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Feel the Feels: Your No-BS Guide to Validating Emotion
Feel the Feels: Your No-BS Guide to Validating Emotion
Have your feelings ever been dismissed as “drama”? Ever wondered how to explain to someone that just because you understand their feelings,…
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Feb. 1, 2023

Feel the Feels: Your No-BS Guide to Validating Emotion

Have your feelings ever been dismissed as “drama”? Ever wondered how to explain to someone that just because you understand their feelings, doesn’t mean you agree? Put on your cozy socks and tune in. In this episode we're shedding light on the art and heart of validating emotions. LMSW, Randi Owsley, and LMFT, Jessica Bullwinkle, with a combined experience of over two decades, break down what it means to validate feelings in a relationship, in a text, and oh yes, even when you don’t agree.

We dive into real examples, the do's, the don'ts and how to tell if your feelings are getting the validation they deserve. This isn’t just a podcast episode - it’s like a therapy session with your two best friends that you won’t have to break the bank for!

Discover how nurturing both self-validation and the validation of others can profoundly impact your life – from deepening connections with your partner to fostering emotional well-being in your children. As you embark on this empowering journey, brave, real-life stories, and expert insights await to illuminate a variety of strategies on how to validate someone's feelings and how to validate a woman in a genuine, heartwarming manner.

Strengthen your relationship bonds by learning how to validate your partner and honor their emotions. Unravel the hidden power within as you master how to validate myself and how to validate yourself, awakening your resilience and emotional balance. Finally, explore vital resources that demonstrate how to validate a child's feelings, helping them navigate the complexities of life and cultivating healthier relationships in the process. Sharing practical examples of validating feelings - sharing honest, real-life stories that highlight the essence of empathy. Together, we'll explore what it really means to validate feelings, deconstructing myths and reinforcing the truth that every feeling holds valid importance. 

Delving into the dynamics of relationships, we'll shed light on how emotions can be validated in partnership interactions, making you more adept at navigating complex emotional landscapes. Plus, we'll equip you with the tools to ensure your feelings are validated, fostering a space for self-acceptance and positive emotional growth. You’re not on this journey alone. We’re here to support you, tell it as it is, and encourage that much-needed dialogue about mental health.

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Women's Mental Health Podcast, created by licensed psychotherapists Randi Owsley MSW and Jessica Bullwinkle LMFT, offers resources for those navigating mental health. This podcast or social media are not psychotherapy, a replacement for a therapeutic relationship, or substitute for mental health care. All thoughts expressed are for educational and entertainment purposes, no psychotherapeutic relationship exists by virtue of listening, commenting, or engaging. Our platform could contain affiliate links, which if used, might earn us a small commission at no extra cost to you.

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Transcript

Ep 25 How to Validate Feelings

[00:00:00] Randi: 1, 2, 3, 4. Hi friends. It's Randy and Jess, and we're gonna cut the 

[00:00:07] Jess: bullshit and let's get into women's mental health.

Welcome to the podcast unapologetically All over the place with Randy and Jess, where we talk about women's mental health issues and how it's all normal. 

[00:00:21] Randi: This episode is part of our now processing series that we'll be exploring throughout 2023. In 

[00:00:27] Jess: this episode, we're gonna touch on how to validate your feelings, yours and others as well.

Yeah. So it's 

[00:00:34] Randi: okay to feel that way, right? Or it's okay for you, whoever to feel that way. So what is. Validating feelings. Wait, wait, wait. We're gonna provide you guys with tips. Yeah, I was gonna 

[00:00:46] Jess: say, you're like, so I'm justing into it. 

[00:00:49] Randi: Let's feel our feelings. Let's get into it. Okay. So we're gonna give you guys tips on how to acknowledge your feelings.

And how to acknowledge other people's feelings or, you know, maybe have a little bit more empathy towards yourself and others. Exactly. 

[00:01:03] Jess: So basically we, we know this sounds simple. We do. You're like, I know how to have feelings. I know how to do that. But what I find is most people don't understand how to acknowledge their feelings or how to ask for acknowledgement of their feelings, which is called validation.

