Embracing Authenticity and Individuality

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Welcome to the Women's Mental Health Podcast, where Randi and Jess are two licensed psychotherapists and we talk about women's mental health, their well being and strategies for coping with all of life's challenges.

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And all of this is normal, and we need to normalize it.

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Today's episode is an exploration into the powerful concepts of authenticity and individuality.

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This episode aims to explore the concepts of authenticity and individuality, their impact on women's mental health and provide insights into strategies for

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coping. Embracing one's true self, setting boundaries and seeking supportive communities are crucial steps on the path to mental well-being. So you can find us and more resources about that on womensmentalhealthpodcast.com. Have you ever

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had these thoughts?

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What does it mean to embrace authenticity and individuality as a woman?

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How can embracing authenticity and individuality empower women in their mental health journey?

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What are some practical ways to embrace authenticity as a woman? How

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Can embracing individuality positively impact relationships with others?

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Can embracing authenticity be challenging in a society that really emphasizes conformity?

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trying to say authenticity as several times can really channel challenges

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emphasizes emphasizes

Jess: 1:42

Okay, how can embracing authenticity and individuality influence our overall well-being? Oh, this is going to be a hard one today

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Can embracing authenticity help break the stigma surrounding mental health for women? Oh, that's a good one right there. Yeah, I'm just going, hell yes.

Jess: 2:04

Yes. Okay. Are there any risks or downsides to embracing either one?

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of those? How can we support and empower other women to find their authenticity and embrace their individuality?

Jess: 2:17

Like, how can we find ourselves and support others in finding who they are? Right. It's like this thing we do, like I work with younger women, and I'm like, man, you're going to spend your twenties and your. 30s trying to figure out who you are, and then in your 40s you're going to be like, yes, I know who I am. And you go into your 50s, and you don't give a fuck, right? Because you're like me, I found myself. This is me

Randi: 2:38

rolling with it. A woman in our community had said that she was reading a book called Something Like We Are Wearing Tunics Now or Something, and it's about being older and embracing your authenticity. And not caring and wearing what you want and saying what you want and doing. And it was funny' because when I was younger, my mom was in this group called the Red Hat Society or something. Yeah. And it was like women over 50, and they would just get together because they're older and go out and have fun and wear crazy boas and red hats and stuff. And it, yeah. I thought it was so funny, and they just loved it so much. And I think it's just like when you come to know who you are, you allow yourself to be vulnerable, you allow yourself to be your authentic self, and you believe in yourself. It's just such an amazing thing. And I would never want to go back to being in my 20s and 30s because, in my 40s, I feel so much more secure in who I am and so much more authentic.

Jess: 3:40

right? And it's about not comparing yourself to others. The other thing is that when you find out who you are, you don't care what other people think. And that's the thing that's rolling into your forties and fifties. You're like, I don't care what they think. And that's great. So when we can embrace and find what our authentic selves are, it is so important. It's important. Mm hmm. Trying to be true to ourselves, living in the moment, and aligning with what our values are, not what our neighbor's values are,. And

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embracing who you really are. Like unique characters, quirks, things you love about yourself, and things you don't love about yourself, but still embrace them. And that is all part of the journey to being mentally secure. Yeah. And feeling good about yourself. Yeah, there's

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So many women, they like, grapple with these expectations and comparisons and this pressure to conform. We all must wear the same thing. We all must do it, and it's

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right. Lululemon leggings and the Stanley Cup.

Jess: 4:48

You don't have to. No, you don't have to. And it's interesting because, growing up, I'm a generation above Randy. I was talking to somebody the other day who's my generation who made a lot of comparisons, and I was like, Oh, you're about my age. Do you remember having to wear things like the guest jeans and the esprit? And she's Oh, yes. And the esprit. Yes. And having to have everything that everybody else had. Our generation has made so many comparisons. Whereas my kid, she doesn't

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care. They don't give a whoop.

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They do not care. What their friends are wearing

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to watch I just, I'm just like, I used to get up hours early in the morning to do my hair, do my makeup and dress a certain way. And it's my daughter who just rolls out of bed and goes. I'm like, Are you okay, girl? Did you at least brush your teeth? I was like something. But when we feel the need to fulfill these expectations, compare ourselves or conform, it causes it. Mental health conditions like anxiety, depression, body image issues, eating disorders, and identity struggles because we have our own desires and our own wants, and then we have all this other, these other oppressive thoughts weighing down on us, or whether it's your mom said something, or your dad said something, or your sister, or your aunt, or your friend, and then you're thinking all these other things, and all these other words are in your head, and then you're like, but I really like this color. I really like the way I looked and this, and they're like, now and then you're like, what? It's this constant push and pull inside your head. And

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Really, it isn't. It's that whole lot of people; oh, I can't talk; let me start over. Mm-Hmm. A lot of people are trying to be perfect. And we keep talking about this.

