Reclaiming a Happier You
Are you consistently the one keeping track of everyone's birthdays, planning family get-togethers, and ensuring everyone stays connected? If this resonates, you likely serve as the ‘kin keeper' within your family. Welcome back, ladies, to the second part of our exploration of kinkeeping, a role that can be satisfying yet oftentimes lacks acknowledgement and can potentially lead to exhaustion. In episode 27, we discussed the ways in which kin-keeping duties impact our mental and physical health.
Kin Keeping De-Constructed
Kin-keeping means fostering and reinforcing family connections and traditions. This role seeps into various aspects of life, often subtly. Let's dive deeper to understand kinship and discern its effects on your overall well-being.
Recognizing the Pervasiveness of Kin Keeping:
Outdated societal customs predominantly assign this role to women, effectively pushing this responsibility from mother to daughter, often without conscious recognition. As a result, you might ask, “Why am I handling everything? When will I get a break?“
Kin-keeping is a traditional practice. But what if managing familial relations does not rest solely on your shoulders?
Recognizing, Preventing, and Balancing Kin Keeping:
In episode 27, we highlighted situations where you might unintentionally hinder your partners from stepping up and providing assistance. We've compiled strategies to help identify these situations and establish boundaries to mitigate the stress of overload.
Kin-Keeping Inspirations and Insights:
Embarking on the journey to understand and manage kinkeeping can seem daunting, but rest assured, we are here to guide you! Two insightful voices in this space are Zawn Villines and Jennifer Siebel Newsom.
Zawn Villines, a renowned feminist, delivers powerful statements that challenge societal norms. A poignant quote I carry with me is, “Men can do better. They are not incompetent. They chose not to do better. And one of the reasons they are able to make that choice is because an entire society lets them off the hook.“
These words offer a critical perspective on the deep-rooted societal notion that men are inadequate in household or emotional duties, a concept we know to be untrue.
Jennifer Siebel Newsom's insightful piece, Fair Play, is worth your time. Fair Play illuminates the invisible workload, or “care load,” predominantly shouldered by women. It encourages us to recognize and mitigate this imbalance, triggering a shift towards equitable partnerships and healthier relationships. This book was a pivotal read for my family.
Fortifying Relationships:
Balance in kinship comes with a bonus: a flourishing relationship with your partner! Sharing kin-keeping responsibilities can invigorate your partnership and, believe it or not, spice up your romance! Voicing your needs is vital, and keep in mind that it's about more than candlelit dinners—it's about addressing emotional requirements.
Conclusion
Ladies, kinkeeping is an enormous endeavor, and it's time we gave it due recognition. It's perfectly okay to seek assistance and share responsibilities. Let's dismantle the myth that men cannot effectively contribute to this role. As we continue this journey, always remember that your well-being and happiness are paramount. Initiate the conversation, set your boundaries, and together, let's work towards more balanced and fulfilling lives.
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