[00:01:20] Randi: Right. Or to acknowledge others in that way. Take their own emotion out of it. Oh, that's, 

[00:01:27] Jess: oh, that's a, Ooh, yeah. That's a whole other deep, that's a whole other deep dive. Okay, so have you ever thought, what does validation even 

[00:01:34] Randi: mean? Can you validate your own feelings or is it something you only do with others?

How do I know it's working? How do I tell people my feelings are valid? Especially 

[00:01:46] Jess: without having a tantrum, just so you know. Right, 

[00:01:48] Randi: right. Like how do you tell people just this is the way it is, and kind of take that emotion out of it too? Mm-hmm. , it's very, very hard, like especially if you're feeling all oh, or.

[00:01:59] Jess: Am I being a good partner, friend, parent, sibling, whatever? 

[00:02:03] Randi: Did I try to fix it? Do I try to fix it? Do I let them vent? What do I do? Yeah, what do I do? What's happening here? All right, so 

[00:02:12] Jess: let's do like validation 1 0 1. Okay. What is it? 

[00:02:16] Randi: So validating is to prov, to provide or confirm that something is valuable.

or worthwhile? It has worth, it can take up space. It's okay. 

[00:02:29] Jess: Right. So validating yourself means you accept that you feel the way you do, and it's okay to feel that way. Mm-hmm. , whereas validating others, 

[00:02:39] Randi: Randy is validating their feelings or opinions and saying that they are valid and they are worthy and worthwhile.

[00:02:48] Jess: So basically it's about being important in this world and being heard and 

[00:02:52] Randi: understood. Mm-hmm. , and you do not have to agree with them. You don't have to agree with their feelings. You don't have to agree with what they're doing. Nope. But we are all important and we all deserve to be recognized. So it's.

Recognizing what they're going through or recognizing what they're feeling. You do not need to agree 

[00:03:15] Jess: with it, and you don't even have to have gone through it. Right. To 

[00:03:19] Randi: understand it. Right. Or, and you don't need to walk through it with them if you can't. That is not what this is about. Okay. 

[00:03:25] Jess: But you know, if they're being an asshole, you don't have to validate that they're being an asshole , you know?

But you. Something like, and we'll give you more of these at the end. Right, right. And you can say something like, I see this as very important to you, but in a non condescending 

[00:03:39] Randi: way. Yeah. Maybe not as snarky as like, we would do that. Like, no, no. Snark. Mm. Okay. I see This's important to you. , but it's not really that important.

Let's not, let's try to take that kind of like a step back if it's something, or like Yeah. If they're being a complete and. Asshole. You can be like, I validate you are being an asshole and I'm gonna walk away from this right now, . Well, 

[00:04:04] Jess: okay, so let's go back to, I can, I see this is important to you. Mm-hmm.

I hear this is important to you. Okay. However, I'm gonna walk 

[00:04:12] Randi: away right now. Right? So, see, she acknowledged, she rephrased it. Uh, so it made. Feel seen and they feel heard and she didn't minimize their emotions about it. When you're like, okay, I see what you're doing right now, but I don't, you know, also like, you know, your face can come across.

I have very bad or. BF face, so it's like try to like tone that down. If you, 

[00:04:39] Jess: my husband is so funny with the rbf. He's like, if we, I don't know 

[00:04:43] Randi: if that's a rusting bitch based, if you guys don't know , right? Well, 

[00:04:46] Jess: we finally told him what it was and like we were at somewhere the other day. He's like, did you see that lady?

She had really bad rbf, rbf . She's in there, she whatever she's reading. Is this really upsetting her? No. He's like, 

[00:04:57] Randi: oh, like I'm in the club. He is. I know what she has. So it made me laugh. But yeah. But that helps us when we do this and we. To rephrase and validate other people too. It's good to also be aware of your body language and your tone of voice, because that's a big thing for me too with my partner and stuff.

Like he has a very deep and intimidating voice, and like if he talks to me in a certain tone, it can feel very like authoritarian and it can make me be like, ow, you know, like I have to. Okay. Can you like tone it down for me because it's, you know, your tone can be like very upsetting to me and so it's like, and I don't feel like maybe you're trying to convey that to me, but, you know, people kind of just sometimes go through the motions and they don't understand like what they're triggers they're putting out well, right.