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There's no such thing. Look up that episode where we talked about perfectionism. There is no

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perfect. And so we're trying to be stuff that we're not, or we're trying to fit into social. Yeah. Mold. Yeah. And we don't need to drive the car they have, and we don't need to wear the clothes they have. No. And I think that's one of the things I love about what Randy does for her business is that you show women. I have some, okay, I got some Walmart shirts that I love and I would have never.

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People don't believe they're from Walmart, and I show women that you can. Buy things that are less expensive, and it's not the clothes. It's you, how you wear them And how people perceive you When I meet people, they tell me, Oh, I bet you bought this here here, and I'm like, watch this 10 Walmart like 20 Amazon like they're like what and oh, I didn't know And yet, that's also why I'm being my authentic self. I'm allowing myself to be vulnerable and telling people that I'm not trying to put off a certain image. I'm owning it You know that I love my dupes or my Walmart or my Target or whatever, and I look cute wearing them, but that's because I feel secure. I'm being authentic. I'm being myself. Yeah. And I'm celebrating myself. And I think it's awesome that you can save money and still look cute and buy pieces or mix them with some pieces that are more expensive and less expensive and things like that, because that's what I love to do.

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And it's funny because I was at one of the stores, and somebody, one of our mutual friends, ran into me. She was like, Oh, I like that shirt. And she goes, Hey, wait, that's that one that Randy had. It's yep; I had to have it. And I would have bought more, but they're already out because everybody bought this shirt. And she was like, Oh, I like that. I was like, I know, I can't follow you. I can't follow Randy. Cause man, cause

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I keep shopping and influencing people. She does. But your worth is not defined by external expectations. Your worth is not defined by wearing a pair of Lululemon leggings or UGG slippers or holding a Stanley Cup. Yeah, that stuff is fun and cute or whatever. And if that brings you joy, fine. But if it stresses you out, listen, girl, I can tell you a million different places where you can buy the same fabric for the Lululemon leggings that are going to cost 20 instead of 100. I don't care. I think I'm wearing them, actually. Yeah, I don't care what other people think about whether I have a logo on me or not. Right there. I don't care.

Jess: 9:15

I don't care what others think. That is when you start being unique, and you start being authentic with who you are and what you want. And if you want to wear the Lululemon and you want to have the Stanley Cup, and you don't care because it's what you want, not what everybody else has, then that's fantastic. That is being authentic. authentic, and that is really recognizing who you are, like what your values and interests are and what brings you joy, right? And that is so important that we really look at who we

Randi: 9:51

are. Yeah. It's really important to realize that when you are on this journey of self-acceptance, self compassion and being authentic with yourself, you understand that it's an ongoing process. Oh,

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yeah, you don't just reach it and you're like,

Randi: 10:08

I'm here. You can start by understanding your values. What's important to you? What's intrinsic to you? What interests you? What brings you joy? What brings you accomplishment? What makes you feel successful? Write these things down. I recently did this with finance and my business. I wrote down the values that were important to me and how they played out. In where I invest my money or where, what I put into my business, even time and what time you put it right, and what drives me, they were things like security and our family, like legacy, like things like that. So it was like I was asking myself a series of questions, and I kept giving the same certain questions. Answers, and I found I pulled out what my values were from that because I kept leading back to these things that were important to me. And allowing that to lead me, like giving to others, is very important to me, as is helping others, and that was something too. And that's very intrinsic to who I am. And so that brings me joy and compassion. And I allow that to lead me in my personal life and my business life. And I feel like that brings success.

Jess: 11:21

That's interesting. I recently went through and did very similar things with mine as well. And I restructured how I was doing the hours I was doing and really what it was I wanted to do.

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Yeah. So you don't burn out. So I

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Don't burn out. Yeah. And then I thought, because people were like, Well, can you custom make my other one? Can you custom-make your boards? Can you customize? And I was like, Oh, I could do this, but that's not what I want.

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Yeah. I want to make my own art. So you can buy my art.

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Yeah. I want to see what I come up with. I don't want to try to plan it. I don't want to do that. I want to be able to; this is what I have, this is what I have to sell and this is where I'm at right

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now. And that's the thing too. I have never fit into a typical social media influencer profile. I was not skinny when I started. I was overweight. I do not have blonde hair; I have brown, curly hair. I wear glasses half the time. And I, which are very cute; by the way, I was looking at those going; those are really cute. Yeah, these are my new ones. But I was like, talking about Walmart and dupes, and my friends were like, Oh my god, but then people were like, Oh my god, yes, because I was like, I don't care, and then people started asking me, Where'd you get this? I allowed myself to open up and embrace those things about me that made me me. But also, like Jess was talking about, she set boundaries and valued her time. And she wants to make art. And this is a creative outlet for her. It's not, you know. I'm not trying to pay a mortgage. She's not creating a revenue stream with it. She's doing it for art and for her own needs, creating something beautiful and setting boundaries. And

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I'm being authentic with who I am because, all of a sudden, I can; it was easy going. Oh, I could go do this and this and this. And I'm like, no, no, no, I don't want to do all of that. This is why I do it. And I don't want to stress myself out doing something that isn't authentic.

