Transcript
WEBVTT
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Welcome back to the Women's Mental Health Podcast.
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I'm Randi.
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And I'm Jess.
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And we're two licensed psychotherapists.
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This is a safe space where we talk about mental health, well being, and strategies for coping with all of life's challenges.
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And how all of this is normal, with the exception of what we're going to talk about today.
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Not normal.
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Well, it happens a lot, but it shouldn't be
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normal.
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It's very normal.
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It should not be a norm for us as women, and you are not alone in this.
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Right.
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Okay.
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So
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this is also a trigger warning for those.
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Uh, we are going to talk about a topic that is a little tough today.
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So we're going to talk about how to support those that have been sexually assaulted.
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So supporting sexual assault
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survivors.
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And understanding and addressing.
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Addressing the needs of sexual assault survivors is crucial for really fostering healing and resilience, especially in the community for women.
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Mm hmm.
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So find us and more resources on womensmentalhealthpodcast.
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com.
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I also want to note that if you or a loved one has been sexually assaulted, you can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline.
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It's confidential 24 seven, there's support there.
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It's 800.
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6, 5, 6.
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Hope
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so.
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Have you ever had these thoughts?
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How can I support a friend or a loved one who.
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What
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are some common reactions, of sexual assault, sexual assault survivors and how can I
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help?
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Is it okay to ask a survivor about their experience with sexual assault?
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Can sexual assault survivors experience long term mental health
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effects?
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What are some ways to create a safe and supportive environment for sexual assault survivors?
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How can I help a survivor feel empowered and reclaim their sense of
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control?
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What are some resources available to support sexual assault survivors?
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How can I advocate for systematic change?
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No, that's, is that it?
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Systemic.
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No, systemic.
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Hold on.
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How can I advocate for change to support sexual assault survivors?
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Are there specific considerations for supporting, an LGBTQ plus sexual assault survivor?
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Man, you just said that like, boom, boom.
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How can I take care of myself while supporting a sexual assault survivor?
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That's a big one right there.
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Especially if you have your own trauma, is one of the things
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that we're going to talk about.
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It's very common.
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Is it 9 women have experienced some type of sexual assault?
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Oh, it's worse.
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Every 68 seconds, another American is sexually assaulted.
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1 out of 6 American women have been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime.
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14.
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8 percent have been completed and 2.
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8 percent attempted.
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So in about 3 percent of American men, that's 1 in 33, have experienced also an attempt or completed rape in their lifetime.
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So this is not just women.
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This, overall, is men, women, children.
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Daughters, nieces, nephews being assaulted.
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And I know this is a heavy, heavy topic, but it's very important that us as women talk about this.
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We want to talk about it, not to normalize it so that way when it does happen to somebody, or if it does happen to somebody that they can get the help that they need, because this is just too much.
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And I was looking at this saying, they said inmates.
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80, 600 inmates were sexually assaulted or raped, and this is one year.
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This is one year time frame, and 60, 000 children in the last year were victimized with sexual abuse.
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Right, and there's a general public, 433, 000 people, 12 and older, were sexually assaulted or raped this last
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year.
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And something that we hold in high regard to, which is the military.
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Mm hmm.
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Over 18, 000 men and women have experienced unwanted sexual contact.
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I think it's really interesting how it breaks it down between assault, rape, sexual abuse, unwanted sexual contact.
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Mm hmm.
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Any of that Is sexual assault.
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Is sexual assault.
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Whether we're going to call it molestation, we're going to call it rape, we're going to call it anything like that.
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Attempted rape.
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Anything.
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It's all sexual assault.
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Sexual assault.
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They only use if it's completed or not completed, penetration, is usually when they consider it completed, which any of it is not okay.
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No.
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None of it.
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And meanwhile, only 25.
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Out of every 1, 000 perpetrators will end up in prison.
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So more often than not, the person who has molested, raped, touched, done anything to sexually assault someone is not in prison.
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This is bullshit.
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It is.
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This is such bullshit.
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It makes me want to cry.
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I know.
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This is such bullshit.
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Because it's very hard to be.
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in a vulnerable population, whether that is a child or a woman or LGBT.
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we are more prone in those communities to experience that.
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it is so common.
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It's sad.
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It is so common that we know so many people that something has happened to, and really any form of non consensual and non consensual means you didn't ask for it.
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You don't want
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it.
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you did not give enthusiastic consent.
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Yes, I fucking want this.
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That's an enthusiastic consent, clear communication that you want it.
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Non consensual is if you did not verbally say or you said no in any way, shape, or form, push somebody away, that is all non consensual.
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You did not consent to that person touching you, penetrating you, trying to, touch you in any way, shape, or form.
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And from a mental health perspective and a therapist perspective, sexual assault leads to a range of Mental health disorders and psychological effects, including post traumatic stress disorder, commonly known as PTSD, depression, anxiety disorder, substance abuse.
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As someone who worked in the substance, abuse field and the homeless and addiction field, seeing the rampant sexual assault that happened to my clients on a day to day basis, I It is
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heartbreaking.
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did you know that it wasn't until 1993 that marital rape actually became
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illegal?
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People think because you're married or in you're in a relationship with somebody, even boyfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend, boyfriend, boyfriend, this can happen all the time, that they have access to your body.
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That is 1000 percent not true.
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Nobody has access to your body.
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Nobody, nobody.
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You are the only person that has full control over your body.
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And if you do not want to have sex with your partner, you don't have to, you do not have to, if they have, try to push it.
