> 00:43:32,999
Five days I went for. I was told off because I wasn't there for seven days,

636
00:43:33,119 --> 00:43:33,759
which I shouldn't have been.

637
00:43:34,499 --> 00:43:37,839
I was about to ask. I was there only for five.

638
00:43:39,719 --> 00:43:43,579
And I didn't take them because they were not interested. I knew they would be

639
00:43:43,579 --> 00:43:47,539
bored to death of half this stuff, you know, and they're boys.

640
00:43:47,719 --> 00:43:52,679
They didn't even like the outfit wasn't even exciting. You can get dressed up like, don't care.

641
00:43:52,819 --> 00:43:56,099
You eat Indian food every day. I'm like, I only need one meal of Indian food

642
00:43:56,099 --> 00:43:57,419
a week. It's fine, you know.

643
00:43:57,719 --> 00:44:02,799
So I went on my own and I met my cousin there and I felt bad about not taking them at first.

644
00:44:02,879 --> 00:44:06,319
And then when I immersed myself in it, I'm like, this is not for them.

645
00:44:06,479 --> 00:44:10,539
And it's okay. You know, I can't push it on them. They know that it's there

646
00:44:10,539 --> 00:44:13,339
for them, and that's a world that they can always connect to,

647
00:44:13,499 --> 00:44:15,499
and that's part of who they are.

648
00:44:15,599 --> 00:44:20,959
And they get little glimmers of exposure to it, but they don't have to be constantly pushed into it.

649
00:44:21,279 --> 00:44:24,439
They might also come back to it later, later in life. Right, right.

650
00:44:24,659 --> 00:44:27,599
Because I used to be a little bit like your son when I was growing up,

651
00:44:27,599 --> 00:44:31,679
whereas if I don't feel like I can be really good at it, I don't know if I want to...

652
00:44:32,190 --> 00:44:36,510
Like set myself up for disappointment and getting

653
00:44:36,510 --> 00:44:39,710
older and then also probably having a child myself

654
00:44:39,710 --> 00:44:43,330
like I now do things where

655
00:44:43,330 --> 00:44:47,610
starting in my 30s I started doing things like just for the hell of it to see

656
00:44:47,610 --> 00:44:54,430
like would my body let me do it so I tried snowboarding and surfing for the

657
00:44:54,430 --> 00:44:58,830
first time in my 30s yeah right like I could have done that anytime in my 20s

658
00:44:58,830 --> 00:45:00,970
but I was still in And that mindset,

659
00:45:01,130 --> 00:45:04,910
like, oh, if I can't figure it out, I'm going to be a failure or whatever.

660
00:45:05,190 --> 00:45:08,090
So maybe it's just, you know, they come back to it. They come back to their

661
00:45:08,090 --> 00:45:13,070
cultural roots at some later time, maybe when they meet their significant other

662
00:45:13,070 --> 00:45:15,310
or when they have children on their own.

663
00:45:15,370 --> 00:45:18,250
Yeah, I hope so. I hope so for their sake, you know.

664
00:45:18,630 --> 00:45:23,910
And even a lot of times in college, I've seen, you know, I went to high school

665
00:45:23,910 --> 00:45:27,810
in a suburb and it was mostly, it was a mostly white suburb.

666
00:45:27,810 --> 00:45:29,890
And we had black students from the city.

667
00:45:30,150 --> 00:45:34,150
I grew up in Boston, and we would take students from Boston and,

668
00:45:34,170 --> 00:45:35,530
you know, bus us out to the suburbs.

669
00:45:36,130 --> 00:45:39,090
So there were a few, and there was an Air Force base nearby,

670
00:45:39,250 --> 00:45:42,450
so there were other, you know, people from different cultures.

671
00:45:42,550 --> 00:45:45,590
And, you know, in high school, everyone's like chill, trying to,

672
00:45:45,650 --> 00:45:48,790
you know, just blend in, you know. We're all cool and the same.

673
00:45:49,050 --> 00:45:52,650
And then you see as people go to college, they start to discover and realize.

674
00:45:53,390 --> 00:45:58,690
Either with or without their parents, like, Like, oh, here's a little group that I'm a part of.

675
00:45:59,070 --> 00:46:05,330
And then they start, you know, realizing, you know, some of the heritage or

676
00:46:05,330 --> 00:46:08,490
the history of their culture. And then that kind of expands.

677
00:46:08,770 --> 00:46:11,690
And I've seen, like, people, like, kind of explode. And I was like,

678
00:46:11,790 --> 00:46:16,070
oh, I'm like, you know, I didn't even know, you know, that, you know,

679
00:46:16,070 --> 00:46:18,870
maybe you were Haitian or, you know, some of my Indian friends.

680
00:46:19,010 --> 00:46:22,710
Then they changed, you know, their names became properly pronounced instead

681
00:46:22,710 --> 00:46:24,870
of, like, in high school, you know.

682
00:46:25,310 --> 00:46:30,630
Yeah, yeah. So they may just, you know, find that on their own and become curious.

683
00:46:30,770 --> 00:46:32,530
Yeah, yeah. It'll be interesting to see.

684
00:46:33,226 --> 00:46:37,726
In certain aspects, I'm more German when I'm here than when I'm back home. Oh, yeah. I feel like.

685
00:46:38,766 --> 00:46:43,086
And like, where I see like there's a difference in the way I approach things

686
00:46:43,086 --> 00:46:44,586
or I talk about things sometimes.

687
00:46:46,306 --> 00:46:49,906
Whereas like when I'm back home, it's starting to blend. Like it's starting

688
00:46:49,906 --> 00:46:52,046
to go a little bit the other way now because I've been here.

689
00:46:52,346 --> 00:46:56,306
I lived in Germany for 20 some years and now I've been here for 20 years.

690
00:46:56,786 --> 00:46:59,066
So I feel like now it's like going a little bit the other way.

691
00:46:59,066 --> 00:47:04,606
But at least the first 10 years, I felt more like I was noticeable to me more

692
00:47:04,606 --> 00:47:08,866
German here than when I'm with all the other Germans, so to speak.

693
00:47:09,086 --> 00:47:13,326
Yeah. And my family's American, you know, they, you know, we,

694
00:47:13,406 --> 00:47:15,866
most of them are from Ohio or Pennsylvania.

695
00:47:16,526 --> 00:47:20,906
But I've always, you know, grew up around other cultures.

696
00:47:20,986 --> 00:47:24,466
And so even when my daughter was, you know, four, I'm giving her jerk chicken.

697
00:47:24,486 --> 00:47:26,346
And, and then I'm like, she's crying.

698
00:47:26,466 --> 00:47:28,766
I'm like, Oh, my gosh, that was too spicy for her, you know.

699
00:47:29,066 --> 00:47:32,206
But she's always been around, you know, like my Spanish friends,

700
00:47:32,346 --> 00:47:36,986
which are like family and taking her to other countries with me, you know.

701
00:47:36,986 --> 00:47:44,226
So she has, I guess, been exposed to other cultures that are not just,

702
00:47:44,226 --> 00:47:47,906
you know, Ohio or not just Boston, you know.

703
00:47:47,926 --> 00:47:53,066
So it's important to me that, you know, her education in Boston,

704
00:47:53,186 --> 00:47:56,626
that she was comfortable.