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me. And when you understand that you. are worth so much more,. And your authenticity matters. That's like your superpower, and you can harness it. And that makes you stand out. And when you stand out like that, it brings so much more into your life. It opens so many doors for you. And it brings a richness and a layer to your life that you didn't have before.

Jess: 13:39

We were somewhere a couple of months ago at one of our events. And one of the women was wearing a shirt. And I was like, That is really cool. That's a cool shirt. It's a little brave to be wearing it. She just said this is just going to get me the people who know who I am. I

Randi: 13:55

I was sitting there when that happened. I was like, I love your shirt because we live in an area where you should conform. And if you don't, people have a lot to say about it. And so when you find people who don't conform, Jess and I are not conformists. We like to break rules and molds. But then it allows you to find your people. Yeah.

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And she was like, well, I figured they're either going to like me or become friends. Or we're not going to get along, and that's okay. I'm just keeping

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them out. And that's a boundary too. I feel like, Hey, this is what I'm about. And I used to not say, This is what I'm about. Because I wanted to, I felt like I wanted to include everybody. And I wanted to love everybody. But that wasn't. Loving myself like I'm not obnoxious and my beliefs are what I think I'm very middle of the road But once I started saying, Hey, this is me and this is what I believe in,. Well, it brought Justin into my life. Mm, hmm, it'll clear it out a lot of other people Yeah I cleared out a lot of dead weight, baggage and people that were toxic in my life and then I opened up the door for people who were also afraid and Started messaging me and saying, hey, I didn't realize Or I'm so afraid to say something like this. And I was like, No, girl, don't be afraid. You're not in the minority. I feel like a lot of times with women, we feel like we're the minority in different situations. And if we're not vulnerable and we're not our authentic selves, we don't allow ourselves to be supported.

Jess: 15:29

Yeah, and that's part of what this is; you're right, it opens it up. So, Randi, let's just go back. You said embrace. What does it mean to embrace authenticity and individuality as a woman? What does it mean?

Randi: 15:40

So it means being true to yourself, embracing your uniqueness and your qualities, and living in your truth, aligning what you do with your values and beliefs. And so it's being secure in who you are. And it involves sometimes breaking free from society's pressures and understanding your needs. That's big, right? Yeah, you need what you need. As a person, physically, mentally, and emotionally, like what fills your soul cup, give yourselves permission to be yourself without guilt. And

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do it before you hit

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50, please. Yeah, I would have loved this if I was this way in my 20s. 30s? Oh my god, 25? I would have been like, Oh. It would have changed. in my 30s, even 34, like it would have changed my whole life trajectory if I had believed in myself more. And like, really? Love and self-compassion. It needs to come. You need to love yourself first. You need to love who you are before you can have those deep friendships and those deep relationships. That's a whole other

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podcast. We need to probably just do that one. How to love yourself. That's a good one. Yeah. So I'll ask another one. Okay. What are some practical ways that you can embrace authenticity and individuality as a woman?

Randi: 17:02

Definitely self-reflection, like I was talking about how I like to write down things like my values and beliefs. Exploring things that interest you and your passions—what really does make you happy, what brings you joy, what brings you contentment—for me, that might just be like playing board games with my kids, or it might be creating an art piece, or it might be painting, like, you know, reading a book or volunteering at the library. And definitely setting boundaries. Oh, I love boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. Go to our website, put in boundaries, and it'll pull up all our episodes on boundaries. Definitely practice self-compassion; learn to talk to yourself and be kind to yourself. And definitely surround yourselves with supportive and like-minded individuals—yes, women—who are going to cheer you on You know your partner, who wants the best for you

Jess: 18:00

like and by like-minded, we don't mean you have to think the exact same I have a really good friend, and we have very different political and religious beliefs, but she is such a dear friend, and her children are so welcome in my house, and she would. She has helped drive my child to school before. And so we're such good friends, even though we have different beliefs, but we're like-minded and kind people. And so we just don't bring up those other things. The basis

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of who you are. Yes. At your soul level. And really, I feel like when you challenge what society wants—anything that limits who you feel like makes you you—you need to get rid of that. Chuck it. You Yeah. Chuck it. Work towards getting that out of your life, surrounding yourself with love and support, and being secure in who you are. So, just how do we really embrace authenticity? And how it impacts our relationships with others.