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That is non consensual sexual activity and sexual assault.
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Mm hmm.
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And I think we don't want to think that about somebody that we could love and care about, but most sexual assault happens with somebody that we know.
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It's somebody that is close.
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I have a friend back from junior high.
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this is a case that has gone public.
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I'm not going to call her out, she was being assaulted by a coach for a long time.
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And I remember back then, and this is the thing I tell people, trust your gut.
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If your gut says something, there's something going on.
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Even back then, I was like, How come you know how to get into his boat?
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How do you know how to do all of this and I remember she at one point she said yeah Yeah, he you know, he put me on the pill and I was thinking why would he put you on birth control, right?
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Why wouldn't your parents and I wish I've told her this I wish I would have said something cuz that didn't seem
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right to me in a way She was probably crying for help, but didn't know how to yeah, and It's hard not to feel guilty, but you were also a young child.
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I was a kid.
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And didn't know and understand that either.
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So a lot of times we can have what is called survivors guilt.
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If like our child has been, molested or a friend has been raped or we're there at a bar, with somebody and then something happened.
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It's important to always be aware of your surroundings, but sometimes no matter all the things you think you can do, something bad just still happens.
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My favorite thing I've ever read, I've said this before, I believe in here, but my favorite thing I ever read was that there was a woman who said, I got drunk and I passed out on the train and I woke up way past my stop.
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She says, and I didn't get raped.
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Do you want to know why I didn't get raped?
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Because there wasn't a rapist on the train, right?
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It wasn't because she passed out.
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It wasn't because it was late at night.
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It was late at night.
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No, no, no.
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What she was wearing.
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No, it isn't.
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We shame
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people a lot of times like, oh, you were flirting or you were drinking or it doesn't matter.
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No, you were, she wasn't raped because there wasn't a rapist on the train.
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And that's, that is what happens is that, when people blame the victim of what did you do to get there?
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No, no, no, no.
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Why aren't we looking at the person saying she was raped because there was
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a rapist in the room?
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And a lot of times, too, the perpetrator has also been sexually assaulted and never been helped and their perpetrator has been sexually assaulted and never been helped.
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it spreads.
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And because we don't talk about this as a society.
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we don't bring it to the light enough, we need more awareness about this so we can see those things and we can teach our kids that, like you said, if you hear something that you think is off with a friend or yourself, or you feel wrong about something, tell somebody.
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Go
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check with somebody and be like, Hey, I heard this.
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Does this sound right?
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Right.
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I don't know if we would have known back then to do anything different.
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No, yeah, probably not.
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But I feel like this generation that we're raising right now would be like, that doesn't sound right.
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That
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doesn't, that sounds weird.
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Yeah, so we can empower our future generations to hold that space for others and themselves so they can use their voices to break.
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Mm hmm.
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this generational cyclical cycle of sexual assault.
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what are ways that we can support those who have been sexually Assaulted.
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What are some statements that we can say to make others know that we're a safe space for them to to come?
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If something like that has happened, the first
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one is, I believe, I believe those that have said they've been sexually assaulted.
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It's not my place to question them.
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Yeah, I believe if somebody you're not judge jury.
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No, it's not my job.
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If somebody says I've been sexually assaulted, I believe you.
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And that is right there.
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I believe you.
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what's
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another one?
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There is never any excuse for sexual assault.
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There's no excuse.
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Nobody deserves.
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Nope.
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Nobody
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deserves it.
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Nobody.
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Nobody deserves it.
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And that's another one.
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No one deserves it.
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deserves it.
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You didn't deserve this.
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She didn't deserve this.
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He didn't deserve it.
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Nobody deserves this.
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another one is I'm speaking up for people who are afraid.
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Yeah.
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And that's what we're doing right now is we're speaking up for people who are afraid.
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Another one, everyone deserves to feel safe.
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So holding that safe space for people, letting everybody know.
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Whether it's a child or an adult that they deserve to feel safe, whether that's in their own skin or their home or their school or their college, everyone deserves to feel safe.
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It's on us.
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No more excuses.
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We can do more teaching our younger kids.
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Oh, man.
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We had this friend of the family who taught her son to get permission he even said, May I give you a hug?
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He wanted consent to give a hug because he didn't want to impose because he's a man.
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Yeah,
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like a lot of, our generation was like, go give, grandpa a hug.
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Well, grandpa, I don't like him, he makes me feel weird, but just go give him a hug.
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our generation, I feel perpetuated rape culture.
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you don't like that feeling.
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You just suck it up.
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You just push it down.
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You let that person touch you.
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Instead of now, I'm like, I don't make my kids.
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Hug somebody, touch somebody, kiss somebody if they don't want to.
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Jess always comes over and she sees, my son and she goes, can I give you a hug?
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And he'll tell her yes, usually a hundred percent, but she asks him, can I come into your space?
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Is it okay?
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That's a way of creating a safe space and a way of letting our kids know that they have the autonomy to make choices about our body.
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Yeah.
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And if they say no, if he had said no, I'd say, cool.
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Okay,
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cool.
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High five or whatever.
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Check, check you later.
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Check you later.
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But
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yeah, he normally gives me
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a hug.
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So what is technically considered sexual assault?
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Let's go through this again because it's such a difficult question.
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It's a hard topic and I feel like a lot of us dissociate and blank out when we talk about it because it either brings up our own sexual assault or I've had friends who have been, it's, it's rampant.