705
00:47:56,626 --> 00:48:00,286
You know, I stayed in Boston so that she could finish her education,

706
00:48:00,486 --> 00:48:02,906
you know, because I was like, oh, I want to go to, you know,

707
00:48:02,926 --> 00:48:05,546
maybe Brazil or Toronto or D.C.

708
00:48:05,626 --> 00:48:09,806
And I was like, I don't have the network there to raise a child by myself as

709
00:48:09,806 --> 00:48:14,726
I do here. So I stayed in Boston, even staying in Boston for school,

710
00:48:14,846 --> 00:48:19,566
because I knew I was going to Tuskegee and Alabama to study architecture.

711
00:48:20,006 --> 00:48:23,426
And I'm like, I'm not going to be able to do that with a baby.

712
00:48:23,546 --> 00:48:28,126
So I stayed in Boston for her whole, you know, education, really.

713
00:48:29,206 --> 00:48:34,626
And even realizing the type of education that was best for her because I,

714
00:48:34,766 --> 00:48:38,226
you know, similarly exposed her to all the sports.

715
00:48:38,366 --> 00:48:41,786
She didn't really like sports, all the instruments. She didn't really stick

716
00:48:41,786 --> 00:48:42,806
with instruments either.

717
00:48:42,966 --> 00:48:48,166
But she loved, you know, reading and, you know, computers.

718
00:48:48,286 --> 00:48:51,846
So I'm like, oh, good, she's going to be an engineer. No, she wasn't an engineer either.

719
00:48:52,326 --> 00:48:55,346
What did she end up doing? she ended up

720
00:48:55,346 --> 00:49:00,666
doing working with International Student Affairs so she's like with the registrar's

721
00:49:00,666 --> 00:49:04,886
office and working with you know helping that transition and the paperwork and

722
00:49:04,886 --> 00:49:08,786
everything for students to come to the States and be able to work you know here

723
00:49:08,786 --> 00:49:12,506
or go to school here I think travel is a great way to.

724
00:49:13,700 --> 00:49:18,080
Get them, you know, open their minds up a little bit and get them to connect to where they come from.

725
00:49:18,280 --> 00:49:22,540
If you can travel and take them to their roots, that's a huge thing to be able to do.

726
00:49:22,640 --> 00:49:26,920
Like I took my boys and we lived in Kenya for a year and I wanted them to experience

727
00:49:26,920 --> 00:49:30,880
what it was like for me growing up in Africa, but what it would also be like

728
00:49:30,880 --> 00:49:35,360
for them to feel like they had another place where they belonged,

729
00:49:35,500 --> 00:49:40,620
you know, not just like off New York or off America, you're also off East Africa,

730
00:49:40,780 --> 00:49:43,940
you know, in a very complex way because they're they're

731
00:49:43,940 --> 00:49:47,420
mixed race they're african-american and indian but the

732
00:49:47,420 --> 00:49:52,460
indian side comes from africa which is very unusual well i

733
00:49:52,460 --> 00:49:59,760
think also like you know you talk about your network in boston and for us who

734
00:49:59,760 --> 00:50:05,080
come to new york you know from another place and we don't have family here and

735
00:50:05,080 --> 00:50:10,820
we're raising children Then you have to create your own family in the city.

736
00:50:11,480 --> 00:50:20,460
And that's a beautiful thing. Your friends, other parents with children really

737
00:50:20,460 --> 00:50:23,580
become a part of your family. You celebrate.

738
00:50:24,580 --> 00:50:30,000
You might celebrate holidays together. And of course, support each other when

739
00:50:30,000 --> 00:50:32,100
you're sick or when something happens.

740
00:50:32,220 --> 00:50:36,040
And you don't have the grandparents. parents. You don't have the uncle, the aunt.

741
00:50:37,120 --> 00:50:43,020
Yeah. I mean, that I think was priceless of, like you say, creating a village,

742
00:50:43,060 --> 00:50:48,780
creating a network of other people that you can rely on and talk to.

743
00:50:49,080 --> 00:50:52,940
Because when we were talking about, you know, finding other similar parents,

744
00:50:53,120 --> 00:50:56,900
some of my closest parent friends were 20 years older than me, you know?

745
00:50:56,940 --> 00:51:00,820
So we definitely had that gap, but our children were the same age.

746
00:51:00,920 --> 00:51:06,860
So, you know, her friends kind of, you know, exposed me to other adults that

747
00:51:06,860 --> 00:51:10,440
could also help with, you know, parenting and talking about,

748
00:51:10,500 --> 00:51:12,020
oh my gosh, what are they going through?

749
00:51:12,240 --> 00:51:17,000
And even, you know, a lot of afterschool, you know, activities,

750
00:51:17,220 --> 00:51:21,480
I'm like, I was a workaholic, you know, and she was the one who,

751
00:51:21,500 --> 00:51:24,420
you know, was like, mom, like, no, why are you always working so much?

752
00:51:24,560 --> 00:51:27,340
But like, during that time when I was just like work work

753
00:51:27,340 --> 00:51:30,100
work she had a place to go to you know

754
00:51:30,100 --> 00:51:32,840
her you know she was part of her

755
00:51:32,840 --> 00:51:35,800
friend's family you know like you know family dinners brother

756
00:51:35,800 --> 00:51:38,780
sister you know because she was definitely an only child

757
00:51:38,780 --> 00:51:45,760
and I was you know so yeah that's that's priceless definitely yeah it is it

758
00:51:45,760 --> 00:51:53,440
is so ah that's uh it's you know it's another thing that you can't underestimate

759
00:51:53,440 --> 00:51:55,920
oh So someone needs my phone unlocked.

760
00:51:56,400 --> 00:51:58,660
Good thing you haven't discovered the secrets.

761
00:52:00,060 --> 00:52:01,520
On camera too.

762
00:52:02,475 --> 00:52:07,135
Not today. Can you turn the volume down a little bit? It's almost an hour.

763
00:52:07,995 --> 00:52:09,675
I've been hearing the volume all this time.

764
00:52:11,315 --> 00:52:15,135
You've been a good audience, by the way. Live audience participation.

765
00:52:17,575 --> 00:52:23,035
It's so good. The bribe worked. That's part of a child's right.

766
00:52:25,155 --> 00:52:28,455
Being bribed. Yeah.

767
00:52:28,455 --> 00:52:32,435
Yeah, well, yeah, the audience, those listening or watching,

768
00:52:32,615 --> 00:52:38,575
you all can write him and let me know how you'll, you know, handle or deal with

769
00:52:38,575 --> 00:52:42,395
your, your, your kids, how you incorporate, you know, especially for the moms,

770
00:52:42,615 --> 00:52:46,055
I don't want to hear from the dads until dad's day, but if you,

771
00:52:46,075 --> 00:52:49,035
if you, if you supporting me on Patreon, then yeah, you can write him now,

772
00:52:49,115 --> 00:52:52,615
you know, if you're not a supporter, then yeah, yeah, take your time.

773
00:52:53,155 --> 00:52:55,935
Yeah. From moms. Yeah. Let me know how your mother's journey,

774
00:52:56,075 --> 00:52:57,435
how you've navigated yours, how

775
00:52:57,435 --> 00:53:03,035
it's, going and especially those who are living in a country or a state,

776
00:53:03,255 --> 00:53:07,335
you know, city where you didn't grow up in, you had to, you know,

777
00:53:07,335 --> 00:53:11,735
raise your child in a whole different environment without family, friends,

778
00:53:12,295 --> 00:53:17,575
yeah, it's not, it's not easy, that's one thing that I appreciate.