Yeah. And they 

[00:05:45] Jess: don't understand that, you know, he, he knows you well enough, but when he probably didn't hear it. Right. And that's your trigger. You get triggered because of whatever your stuff is. Right? Right. All of our traumas, they trigger us. Mm. And, and sometimes we, we say things or do things and we're not paying attention, 

[00:06:00] Randi: so, right.

And that's a way for me also to validate myself. Mm-hmm. like this. Mm-hmm. , your tone is triggering to me. Yeah. I wanna hear what you're saying, but I can't because you're putting me in like a fight or flight. You know? Mm-hmm. zone right now. And so if you could, you know, talk to me either when you're a little bit less emotional or like, you know, like, I'm not on your team that you know, and I'm not one of your workers like

Cause sometimes he tries to like manager. That's the manager. And I'm like, I'm not. I'm not one of your minions, so please talk to me accordingly. Yeah. But yeah, so, but that's a way for me to validate and also communicate better with him so that he knows too what to give me back and mm-hmm. , and then I'm more receptive to what he has to say instead of just being like, no, no, no.

Oh, I'm out. 

[00:06:48] Jess: Right. It might, I, I'm laughing at the, the manager part. Cause my husband does that too sometimes. And the kids and I are like, um, that's your manager voice, right? Well, he does it to me. He is like, Hmm. That's your therapist's voice? Mm-hmm. . And I'm like, oh, I did just got off work. Gimme 10 minutes.

Let me, let me get out of my, my therapist's voice. 

[00:07:05] Randi: Let me get out of that mode. 

[00:07:08] Jess: Oh, I say, I wanna re, re reiterate. Yeah. Uh, say again that I want you to listen to what people are saying. Mm-hmm. , I want you to acknowledge what they're saying and rephrase what the person is saying. Mm-hmm. . And that's a really hard task for people to do because it is not putting your stuff in it.

immediately. Mm-hmm. . Right. It, it is really, truly just, you want them to be, feel, heard and seen, just the way you wanna be, feel, heard and seen. Yeah. And we don't wanna change or minimize their emotions. Yeah. Even if they are being batshit crazy. Right. Right. I mean, and I say that in a, you know, loving 

[00:07:41] Randi: term.

Loving term, but also like you might not understand too where they're coming from. And you could also be like, am I hearing this correctly? Right. Or can you explain to me a little bit more about. Why you're feeling this way or what is causing this? So that too, you can then listen a little bit more, you know, openly acknowledge it a little bit deeper and like be able to be like, okay, now I'm, now I'm understanding, you know?

Yeah. 

[00:08:09] Jess: Especially for uncomfortable situations and uncomfortable emotions. Mm-hmm. , I mean, cuz we. We are not taught as little kids to really sit in our emotions. Oh, no. Right. 

[00:08:19] Randi: And we'll talk about that. It's like, stop crying. Like stop doing this. Like stop worrying about it. Like it'll be fine. 

[00:08:24] Jess: That's in, that's invalidating.

Mm-hmm. that is not validating someone's emotions by telling them, you're fine. Just get up. You're fine. No, they're obviously hurt and crying. 

[00:08:32] Randi: Yeah. We're taught to like, you know, ignore, suppress, repress, whatever you want to call it. 

[00:08:38] Jess: Hmm. She's like, Hmm, I'm not getting into that one. No. Okay, 

[00:08:40] Randi: we'll do that in a day.

So how are some ways that we can work on this? So practicing it daily? Yes. 

[00:08:47] Jess: This is 

[00:08:48] Randi: practice. It's a learned, it's something you learned because we haven't been taught 

[00:08:51] Jess: this. Right. If I decided I was gonna go run a 5k, um, I don't run by the way that. I can't just go sign up in the next, I put a picture, right?

I'm like, no, I don't run. The zombies are gonna get me. Yeah. But if I was gonna say I'm gonna go do it, I would have to practice it every day, right? Mm-hmm. , I would have to start slowly. I would have to make it a habit. Mm-hmm. so I could do it. I'm, I'm sure I could run a 5k, but like I said, the zombies are gonna, I'll, I'll just save all of the rest of y'all.

Mm-hmm. . But I want you to, to like journal it. We talked in episode 24 about, Journaling. 