Jess: 19:05

When we're able to do that, it really just helps us foster a deeper connection with others based on trust, honesty and mutual understanding. Like I was saying with my friend, we can be our true selves. We attract people who appreciate and accept us for who we are. That one's huge, right?

Randi: 19:25

there. It's so huge. I feel like they always say that you are what you eat. Well, I say that with my, with, with, with my friends, but anyways, you are who you surround yourself with. Mhm. And so when you bring in people who are loving and supportive and like think the best of you, you're going to be elevated to your higher

Jess: 19:46

self. And if you're being who you are, like right now, I have so many women in my life who are ADHD. And, and they're, and because, and they've even said, I've never had so many adult friends, women friends who are ADHD. It is so crazy. And I'm like, you talk, we talk about

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it. Yeah. And our vulnerability with it, too, like, even though we're therapists, we struggle with this, and it allows people to see a depth and to have understanding and compassion, as well as understanding and compassion for themselves.

Jess: 20:16

and they can be who they are. They're not feeling bad because they're late. Today, my husband was like, I thought Randy was coming. I'm like, yeah, she's on Randy time. Yeah.

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Yeah. I knew that she knew I would be late. Yeah. I wasn't worried about it.

Jess: 20:27

but it just has acceptance. And so what's actually really great is that you're able to let these people in. So Randy. How can embracing authenticity and individuality influence our overall well-being?

Randi: 20:41

Well, when we really embrace ourselves and our true authenticity, we are increasing our self-worth and our self-acceptance; we're improving our self-esteem; it reduces stress; and it really creates a sense of purpose and fulfillment. When you know who you are deep down in your bones, you just feel content. And so when we allow ourselves to be Lili, when we allow ourselves to live aligned with our values and our desires, we have an overall deeper happiness and healthier mental wellness. Hmm. And so, just when we work on our authenticity,. Does this help break the stigma surrounding mental health for women?

Jess: 21:34

Yes. I know exactly by openly talking about our mental health journeys, sharing our stories and being truly authentic with who we are. It helps support others in their struggles, which is why, you know, you and I are doing this podcast. We really want to normalize these conversations around mental health and create a more compassionate and accepting society. We want other women to know that they're not alone. We want others to be able to share their story too, because it's.

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It creates a safer place and a safer society.

Jess: 22:16

And we've been hidden for too long—not talking about this, not sharing our dirty

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laundry. I mean, women have only had rights for, I don't even know.

Jess: 22:26

What was it, 72 is when we could finally get our own credit card without our

Randi: 22:30

dads? Yeah, not even like Like, you know, a hundred years or whatever I can't do math, girl math. Anyway, but yeah, we have come a long way in a short amount of time, and don't allow yourself to be silenced.

Jess: 22:43

Be who you are. Okay, how are we going to find the balance between authentic and fake? I can't fucking do that one.

Randi: 22:52

So just how can we support and empower other women who want to go on this journey to find themselves and their own authenticity?

Jess: 23:01

Like you've been saying, by creating these safe places and safe spaces for women to open up their conversations, they actively listen to others without judgment, which is a huge part. Yeah. Listen, listen. Sharing your own experiences, offering encouragement, and validating them. Those are huge, you know, and celebrate everybody's unique journey. That's what's really cool. If we do that and can build a community that empowers and uplifts one another, that is going to help others. We and others find this self-acceptance and this greater mental well-being that we're all looking for. Everybody is looking for happiness and contentment and to fit in as who they are, not as what they think they should be.

Randi: 23:53

And that's huge. Not what you think you should be, but who you really are and stepping into that. And there's been some research lately that shows that before, the number one emotion was love. But the number one emotion right now that people are wanting and needing is authenticity over love. People want true Deep connection with themselves and with others and then that can open up doors to things that you want Like love and friendship and things like that. Yeah, just being accepted

Jess: 24:26

for who you are, your quirks and what you know about your desires, whatever they are, and finding people who are totally cool with them. They're like, sure, that works.

Randi: 24:35

right? Because that's you. Yeah, that's you and that's it Yeah, that's your superpower. That is a superpower. And when you embrace your authenticity on this personal journey, even if you need support or professional help, it's okay to have that. It's okay to have somebody in your corner and surround yourself with that positive community. Someone who's going to provide encouragement and give you the strength to embrace your true self and prioritize your mental health and well-being. Mm hmm.

Jess: 25:08

So that's a wrap for today. We hope this episode encourages you to embrace your true authenticity, and we want you to celebrate your individuality on this journey toward your mental health and well-being.

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Remember, your unique self is your strength.