779
00:53:17,855 --> 00:53:21,715
So I envy those who have family around them.

780
00:53:22,435 --> 00:53:25,235
Yeah, because it's tough sometimes, you know, like, you know,

781
00:53:25,235 --> 00:53:29,855
I miss one of my buddies who had to move, one of my Navy friends who,

782
00:53:29,975 --> 00:53:34,935
he became a good family friend, but for some reason he had to move to West Virginia,

783
00:53:35,195 --> 00:53:37,395
uh, he was like our first babysitter.

784
00:53:38,695 --> 00:53:43,455
He, he had older kids, so he had an older son. So, um, yeah,

785
00:53:43,495 --> 00:53:47,435
he was like, yeah, if you, if you need someone to come watch your, your baby, I got you.

786
00:53:47,515 --> 00:53:50,755
And he'll, he'll come watch Clara when she was younger.

787
00:53:50,855 --> 00:53:53,835
I was like, yeah, yeah, you know, you got, you sure you good?

788
00:53:54,035 --> 00:53:56,435
He's like, yeah, I got it, man. man, I've done this before, you know,

789
00:53:56,435 --> 00:54:01,395
so yeah, that, it's priceless when you have friends that can do that for you

790
00:54:01,395 --> 00:54:05,195
and you build your own village, you don't even realize that you're, you're doing that.

791
00:54:05,335 --> 00:54:11,035
And then now we, we've met a whole bunch of fantastic people through our kid,

792
00:54:11,255 --> 00:54:14,295
you know, never, you know, been in the neighborhood and, uh,

793
00:54:14,395 --> 00:54:19,195
never thought I would become friends with a whole bunch of other parents, you know, all this time.

794
00:54:19,315 --> 00:54:22,775
I probably walked past them multiple times until I had a kid.

795
00:54:22,975 --> 00:54:26,955
Mm-hmm and then knowing them. So, yeah, I appreciate them for who they are.

796
00:54:27,355 --> 00:54:32,355
Thanks for them being in my kid's life. So I need to start wrapping up.

797
00:54:32,595 --> 00:54:35,055
You guys have given me a lot of awesome stuff.

798
00:54:35,455 --> 00:54:38,055
But there are some fun questions I haven't asked yet.

799
00:54:39,355 --> 00:54:46,115
So, first one. I need you to choose three to four songs that best describe the

800
00:54:46,115 --> 00:54:48,815
bond between you and your child. Okay.

801
00:54:49,386 --> 00:54:53,946
Our children. Yeah. Y'all thought it was just going to be.

802
00:54:56,106 --> 00:55:00,626
Philosophical questions all this time. Now we got to go into the trick questions

803
00:55:00,626 --> 00:55:03,526
and, you know, my trick questions come with tricks.

804
00:55:03,886 --> 00:55:07,426
So here we go. I need advance written notes. No.

805
00:55:08,186 --> 00:55:13,486
This is the trap questions. This is about music. I don't know if that best describes

806
00:55:13,486 --> 00:55:15,326
my relationship with my kids,

807
00:55:15,426 --> 00:55:18,486
but when they were small, all i would sing

808
00:55:18,486 --> 00:55:21,626
to them you can't always

809
00:55:21,626 --> 00:55:24,426
get what you want and i never

810
00:55:24,426 --> 00:55:27,946
thought i would be using the rollie stones to

811
00:55:27,946 --> 00:55:31,226
raise my children yeah perfect

812
00:55:31,226 --> 00:55:34,246
i like that one so my youngest

813
00:55:34,246 --> 00:55:37,586
he used to when he was yeah i

814
00:55:37,586 --> 00:55:40,826
guess about three or so katie perry was big deal then i used

815
00:55:40,826 --> 00:55:44,606
to jump around on the the couch and sing katie perry's roar so that

816
00:55:44,606 --> 00:55:48,426
became that became a big big one it's an important one and actually i showed

817
00:55:48,426 --> 00:55:51,606
it to clara the other day when we were at the butterfly garden because she was

818
00:55:51,606 --> 00:55:54,626
watching these music videos i'm like do you know this one and she knew it right

819
00:55:54,626 --> 00:56:02,066
away she's like oh yeah i know roar i'm like okay cool and then i think one that we sort of.

820
00:56:02,906 --> 00:56:06,306
Always gravitate to as a family was bob marley's three

821
00:56:06,306 --> 00:56:09,486
little birds don't worry about a thing I like

822
00:56:09,486 --> 00:56:13,506
that one and it's a good message for everybody especially my teenager nowadays

823
00:56:13,506 --> 00:56:21,446
and then there's a hip hop one Lil Uzi Vert and his I Just Wanna Rock the boys

824
00:56:21,446 --> 00:56:26,826
both like that and I started to like it too I was about to ask your son approved

825
00:56:26,826 --> 00:56:28,186
of you mentioning hip hop,

826
00:56:28,690 --> 00:56:31,890
himself and uh kid perry and the

827
00:56:31,890 --> 00:56:35,110
same probably not and now it's

828
00:56:35,110 --> 00:56:38,570
all taylor swift it's all about taylor swift no he

829
00:56:38,570 --> 00:56:42,210
can't stand her but it's all about her these days especially her new album came

830
00:56:42,210 --> 00:56:45,470
out they're having these they're having these you know watch parties and then

831
00:56:45,470 --> 00:56:48,470
they're having these this movie of hers movie night at the school and stuff

832
00:56:48,470 --> 00:56:52,850
i'm like do you want to go it's like uh yeah this is the 11 year old it's like

833
00:56:52,850 --> 00:56:58,090
uh-uh too cool for that all right we've I feel you. I feel you. I know.

834
00:56:58,290 --> 00:57:01,290
They don't like what I play as a DJ either. Oh, wow.

835
00:57:03,690 --> 00:57:07,230
That's mom. That's old music. I'm like, it's contemporary. Okay.

836
00:57:08,970 --> 00:57:13,890
I'm the one dancing to Preet's music. Now they're going to make me feel old. He old.

837
00:57:14,550 --> 00:57:17,630
Check out the shoes he's wearing. I'm like, man, I wear different colors.

838
00:57:20,070 --> 00:57:23,150
My daughter's created a Spotify playlist. Well,

839
00:57:23,330 --> 00:57:28,670
I mean, you can just, you know, click on something and it'll combine her some

840
00:57:28,670 --> 00:57:31,790
of her favorite songs and my favorite songs and then kind of make a playlist

841
00:57:31,790 --> 00:57:35,270
that, you know, we can both, you know, live with.

842
00:57:35,690 --> 00:57:39,330
And when she was growing up, she listened to a lot of K-pop and,

843
00:57:39,370 --> 00:57:43,070
you know, and I was like, oh, my gosh, these songs are in my head.

844
00:57:43,130 --> 00:57:47,270
We're like, we need some old school, you know, R&B, some old school hip hop.

845
00:57:47,270 --> 00:57:53,570
But one song that, you know, she was doing some Discord thing and they were

846
00:57:53,570 --> 00:57:57,050
like, oh, what is like on your parents must have, you know, playlist.

847
00:57:57,730 --> 00:58:05,650
And so she remembered Sanchez. A reggae song he had was Lonely Won't Leave Me Alone.