[00:09:28] Randi: Yeah. Right. And you can work on that with yourself, like validating your own feelings. Like write that in your gratitude journal or whatever. It's okay for me to be feeling sad today. Mm-hmm. , or it's okay for me to be feeling upset today because this happened, or it's okay for me to be feeling really, really happy about this.

Sometimes we push down like important events and happiness too, because we're fearful of how other people are gonna react to it. Yes. Cause you or we don't wanna make it seem like, yeah, like we're like. Hogging the spotlight or something. 

[00:09:55] Jess: But still, you know, I tell people all the time, why can't you be big?

Right? Yeah. Why, why can't you 

[00:10:02] Randi: celebrate them yourself? Why and why not celebrate the small things 

[00:10:06] Jess: or the big things, or the, or the normal things or, yeah. You know, we, we, we got into habit of, of, you know, we talked about like Facebook bragging, right? Mm-hmm. , but. It's, it's something that we should be able to celebrate those 

[00:10:19] Randi: things, right?

And it, and you do want the people around you that g are gonna celebrate with you and cheer you on. There's a lot of jealousy and things mm-hmm. , especially with women and, and friendships and stuff like that. And, You want those friendships and those relationships where they're gonna be happy for your wins.

Yes. And they're gonna support you through the losses too. Yep. And so, and don't make you feel bad about having those big wins or small wins or whatever they are. And this also, we talk about this a little bit more about learning to love yourself and accept yourself too. And. Episode 17, if you guys wanna give that a listen.

Yeah. 

[00:10:57] Jess: I mean it, and this is all about coming into who you are. Mm-hmm. really, truly, I mean, I think that's where like 2023 is going to be honest, it, it feels very much that we are learning to love and accept ourselves for our hot messes, our wins, our successes. 

[00:11:12] Randi: Yeah. We're meeting ourselves where we are.

Yes. Whether that's in the deep, in the mess on the, you know, hot express train or we're. You know, having all the good things happening, like we're, we just are where we're are and we're okay with that. And so how do we learn, you know, to validate ourselves and others. 

[00:11:33] Jess: You have to be a cheerleader. Mm-hmm.

right? Mm-hmm. . It is, it is. Be your own cheerleader. Be your friends cheerleader. Right. Be the person that acknowledges that. Yay. I am so proud of you. I'm so glad you did it to me the other day. I said, Hey, I got this done, da da da. And you're like, I am so proud of you. I don't know how you figured that out.

Not that she was saying I couldn't. No, but yeah, she was like, I'm so proud that you did that. And that felt really good, right? Because I was like, yeah, 

[00:11:56] Randi: I did that. You're like, oh yeah, I did do that. Cuz I think sometimes, when we're struggling through things or like learning something new or even, you know, it's, even if it's a simple process, but we've never done it before, it's like, woo.

Yeah, that's a win, you know, for me. And then you can start to, I feel like notice mm-hmm. and accept those things more in yourself and others, like when you are kind of like along on that 

[00:12:19] Jess: track. Well, and it, yeah. Acknowledging we like our strengths, right? Mm-hmm. , we talk about that is, that is the first thing.

I guess I want all the moments out there to really acknowledge the strengths of their children. 

[00:12:31] Randi: Hmm. Because we don't do that 

[00:12:33] Jess: enough. We don't do that enough, but we, I am better off. I can acknowledge her strengths faster than I can acknowledge 

[00:12:39] Randi: mine. Oh, a hundred percent. I always say like to the way we talk to ourselves, I would never, ever talk to my friends the way that I talk to myself.

And that's another thing that we were gonna talk about too, is practice saying nice things to yourself. Yes. 

[00:12:53] Jess: It's hard. And, and being kind to yourself. Mm-hmm. , I mean, it's so hard. You know, there's a thing going around about, you know, listen to how people talk to, you know, people at restaurants, right? Mm-hmm.

what if they heard how you talk to 

[00:13:07] Randi: yourself? 

[00:13:07] Jess: Oh, God. Right? And Randy is, she's so funny. She, she can make friends anywhere. She's like, Talking to somebody, she thinks they're the manager finds out, they're like, this owner of this, you know, 

[00:13:17] Randi: multimillion dollar company, . 