848
00:58:06,030 --> 00:58:09,450
And I used to play that, you know, blasted, jamming in the car.

849
00:58:09,450 --> 00:58:14,090
And one day like when she was little she was like mommy why won't only leave

850
00:58:14,090 --> 00:58:19,070
him alone and I'm like oh I'm like okay it's just like a saying you know so,

851
00:58:19,690 --> 00:58:24,950
yeah she definitely has some memories of songs that you know I would play and

852
00:58:24,950 --> 00:58:29,150
then so when I hear her playing it now I was like oh yes good job you learned

853
00:58:29,150 --> 00:58:31,890
well you know that's some good music you know,

854
00:58:32,630 --> 00:58:35,410
yes yes I'm like I've done a good job.

855
00:58:36,850 --> 00:58:38,730
But another song that

856
00:58:39,088 --> 00:58:43,188
One time when she was little, a bird got in the house, and I don't like birds.

857
00:58:43,268 --> 00:58:44,608
I'm terrified of birds, you know.

858
00:58:44,828 --> 00:58:47,688
So I'm like, oh, my gosh, how am I going to get this bird out of the house?

859
00:58:47,748 --> 00:58:51,908
So eventually I covered it with a big pot, and then I had a cookie sheet under

860
00:58:51,908 --> 00:58:53,088
it, and I'm like, oh, my gosh.

861
00:58:53,468 --> 00:58:58,168
But I was like singing to myself, you know, like a Sunday school song or something,

862
00:58:58,248 --> 00:59:01,788
you know, like, oh, God has not given us a spirit of fear, you know.

863
00:59:01,868 --> 00:59:05,368
So kind of just singing that song over and over. So she's like standing in the

864
00:59:05,368 --> 00:59:08,268
corner of the kitchen, and she's, you know, watching me like, okay.

865
00:59:08,268 --> 00:59:14,148
Okay, so mom's afraid, but I'm still going to do this, and it's okay to be afraid,

866
00:59:14,308 --> 00:59:18,128
but sometimes you have to do things that you never thought you would do.

867
00:59:18,308 --> 00:59:22,788
So I'm singing to myself, and I'm like, oh my gosh, and then I get it outside,

868
00:59:23,048 --> 00:59:24,928
and then I take off the thing so the bird can go.

869
00:59:25,608 --> 00:59:29,988
So that's another song that is just like, okay, you could just play that over

870
00:59:29,988 --> 00:59:35,488
and over in your head, and it's okay because parents are not perfect. We're scared too.

871
00:59:35,688 --> 00:59:39,288
That's right. Sometimes we just have to do the responsible grown-up thing to

872
00:59:39,288 --> 00:59:42,788
help save everybody. That's right. Got emotional. Bird. That's true.

873
00:59:44,508 --> 00:59:54,108
When my daughter was six years old, she loved Salif Keita, an African musician.

874
00:59:54,288 --> 00:59:55,388
He's really beautiful.

875
00:59:55,928 --> 00:59:59,408
She would just listen to him over and over and over again.

876
00:59:59,808 --> 01:00:04,708
And I was like, I have to see if he's coming to New York because she's obsessed

877
01:00:04,708 --> 01:00:07,908
with him. And he did come to the band shell.

878
01:00:08,048 --> 01:00:12,448
We lived really close. And like two days, I think, before her birthday, it was incredible.

879
01:00:13,148 --> 01:00:18,488
And so, you know, he has this song, Je t'aime mon amour, I love you, my love.

880
01:00:18,908 --> 01:00:25,888
And I mean, yeah, I think that parenting, you get all this unconditional love.

881
01:00:26,128 --> 01:00:31,768
And so, yes, that's definitely a beautiful song to illustrate that. Fantastic.

882
01:00:32,427 --> 01:00:38,447
Yeah. So Clara has her own playlist that plays in the house.

883
01:00:38,647 --> 01:00:42,707
Well, I listen to her music more than I listen to my own, but there's like two

884
01:00:42,707 --> 01:00:45,967
songs that stick out to me that have nothing to do with her playlist that are

885
01:00:45,967 --> 01:00:48,247
more from like what I associate with her.

886
01:00:48,567 --> 01:00:51,947
So there was this time when she was a newborn where she would wake up in the

887
01:00:51,947 --> 01:00:54,587
middle of the night and would just not go back to sleep.

888
01:00:55,327 --> 01:01:00,427
For some reason, the song that stuck in my head was that Take You to Church.

889
01:01:00,687 --> 01:01:03,487
So I would But, like, me standing, like, half asleep in the bedroom,

890
01:01:03,607 --> 01:01:08,647
like, rocking her and, like, humming the hook to that, I, like,

891
01:01:08,667 --> 01:01:09,767
still vividly remember that.

892
01:01:10,067 --> 01:01:13,667
I don't know why it was that song. It was just, like, that song was just for

893
01:01:13,667 --> 01:01:16,247
some reason stuck in my head. I had heard it on the radio or something.

894
01:01:17,807 --> 01:01:22,707
So, like, if she ever, like, knows the words to that, it's fate.

895
01:01:24,447 --> 01:01:28,287
And then there's one song that I associate with her in terms of,

896
01:01:28,327 --> 01:01:32,907
like, the words and the music that I listen to. So I grew up mostly listening

897
01:01:32,907 --> 01:01:35,367
to rock music. And it's a band called Hailstorm.

898
01:01:36,747 --> 01:01:43,267
And the singer or the founding member is a woman. And she wrote a song, Dear Daughter.

899
01:01:43,647 --> 01:01:46,667
And it's all about, like, be yourself, express yourself.

900
01:01:46,967 --> 01:01:51,847
And I'm here holding you up, love you unconditionally, and help you through

901
01:01:51,847 --> 01:01:54,087
when someone is mean to you, basically.

902
01:01:54,547 --> 01:02:01,347
I love that. Yeah. It's good. I got one song memory to throw in there.

903
01:02:01,527 --> 01:02:07,987
It's not, it technically adds to this answer, but I was one day,

904
01:02:08,167 --> 01:02:15,847
every now and then I show or introduce Clara to songs that I enjoyed from my

905
01:02:15,847 --> 01:02:20,987
childhood or even from my days in Nigeria or just songs that I like.

906
01:02:21,207 --> 01:02:23,827
The ones that I feel, okay, I can let her know,

907
01:02:24,451 --> 01:02:29,251
listen to this song right now. So there was one song that I was a kid when this

908
01:02:29,251 --> 01:02:31,311
song was hot on the Nigerian airwaves.

909
01:02:31,851 --> 01:02:35,131
I don't have my phone on me, so I can't get the artist's name.

910
01:02:35,251 --> 01:02:39,631
He's Malawian. My friend told me he's Malawian. He, I think he was in South Africa.

911
01:02:39,931 --> 01:02:43,711
And he used to play this song on federal and state TV.

912
01:02:44,371 --> 01:02:47,511
It's he's singing about being a poor man. He needs some money.

913
01:02:47,631 --> 01:02:50,291
And we just found that song.

914
01:02:50,571 --> 01:02:55,391
It used to blow our mind. This just blows my mind crazy, like as kids.

915
01:02:55,971 --> 01:02:59,731
And I don't know why I thought of that song. I was just like,

916
01:02:59,791 --> 01:03:03,691
oh yeah, there are some kids who used to dance this funny dance in the video.

917
01:03:03,951 --> 01:03:06,991
Let me see if I can find this song on YouTube. And I found this and I was like,

918
01:03:07,031 --> 01:03:08,991
oh man, I gotta see this video.

919
01:03:09,111 --> 01:03:13,831
So I showed that video and I was like, you know, maybe when you're talking to

920
01:03:13,831 --> 01:03:15,331
your grandparents, you sing this song to them, right?

921
01:03:15,711 --> 01:03:19,531
And then the next day we were walking from school or to school.

922
01:03:20,231 --> 01:03:23,231
And guess what this kid is singing to me i need some

923
01:03:23,231 --> 01:03:26,451
money money i need some money and

924
01:03:26,451 --> 01:03:30,291
then she has a hand out to me i'm like yeah that's not why i showed you this

925
01:03:30,291 --> 01:03:33,091
song that's that song you're supposed to use it on your grandparents not to

926
01:03:33,091 --> 01:03:39,731
me you know what you know this this you know what i revoke your rights that's

927
01:03:39,731 --> 01:03:43,931
yeah that's not how we do it but yeah it was it was quite hilarious how

928
01:03:44,011 --> 01:03:46,611
she quickly turned the song on me. Like, I'm like, oh, man.

929
01:03:46,831 --> 01:03:50,291
But, yes, it's a classic. I hope he's still alive, though.

930
01:03:50,771 --> 01:03:53,191
Yeah, it was something that took me back to my childhood.

931
01:03:53,771 --> 01:03:58,231
Yeah, but one of her favorite songs is still one of my favorite Nigerian rap songs.

932
01:03:59,431 --> 01:04:04,511
So, yeah, I guess we're doing something right. Well, but also, like, at this age, like,

933
01:04:05,159 --> 01:04:08,159
Sometimes you don't realize how explicit some of the lyrics are.

934
01:04:08,279 --> 01:04:11,179
And then you listen to it with the five-year-old in the room and you go like,

935
01:04:11,219 --> 01:04:13,439
oh, maybe we should skip that.

936
01:04:14,379 --> 01:04:17,859
I'm still discovering songs that I'm like, those are the lyrics?

937
01:04:18,379 --> 01:04:22,859
And my daughter loves karaoke, but, you know, she says I'm not very good at

938
01:04:22,859 --> 01:04:27,319
it, you know, because I'm just like, oh, wait, you're reading the words, but I'm not on beat.

939
01:04:27,599 --> 01:04:30,179
Or I'm like, so the words? I'm like, I don't think that's the right word.

940
01:04:30,299 --> 01:04:31,959
She takes it very seriously. Yeah.

941
01:04:33,559 --> 01:04:38,619
By the time Clara discovered career kick it's game over yeah she

942
01:04:38,939 --> 01:04:42,239
has she found some Beyonce

943
01:04:42,239 --> 01:04:45,099
introduced her to Beyonce way too early but it was

944
01:04:45,099 --> 01:04:47,939
like oh yeah like oh man I'm

945
01:04:47,939 --> 01:04:52,359
in trouble so yeah sometimes she's like I want I want I want that grown woman

946
01:04:52,359 --> 01:04:57,919
song I'm like oh lord or even like right now Olivia Rodrigo you know my 10 year

947
01:04:57,919 --> 01:05:05,479
old niece you know loves her and I'm like do you know what she's like saying and I'm like nah,

948
01:05:06,059 --> 01:05:10,959
we won't we won't go into that yeah just give her one song and that's it like

949
01:05:10,959 --> 01:05:19,839
mine does Jolene we do Jolene yeah from Cowboy Cutter we do yeah she has a classmate

950
01:05:19,839 --> 01:05:21,679
I mean she has a classmate named

951
01:05:21,679 --> 01:05:25,519
Jolene so she says yeah we sing Jolene to her every day in school aww,

952
01:05:26,379 --> 01:05:29,359
alright you know what that's fun you'll have fun with it.

953
01:05:32,779 --> 01:05:35,559
So final question i'll wrap up

954
01:05:35,559 --> 01:05:38,699
which well technically the second to last question

955
01:05:38,699 --> 01:05:41,879
and here comes that special guest in

956
01:05:41,879 --> 01:05:44,859
the studio so i've not asked

957
01:05:44,859 --> 01:05:52,979
about food what's one cuisine or the most memorable meal that best that you

958
01:05:52,979 --> 01:05:59,179
like to let me see what's the your favorite meal that you enjoy with your children

959
01:05:59,179 --> 01:06:04,019
that brings any heartwarming food-related.

960
01:06:04,997 --> 01:06:10,377
Memories that you have with your kids? Well, for us, it was a dish that my husband

961
01:06:10,377 --> 01:06:13,457
discovered on Dinner Spinner when he started cooking.

962
01:06:13,797 --> 01:06:16,557
It doesn't cook often, but every now and then he'll find a new recipe.

963
01:06:16,677 --> 01:06:19,657
Whereas I cook the usual stuff that they're all used to.

964
01:06:20,037 --> 01:06:23,397
Dad will come and cook and it'll be a brand new recipe that he'll find and he'll

965
01:06:23,397 --> 01:06:25,577
follow the recipe. I don't follow recipe. I just do my thing.

966
01:06:26,217 --> 01:06:30,037
I'm busy functioning in the kitchen. I'm just trying to get everyone fed and

967
01:06:30,037 --> 01:06:31,197
I'm not looking at new stuff.

968
01:06:31,377 --> 01:06:34,877
But they're so happy when he comes in and does it because it's a brand new thing.

969
01:06:35,277 --> 01:06:39,357
So he found this lamb recipe, which they love. And every now and then,

970
01:06:39,417 --> 01:06:42,197
like once every six months or eight months or so, he'll make this lamb.

971
01:06:42,317 --> 01:06:44,917
And it's a very special meal for us to sit down and eat. And he's like,

972
01:06:45,117 --> 01:06:47,217
Daddy, when can you make the daddy lamb?

973
01:06:47,337 --> 01:06:50,417
They call it the daddy lamb. Like there's still like little kids when they talk

974
01:06:50,417 --> 01:06:53,817
about that food, they love it. So yeah, it's the lamb.

975
01:06:54,657 --> 01:06:58,897
Food played a really important part in our family life, as you said,

976
01:06:58,977 --> 01:07:01,077
like, you know, meals were super important.

977
01:07:01,237 --> 01:07:06,757
But one thing that I really enjoy now is like, you know, I grew up in Switzerland.

978
01:07:06,797 --> 01:07:12,677
I mean, the access to cuisine we had was like Chinese was super exotic.

979
01:07:12,837 --> 01:07:18,597
Like, you know, there was one restaurant and I had Thai food for the first time

980
01:07:18,597 --> 01:07:21,077
in my mid-20s. Same thing with Mexican food.

981
01:07:21,517 --> 01:07:27,537
Meanwhile, my kids are like making Tom's soup, Thai soup. They buy their,

982
01:07:27,537 --> 01:07:31,957
what's it called, lemongrass. They cook Indian.

983
01:07:32,377 --> 01:07:37,857
And so I really love that, I think. So for them, it's like nothing special.

984
01:07:38,377 --> 01:07:41,437
It's totally part of how they live now.