[00:13:19] Jess: Right. And she's just chatting her up because that's who she is.

And you just, you're kind to 

[00:13:23] Randi: people. Yeah. So, yeah, I don't see like people as like a tier, like a gateway to other people. And I feel like we, a lot of times people are like, what can this person do for me? What can I get out of this situation? Yeah. What can I, I feel like when you are. You know, overall more understanding, have more empathy towards yourself and others, like, it opens up like these natural pathways and like to more, you know, success and fulfillment and stuff.

And that starts from like working on yourself from within and learning to love yourself. And then when you do that, you can open up yourself to others and truly give more of yourself to them in a less, you know, self-centered. 

[00:14:06] Jess: Right. And there's a word I cannot think of right now. It is so simple. You're gonna be like that word,

Uh, being whole with somebody being vulnerable. 

[00:14:15] Randi: Oh my god. Vulnerable vulnerability. That's the word I'm thinking of. Okay. Right. And that's hard. It's hard to be vulnerable and, and a lot of us have been hurt being vulnerable, but I find that you, you get, you'll find more worth, you know, when you do open up and.

you get so much more back from the people that are truly vulnerable back with you. Mm-hmm. . Mm-hmm. 

[00:14:39] Jess: it. It's a different space. So you had said rephrasing. I wanna talk about that one. Mm-hmm. , I find most people when you say something negative, Right. You know, oh, I look horrible in this outfit. And then you're like, oh wait, I have to rephrase that.

Don't be dumb. Right. No. And so it's not that it's, it's doing it kindly mm-hmm. and say, is there a nicer way I can say that about myself? Right, right. Acknowledge that you said it. Don't beat yourself up. But, 

[00:15:02] Randi: and, and we talk about this MAR two and toxic positivity Yes. On episode five, where we talk about a lot, um, how we're so hard on ourselves, like in our body and our appearance mm-hmm.

And we could be like, okay, I. Hate the way I look in this outfit right now, but like I know my body is really strong right now. Mm-hmm. or like I've carried, you know, a child. Like I know I'm capable of things. I don't have to like love everything about myself, but there are good things about myself. And so it's like kind of rephrasing those things.

Finding the good, you know, even if you're like struggling. . Mm-hmm. , 

[00:15:37] Jess: absolutely. Sorry, you got me mid sip 

[00:15:39] Randi: there. No, and it's fine. And perfection is not a thing. Let us not try to be like hustle. Hustle Perfect. 24 7. Okay. That is not what this year is about. Nope. Nope. We are meeting ourselves where we're at.

Yep. We're appreciating ourselves. Yep. Where we're at, we're validating ourselves where we're at, and we're gonna learn to appreciate that. 

[00:15:59] Jess: Yeah. I, I, it would be awesome. I wish. My twenties, I felt like I do now at my current 

[00:16:06] Randi: age. Can you imagine like how much farther, how powerful we 

[00:16:10] Jess: would be? Yes. I mean, it just feels so powerful with this acceptance and knowing and learning and just being 

[00:16:17] Randi: real.

And I hope that for our daughters, because there is so much more like awareness Yes. And things like that, that they will be like farther along in the game and be able to have like healthier, you know, friendships and relationships. I already see that like with my daughter now too. She's able. Walk away from unhealthy relationships in high school.

And I know your daughter too, in like middle school that, you know, normally we would probably like have dragged on like in, you know, in our era. Era. Well, and I think some of us long ago still do it. Oh yeah. I, I mean, I've had to learn, uh, you know, The past few years and stuff too, to mm-hmm. walk away from things cuz I've always been one of those, like, I'm like a lifetime friend, like I'm in it forever, like ride or die.

And I'm like, okay. The reality is, is that friendships don't last longer usually than like seven years. They're very cyclical. There's like a time and a place, you know, for them. And it is what it is. And. Some people you can pick up where you left off and other, you know, relationships or friendships you have to grieve and let go of mm-hmm.

And that's a hard thing to learn, but you know, when you learn it, it's a much more freeing 

[00:17:24] Jess: and, and what, what you're saying, right. We talk about validating yourself is what I tell my daughter all the time, and I've said it before on this podcast, is choose people who choose you. Mm-hmm. and I said that to somebody the other day and they're.