985
01:07:42,637 --> 01:07:49,117
I can remember when my daughter, you know, as a grown-up, you do the grocery

986
01:07:49,117 --> 01:07:50,577
shopping, you do this, you do that.

987
01:07:50,957 --> 01:07:55,257
And then, you know, when she was, you know, in her 20s after she graduated college,

988
01:07:56,157 --> 01:08:01,557
and remember realizing that she wanted, like, peanut butter and chocolate ice

989
01:08:01,557 --> 01:08:03,117
cream. And I'm like, what is that?

990
01:08:03,357 --> 01:08:06,217
And she's like, that's my favorite. I was like, I didn't know this.

991
01:08:06,297 --> 01:08:10,277
Like, she's like, yeah, well, you know, that's, you know, what she's discovered

992
01:08:10,277 --> 01:08:11,997
that she liked. And I was like, oh, my goodness.

993
01:08:12,097 --> 01:08:14,537
She's, like, really thinking on her own.

994
01:08:14,697 --> 01:08:20,437
She's, you know, making her own decisions by doing her own groceries and everything. But she'll do...

995
01:08:21,409 --> 01:08:24,509
Again, she'll do a lot of like Korean dishes. And, you know,

996
01:08:24,529 --> 01:08:28,029
it's almost like when I go to her house, I'm like, I don't have any like regular

997
01:08:28,029 --> 01:08:31,629
food, you know, like American food or something.

998
01:08:32,729 --> 01:08:37,429
But I do remember, you know, when she was younger and she said she loved,

999
01:08:37,489 --> 01:08:39,509
you know, like fried chicken and macaroni and cheese.

1000
01:08:39,749 --> 01:08:44,829
So I'm like, great, we're going to teach you how to make fried chicken and macaroni and cheese.

1001
01:08:45,069 --> 01:08:50,409
So if you're ever off somewhere and you just want a meal that you can make and

1002
01:08:50,409 --> 01:08:53,989
it'll make you feel good you'll know how to make you know a good home cooked

1003
01:08:53,989 --> 01:09:00,849
meal so we taught her how to do that and i don't even know she's done that recently but.

1004
01:09:01,669 --> 01:09:06,929
We have a family cookbook she can always go to that if she you know wants a good home cooked meal,

1005
01:09:07,609 --> 01:09:10,909
i think my mom had a little bit of a reaction like you to your daughter's cooking

1006
01:09:10,909 --> 01:09:16,309
to my cooking because i grew up like my mom is used to be a very picky eater

1007
01:09:16,309 --> 01:09:19,729
now she's just like a normal I'm a picky eater. And she admits that too.

1008
01:09:20,169 --> 01:09:24,529
So I grew up eating a lot of the same things over and over and over.

1009
01:09:25,149 --> 01:09:30,229
And like you said, there wasn't like other cuisine like readily available for

1010
01:09:30,229 --> 01:09:32,929
a price point that as a teenager you can afford.

1011
01:09:33,149 --> 01:09:37,629
So as soon as I started traveling on my own and started living on my own,

1012
01:09:37,709 --> 01:09:43,449
I started trying and cooking all sorts of things and trying and eating all sorts of other foods.

1013
01:09:43,769 --> 01:09:46,689
And she's a good cook. Very good cook. Thank you.

1014
01:09:47,429 --> 01:09:51,589
If you ask Clara I'm not but that's okay so

1015
01:09:51,589 --> 01:09:54,329
I'm I'm the person who who like you know

1016
01:09:54,329 --> 01:09:57,349
one day I cook ramen and the next day we

1017
01:09:57,349 --> 01:10:00,429
make you know West African stew and the day

1018
01:10:00,429 --> 01:10:03,509
after that is like German braten with potatoes and

1019
01:10:03,509 --> 01:10:12,089
like but for Clara that's normal now going out and having all these different

1020
01:10:12,089 --> 01:10:15,949
foods at your fingertips or opening the spice cabinet and having all these these

1021
01:10:15,949 --> 01:10:20,449
different ingredients at your fingertips. Like she's growing up like that's.

1022
01:10:21,256 --> 01:10:25,016
Who doesn't have that? Who doesn't have kimchi in their fridge? Yeah.

1023
01:10:25,536 --> 01:10:30,056
Or miso paste or, you know, ground crayfish for seasoning.

1024
01:10:32,696 --> 01:10:36,636
So it's interesting. Right now we're at the stage where sometimes she loves

1025
01:10:36,636 --> 01:10:39,656
what I make. When I make it again the next week, it's the worst thing she's ever had.

1026
01:10:40,956 --> 01:10:42,736
So it's a total hit or miss.

1027
01:10:44,856 --> 01:10:49,136
Yep. That's true. She eats everything.

1028
01:10:49,396 --> 01:10:53,056
That's the good thing. At this age, yeah, I'm glad she does.

1029
01:10:53,256 --> 01:10:56,596
Hopefully it stays the same. It makes it easy to travel with them too then.

1030
01:10:56,656 --> 01:10:58,476
If they're open and they eat everything.

1031
01:10:59,116 --> 01:11:01,376
As far as she's ready to eat, that's the only thing.

1032
01:11:02,116 --> 01:11:06,276
But she'll eat anything you put before her as far as she's ready to eat.

1033
01:11:07,576 --> 01:11:12,216
So once again, thank you all for coming on the show. Appreciate you all for giving me your time.

1034
01:11:13,116 --> 01:11:17,496
Final thing to wrap up, final question. What would you like to leave mothers

1035
01:11:17,496 --> 01:11:26,656
out there, Be it future moms, moms with young kids, those who already have all the kids.

1036
01:11:26,856 --> 01:11:29,036
Yeah, any message to the moms out there?

1037
01:11:29,856 --> 01:11:34,816
I would say, like, really trust yourself first above anything.

1038
01:11:35,996 --> 01:11:38,876
You develop a relationship with your child. Your child is special.

1039
01:11:39,076 --> 01:11:41,976
Nobody knows your child as well as you do.

1040
01:11:41,976 --> 01:11:49,216
So over advice from psychologists or friends or family, parents,

1041
01:11:49,356 --> 01:11:55,796
teachers, all these people, people shouting advice at you in the street. Trust yourself.

1042
01:11:57,396 --> 01:12:02,176
I think I agree with that. And I think also have fun doing what you do.

1043
01:12:02,336 --> 01:12:04,596
Have fun with your kid. Enjoy them.

1044
01:12:04,816 --> 01:12:09,156
Have fun with them. And even when they become teenagers, boys especially do

1045
01:12:09,156 --> 01:12:12,556
this, but I'm sure girls as well. while, they push away, they want to be left

1046
01:12:12,556 --> 01:12:15,696
alone, they want to go in their room, they don't want anyone in their room,

1047
01:12:15,796 --> 01:12:17,676
just go and sit on the edge of their bed.

1048
01:12:18,384 --> 01:12:20,724
And they'll be like, why are you here? When are you going to leave?

1049
01:12:20,804 --> 01:12:21,884
Can you leave my room now?

1050
01:12:22,424 --> 01:12:26,184
And eventually it'll stop from like them trying to get you out of their room

1051
01:12:26,184 --> 01:12:30,904
to them actually talking to you and telling you, well, my friend's like this

1052
01:12:30,904 --> 01:12:34,584
and we did that and this is what's happening in school right now and this is

1053
01:12:34,584 --> 01:12:36,704
the next party we want to go to.