I've never heard anybody tell me that. To choose people who choose you, show up for people who are showing up for you, because that's the same thing as people who are validating you. Mm-hmm. . Right? Validate yourself, validate others. And the ones that are not validating you and they're invalidating, you know, get kick 'em.

Just kick 'em. To the curb. To the curb. 

[00:17:59] Randi: And we are giving you permission. We are giving you permission. Yep. To. . Choose people that choose you. Sometimes we need to have that said to us. Mm-hmm. to be like, okay, you know, it's clicking, you know, and I'm gonna do that for myself. And wow. Watch yourself flourish.

Watch your friendships grow. When you're not like sitting at home being like, why didn't so and so invite me to this party? Like, I'm not, why am I not worthy enough of this friendship? No. Find a friend that is always gonna show up for you. 

[00:18:31] Jess: Yes. So I want to also give examples of invalidating statements.

Mm-hmm. , and then we're gonna give some validating statements. I really want people to understand what an invalidating statement is, and if you catch yourself making an invalidating statement, it's okay to say, Hey, you know what? Let me rephrase that. Yeah, let me say that again. I do 

[00:18:52] Randi: that with my kids all the time.

Yep. Because like, you know, the way I was raised it, you know, we were very like invalidated and so I catch myself off the cusp, you know, being like, and I'm like, wait, rewind, do over. Okay. 

[00:19:05] Jess: Well, and that's what we call 'em in our house. Mm-hmm. , can I have a doover? Yeah. I, I, it's when I was not behaving the way I want to behave towards her.

Mm-hmm. , you know, I've done it to my husband before. If I got snippy, can I have a doover? And they're hard. Oh my gosh. They're so hard to come back and be like, can I have a doover? Cuz I just totally sucked a minute ago. And I'd like to say it differently, but it can 

[00:19:23] Randi: really like reset like everything. Yeah.

I know when I. I'm like, you're right. I was being a Mm. You know, so like, can I, I'm sorry. You know, but maybe you were still a little bit No, . 

[00:19:34] Jess: Well, and that's why it's a do-over. I'm gonna say, yeah. I'm gonna say it differently and I'm, I'm gonna say what I, I wish I would've said. Mm-hmm. is really what it ishmm, so.

Okay. Invalidating statements. Just so you know, these are toxic statements that I'm about to say. So these are things that if you, if you're catching yourself doing it, try to rephrase it nicely. Mm-hmm. . But one is it'll all work out. I hate that one. 

[00:19:57] Randi: You're taking it too personally. Deal with it. You're just being too sensitive.

And this is a trigger for me because I was told my whole life that I was highly sensitive. Turns out undiagnosed adhd, but let's not go there. , 

[00:20:10] Jess: right? Overreacting. Yeah. You're just overreacting. That's your fault for getting yourself into these kinds of situations. That's a trigger for a lot of women, um, dealing with rape and everything else.

Yeah. No, that that right there is so invalidating and complete bullshit. 

[00:20:25] Randi: Yeah. What's the big deal? Or I don't understand the big deal. Or you 

[00:20:30] Jess: should feel lucky. 

[00:20:31] Randi: Yeah. Or . My favorite one. It could be worse. Ugh. 

[00:20:35] Jess: Hate that one. Okay. Yeah. So those are invalidating statements If you find yourself saying those, stop, please.

[00:20:40] Randi: Okay. So what are validating statements then? 

[00:20:43] Jess: Uh, validating statements. We've gone through some of these on some of our other episodes. My favorite one, you know, stop saying sorry, episode. Yeah. Uh, that's what episode seven, I think. I don't know you, 

[00:20:54] Randi: but anyway. Can find it on our show, on our main show, baby

[00:20:58] Jess: So a validating statement is saying things like what you are thinking or feeling is normal. That right there, most people will stop and breathe. Mm-hmm. They don't realize what normal is. 

[00:21:12] Randi: Right. Yeah. Because we, we have this perception Yeah. Of what normal I'm using what normal is supposed to be. There is no normal.

like what this is, you know, being in a mess, like things happening all the time, being stressed out, that is our normal, okay, so yes, this is normal. Or saying something like this must have been really hard for you. 

[00:21:35] Jess: Yeah, that and that. Just acknowledging that even if you don't have any idea what they're going through, It.