1054
01:12:36,804 --> 01:12:41,164
Like they'll start talking to you, you know. So definitely insert yourself into

1055
01:12:41,164 --> 01:12:43,044
their life and stay there.

1056
01:12:43,524 --> 01:12:46,804
And also remember their phases. phases that

1057
01:12:46,804 --> 01:12:49,724
do need you when you're a teenager and and and

1058
01:12:49,724 --> 01:12:52,404
put things into perspective sometimes a phase might

1059
01:12:52,404 --> 01:12:55,064
seem a little hard well it's going to change it's not going to

1060
01:12:55,064 --> 01:13:00,124
stay like that yeah and as out of touch as they think we are because they feel

1061
01:13:00,124 --> 01:13:03,804
as teenagers they're more connected to the world they understand what's happening

1062
01:13:03,804 --> 01:13:08,504
you know in contemporary you know society and the way things are have changed

1063
01:13:08,504 --> 01:13:12,924
and progressed and we're more out of touch you know and so they they They look

1064
01:13:12,924 --> 01:13:14,704
at us like we don't know what we're talking about,

1065
01:13:14,884 --> 01:13:17,744
but they haven't lived yet.

1066
01:13:18,104 --> 01:13:22,224
So they don't know where they're headed, you know, and they do need us to sort

1067
01:13:22,224 --> 01:13:24,984
of shine the light and guide their path.

1068
01:13:25,384 --> 01:13:26,924
Yeah, definitely.

1069
01:13:27,844 --> 01:13:34,324
And, you know, just even as a young mother, you know, I'd say to mothers out

1070
01:13:34,324 --> 01:13:37,464
there, whether, you know, young mother, you know, experienced mother,

1071
01:13:37,724 --> 01:13:41,624
you know, like similar to what you said, you know, follow your instincts.

1072
01:13:41,624 --> 01:13:47,744
You know, people may form their own opinions about you, but you know who you

1073
01:13:47,744 --> 01:13:52,084
are and your children and you do know what's best for them.

1074
01:13:52,084 --> 01:13:58,724
So whether it's advocating for them, teaching them how to talk to the teachers themselves,

1075
01:13:59,064 --> 01:14:04,844
or whether it's, you know, teaching them to, you know, tell grandma,

1076
01:14:04,884 --> 01:14:06,744
I really appreciate this,

1077
01:14:06,884 --> 01:14:13,264
but I'd prefer not to, you know, that it's okay to, you know,

1078
01:14:13,264 --> 01:14:16,284
set those boundaries for your children, but then also for yourself.

1079
01:14:16,284 --> 01:14:23,524
You know, so that you can also take some time for yourself and be happy and

1080
01:14:23,524 --> 01:14:27,644
rejuvenate yourself so that you can be there for your children.

1081
01:14:27,784 --> 01:14:34,984
So there's so many, so many things, you know, as a parent, as a disciplinarian,

1082
01:14:35,004 --> 01:14:37,484
as the, you know, health care provider. writer.

1083
01:14:37,524 --> 01:14:41,744
But yeah, there's no perfect book for this.

1084
01:14:41,824 --> 01:14:46,244
There's no roadmap, you know, so you kind of just go with the flow and,

1085
01:14:46,244 --> 01:14:47,304
you know, trust your instincts.

1086
01:14:48,767 --> 01:14:51,747
I feel like I'm awfully underqualified to give advice to anyone.

1087
01:14:54,767 --> 01:14:59,147
She's fine. Yeah, yeah. She's great. She's healthy. She's happy.

1088
01:14:59,207 --> 01:15:02,627
She's brilliant when you sit and talk to her. So you guys are definitely doing things right.

1089
01:15:02,847 --> 01:15:06,087
Yes. Trust yourself. Thank you. Yeah, maybe the test. Yeah.

1090
01:15:07,767 --> 01:15:11,027
Trusting yourself, but also letting the child be the child, I guess.

1091
01:15:11,987 --> 01:15:16,227
Because they know a lot about like at a very early age earlier than i would

1092
01:15:16,227 --> 01:15:21,247
have ever expected they know who they are in the moment like they may not know

1093
01:15:21,247 --> 01:15:23,307
who they were going to become they don't know,

1094
01:15:24,087 --> 01:15:26,887
necessarily you know or changes from day to day what they want and what they don't want,

1095
01:15:27,627 --> 01:15:34,207
but they do know themselves in the moment and also you'll always get something

1096
01:15:34,207 --> 01:15:38,287
wrong and it's okay as an adult to apologize to a child if you get it wrong

1097
01:15:38,287 --> 01:15:42,587
yes yes yes because that's that two-way path to respect.

1098
01:15:44,747 --> 01:15:49,587
Yeah, I also think that, like, if I look back, some regrets I have is,

1099
01:15:49,607 --> 01:15:55,247
like, you really sometimes have to advocate for your children in school.

1100
01:15:55,387 --> 01:16:00,047
Like, schools, they deal with a lot of children that just want things to be,

1101
01:16:00,107 --> 01:16:01,987
like, leveled and normal and things.

1102
01:16:02,127 --> 01:16:07,987
But sometimes you really have to go and say, you know, things have to be different

1103
01:16:07,987 --> 01:16:10,287
for my child or we have to find some solution.

1104
01:16:10,747 --> 01:16:19,107
And they tend to prefer parents to keep out of things, just to deal with things,

1105
01:16:19,247 --> 01:16:22,867
but sometimes you really have to go in there, and that's happened to us.

1106
01:16:22,987 --> 01:16:26,587
And I wish I had done it even more, because you arrive and you think,

1107
01:16:26,647 --> 01:16:29,147
oh, there I am, like the problem mom, right?

1108
01:16:29,207 --> 01:16:32,627
But no, it's not like that. Sometimes your child, there's some things happening

1109
01:16:32,627 --> 01:16:37,527
in school, and you really need the school to address that problem. Yeah.

1110
01:16:38,829 --> 01:16:44,869
I mean, I've even switched my daughter's school because it was such a rigid

1111
01:16:44,869 --> 01:16:50,369
learning environment and her personality, you know, was more creative.

1112
01:16:50,749 --> 01:16:55,569
And I was afraid that she would not respond well to education.

1113
01:16:55,849 --> 01:16:58,389
I'm like, oh my gosh, she's going to hate school. She's going to shut down.

1114
01:16:58,489 --> 01:16:59,869
She's going to feel so bad about herself.

1115
01:17:00,009 --> 01:17:04,369
I'm like, we need a more positive learning environment. So it was a very,

1116
01:17:04,509 --> 01:17:07,409
you know, one of the exam schools in Boston, very, you know,

1117
01:17:07,409 --> 01:17:09,409
prestigious, one of those nice big schools.

1118
01:17:09,549 --> 01:17:12,829
And I was like, we're going to go to this other charter school over here because

1119
01:17:12,829 --> 01:17:17,969
they had, they understood her more and she could blossom there.

1120
01:17:18,529 --> 01:17:25,089
And it was a very hard decision because, you know, you feel like you want to do the right thing.

1121
01:17:25,129 --> 01:17:28,029
And everyone's like, you're taking her from like the best. and

1122
01:17:28,029 --> 01:17:31,029
but again yeah give yourself grace

1123
01:17:31,029 --> 01:17:33,669
and mercy and trust yourself i had to do

1124
01:17:33,669 --> 01:17:36,549
that in kenya too they started at the wrong school

1125
01:17:36,549 --> 01:17:39,429
just because i got a job there and

1126
01:17:39,429 --> 01:17:43,489
i thought it would be great for my family but it was very loosey-goosey

1127
01:17:43,489 --> 01:17:46,429
undisciplined do whatever you want the kids would walk around with no shoes on

1128
01:17:46,429 --> 01:17:49,389
kind of situation international school you

1129
01:17:49,389 --> 01:17:52,109
know and very coveted and

1130
01:17:52,109 --> 01:17:55,309
very you know feeder school for this other expensive international school all

1131
01:17:55,309 --> 01:17:58,329
of of that stuff but it just it wasn't for us and they needed they needed

1132
01:17:58,329 --> 01:18:01,149
discipline they needed routine they needed to know

1133
01:18:01,149 --> 01:18:03,829
where to be and what to do in that classroom at that time of

1134
01:18:03,829 --> 01:18:07,609
the day you know and this school was not providing that and i knew they'd be

1135
01:18:07,609 --> 01:18:13,429
a mess so yeah yeah it's hard to change but you did the right thing listen to

1136
01:18:13,429 --> 01:18:22,509
yourself not everyone all right and with that being said yeah i appreciate each and every one of you,

1137
01:18:23,210 --> 01:18:27,990
And everyone listening, I hope you got something great from this episode like I did.

1138
01:18:28,530 --> 01:18:33,750
And yeah, keep the love coming in. Go check out Mimi's podcast, Improper Mimi.

1139
01:18:35,010 --> 01:18:39,510
And yeah, if you are a priest, let them know where to get your music at again.

1140
01:18:39,910 --> 01:18:41,410
SoundCloud, yeah. Safi.

1141
01:18:42,110 --> 01:18:47,190
Safi, check out Safi. S-A-F-I on SoundCloud. Yep. I do play her music a lot

1142
01:18:47,190 --> 01:18:48,850
when I'm playing soccer with the dads.

1143
01:18:49,110 --> 01:18:52,750
If you don't know, I organize dad soccer for Paxlo parents.

1144
01:18:53,650 --> 01:18:57,950
Every Friday. So if you're in Park Slope, reach out to me. You want to come kick it with us.

1145
01:18:58,710 --> 01:19:01,030
So yeah, it's not, no, if you're trying to make the Olympics,

1146
01:19:01,110 --> 01:19:02,630
don't come. We don't do that.

1147
01:19:04,230 --> 01:19:07,210
It's not for those type. It's for the types who are retired.

1148
01:19:08,130 --> 01:19:09,610
It's for the dad bods. Yeah.

1149
01:19:10,470 --> 01:19:13,870
The ones who want to keep their knees. Yeah. Yeah. We're trying to make,

1150
01:19:13,890 --> 01:19:16,710
if you want to keep your knee up to when you're at 100, you can, yeah.

1151
01:19:16,990 --> 01:19:19,850
If you're not trying to wear robot knees, then yeah, you can come.

1152
01:19:20,650 --> 01:19:24,950
So yeah, it's all about fun, Have a good time. And Arabella,

1153
01:19:25,010 --> 01:19:26,130
do you have anything coming up?

1154
01:19:26,590 --> 01:19:32,090
We do have an opening this Wednesday, and it's prints from our artists.

1155
01:19:32,850 --> 01:19:40,310
And there will be a raffle where the winners will be able to host a print from

1156
01:19:40,310 --> 01:19:42,770
our artists in their home for several months.

1157
01:19:43,070 --> 01:19:47,030
And that's at Galerie Particulier 281 Maple.

1158
01:19:47,210 --> 01:19:52,550
It's Wednesday, May 1st, 6 till 8 p.m. And it's free. Oh, awesome.

1159
01:19:53,130 --> 01:19:58,990
Disclaimer this episode will be out on Mother's Day week okay just putting that

1160
01:19:58,990 --> 01:20:02,130
out to the audience right bless you.

1161
01:20:03,450 --> 01:20:09,010
I was about to ask if you had anything to put out to the audience oh well you

1162
01:20:09,010 --> 01:20:14,310
sneezed but so good well we'll have we'll have the raffle the actual raffle

1163
01:20:14,310 --> 01:20:19,590
will be on June 4th and that will be a storytelling evening okay I hope to be

1164
01:20:19,590 --> 01:20:21,910
there if I'm in town hopefully I'll be there,

1165
01:20:22,409 --> 01:20:25,269
All right. And now I'll share with you all too, in case you all want to come.

1166
01:20:25,789 --> 01:20:28,889
All right. Mimi, did you share where people can find your podcast?

1167
01:20:29,609 --> 01:20:34,089
You can find me at M Proper Mimi. That's M Proper with an M.

1168
01:20:34,289 --> 01:20:41,029
And that's M Proper Mimi dot com. And all the social handles are M Proper Mimi.

1169
01:20:41,509 --> 01:20:44,829
Everywhere you go. All right. Rafael, thank you for having us and for giving

1170
01:20:44,829 --> 01:20:49,069
us a platform today. Hey, my pleasure. I love talking to awesome people.

1171
01:20:49,489 --> 01:20:53,429
And Verena has been all shy and humble. She's a HR specialist,

1172
01:20:53,889 --> 01:20:55,569
HR guru right there, you know?

1173
01:20:55,629 --> 01:21:00,789
So yeah, she, she's been all humble, but I won't say, I can't say the company

1174
01:21:00,789 --> 01:21:02,729
she works for, but she's the HR guru.

1175
01:21:02,969 --> 01:21:05,469
That's all I'm allowed to say so that I can make it home.

1176
01:21:05,809 --> 01:21:08,689
All right. Thank you all for listening. Keep the love coming in.

1177
01:21:08,749 --> 01:21:10,629
If you've got something to tell us, please do.

1178
01:21:10,889 --> 01:21:13,909
We love your feedback. Keep the support coming in. We need patrons.

1179
01:21:14,149 --> 01:21:16,649
So sign up for patron for as low as $3.

1180
01:21:17,289 --> 01:21:21,429
Get your friends who got $20 or 50 to spare to sign on so that yeah,

1181
01:21:21,489 --> 01:21:25,209
we can bring more stuff we're talking about fallout we'll be talking about uh

1182
01:21:25,209 --> 01:21:30,149
other shows that have come out yeah x-men and i'll be on patreon and yeah got

1183
01:21:30,149 --> 01:21:34,629
many more awesome stuff and that's start getting ready we'll get you guys soon

1184
01:21:34,629 --> 01:21:38,609
for father's day all right thank you for the privilege of your company.

1185
01:21:41,189 --> 01:21:46,609
Thanks for listening to white label american if you enjoyed the show will appreciate

1186
01:21:46,609 --> 01:21:53,909
if you rate, review, and subscribe to the podcast wherever you get your podcasts from.

1187
01:21:54,189 --> 01:22:00,289
If you have any questions, comments, or have someone who will be a good guest

1188
01:22:00,289 --> 01:22:08,789
on the show, or you want to be on the show, send us a message at whitelabelamerican at gmail.com.

1189
01:22:09,749 --> 01:22:12,789
And make sure to follow us on Facebook and Instagram.

1190
01:22:13,360 --> 01:22:30,293
Music.