It was probably really hard. 

[00:21:43] Randi: Mm-hmm. and I had that happen with an employee the other day. They came to tell me something. I was very disappointed in them, and I said, I acknowledged that it was really hard for you to come and talk to me about this, and I'm very proud that you did. I'm still a little frustrated right now, like I'm validating my feelings.

Yeah. And how this made me feel. But I am proud of you for coming to me with this and talking to me about it. Mm-hmm. and communicating. It with me. So it's like you can still have both sides of the coin. Like, yes, I'm upset, you know about this, or Yes, you're coming from this perspective, or, but you can still let the other person know you're still hearing them.

Yeah. And you're, you're working on processing 

[00:22:27] Jess: it. Right. And, and, and that's like earlier, as I can see this is important to you. Mm-hmm. . Yeah. And, and sometimes it's good for people to have a couple of statements that they can practice mm-hmm. so they can just kind of pull 'em out of their hat. Right? Yep.

What is another one? I appreciate that you feel more comfortable or I appreciate that you feel comfortable enough to share with me, right, right. What you were saying. That is a really good one because it's really hard to share stuff with people sometimes. Yeah. Especi. You know, an employee talking to a boss or your kid talking to you.

Right. I appreciate that. They, they can talk to me about these things. Mm-hmm. , 

[00:23:00] Randi: or I can see how hard this is for you, or I can see how hard you're working on this. Yes. Or I can see, you know, that you're struggling with this. Just acknowledging that you see someone. , you know, is so powerful. Mm-hmm. like, what is it?

There's a show and they're always like, I see you. 

[00:23:19] Jess: And I'm like, I see you. I see you. I dunno what show you're talking about. I 

[00:23:23] Randi: dunno about what it's, but yeah. So it's just like saying like, you see them as this whole mm-hmm. 

[00:23:31] Jess: and, and don't we all want to be seen. . Mm-hmm. , I mean, starting from little kids.

Mommy, mommy, mommy. Look, look, look. 

[00:23:37] Randi: That's all they want. Yeah. They 

[00:23:38] Jess: just wanna be seen. Right. And so, you know, part of this is learning to see yourself. Mm-hmm. , validate yourself so that you can also validate and see others. Yeah. So start 

[00:23:48] Randi: with yourself. Mm-hmm. , and then you can start working, you know? And, and 

[00:23:53] Jess: the really cool thing is that as you get better at validating yourself, you're gonna seek less external validation from other sources.

And you might find you have less tolerance for, uh, bullshit. Bullshit. Thank you, . Okay. For bullshit, for people who aren't validating you, people who are putting you down, people who are, 

[00:24:13] Randi: who invalidate you are doing 

[00:24:14] Jess: toxic positivity, 

[00:24:15] Randi: crap. Gaslighting you. Yes. Like, you know, stop bon by and listen to gaslighting.

You know, one-on-one on episode, whatever. Yeah. Whatever. Episode 

[00:24:24] Jess: 13, 13. I'm like, I don't remember. But don't let other people determine your worth. Yep. You are the only one that can determine your 

[00:24:33] Randi: worth. Yep. So work on your worth this year if that's something that you're struggle with. We have more resources on our website, randy and jess.com.

So head over there. We have all of our episodes list. Listed and if you're coming in to us from like Apple or Spotify or Amazon Music, be sure to go to our show and hit the like and follow button so you guys can listen to our episodes every Wednesday. And you can also find us on TikTok. 

[00:25:01] Jess: Oh, she's pointing at me.

[00:25:02] Randi: I'm like, ah, she forgot On TikTok at Women's Mental. 

[00:25:07] Jess: Yep. And you can also sign up for our newsletter, so that way when we do have new releases coming out, you can get notified of it. We often will give out, you know, free workbooks or we'll give you some of our favorite favorites. So yeah, our favorite tidbits.

Tidbits. There you go, . All right, we'll catch you next time. 

[00:25:25] Randi: Thanks. Bye guys for listening and normalizing mental health. 

[00:25:28] Jess: Don't forget to check out our free resources and favorites on our website, unapologetically randy and jess.com 

[00:25:35] Randi: like and share this episode and tune in next week.