Transcript
WEBVTT
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Welcome back to the women's mental health podcast.
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I'm randy.
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I'm And I'm Jess.
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And we are two licensed psychotherapists, and this is a safe space where we talk about mental health, being, and strategies for coping with life's challenges.
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And how all of this is normal, and you are not alone.
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Today, we're talking about a powerful topic, leaning into vulnerability.
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Find us and more resources on womensmentalhealthpodcast.
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com.
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Have you ever had these thoughts?
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What does it mean to lean into vulnerability?
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Why
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is vulnerability important?
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How do I start being more vulnerable, which is an amazing question right there.
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What if I'm met with negativity or, a wall when I'm trying to be vulnerable?
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Yeah, that sucks.
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How can vulnerability improve
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my relationships?
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Can being too vulnerable be harmful?
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How does vulnerability affect my mental health?
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Is it okay to show vulnerability, say, at work?
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How, I was just thinking about the times you get mad and you end up crying at work, and you're like, son of a bitch, I'm only crying because I'm mad.
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How can I encourage others to be
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more vulnerable with me?
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And what are some common misconceptions about vulnerability?
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Okay, so first, Randi, let's go through and define what do we mean by leaning into vulnerability.
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Vulnerability is the willingness to show emotion or to allow one's weaknesses, or what we perceive as weaknesses, to be seen or known.
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It's about taking emotional risks and opening yourself up to uncertainty and exposure to others.
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The term leaning into vulnerability means actively embracing these aspects of ourselves rather than avoiding or suppressing them.
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And that's scary when we think about it.
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I think about those times where like, you ever see the mystery spot back in Santa Cruz?
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Oh, yeah.
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Huh.
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Where the house is all weird.
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Where they set up.
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Huh.
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Where you feel like you're leaning way over, but you're actually standing.
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Your perspective is off.
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Yeah, you're actually standing straight up and that's what I think of when we lean into vulnerability is that we have to lean into what's uncomfortable because that's being vulnerable.
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And that's where growth happens.
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Exactly.
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Okay.
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So it's called leaning into vulnerability because it involves moving towards those uncomfortable feelings instead of shying away from them.
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So just like we were talking about leaning into it.
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And this can be really powerful in building an authentic connection.
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Connection and authentic self and really fostering our own personal growth.
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So how does leaning into vulnerability really impact us as women?
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I feel like with society and the expectations that are put on us as women or dictate, like how we should.
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be seen or things that we should do that many of us who are self reliant or strong kind of suppress our true feelings or our true natures because we want to meet the standards of being, I don't know, meek or mild or going along with everything.
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I think there's a whole demure trend right now.
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And then I've seen a lot of like pushback against like, I'm not demure like at all.
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but when we shy away from who we are at our core and how we really feel it can lead to us, it can lead to more isolation, more anxiety and depression and things like that.
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And I want to say that even being vulnerable doesn't mean I'm going to cry, it could mean I'm going to yell.
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It doesn't have.
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It's.
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Yeah.
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Opening up any part of yourself that you have been actively suppressing or hiding or not bringing to the surface.
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Like it doesn't have to be a certain emotion or a certain feeling or a certain type of, conversation that you need to have.
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It's just allowing yourself to feel, yeah.
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To feel and to be who you are.
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If you're mad, be mad.
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If you're sad, be sad, whatever that feeling is.
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So when we start to embrace vulnerability.
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It can have so many different benefits for our mental health.
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It's going to allow us as women to really express our true selves and it's going to lead us to more genuine relationships.
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Yeah.
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Deeper friendships.
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Yeah.
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It's like what I have with Randy.
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I have a sense of belonging.
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I can totally be exactly who I am.
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Because I can be vulnerable with her, because she can be
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vulnerable with me.
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And our relationship happened because I leaned into being vulnerable, because I made a statement about something that I had kept very close to my chest, because I thought people would judge me for.
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And instead, it all Opened up a world of friendships of women who also felt the same way.
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And we're also suppressing those feelings.
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And we were able to come together and create our own network.
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Exactly.
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So when we start to open up about our struggles, our fears our happiness, things that we're proud of, things that we're doing for ourselves, we often find others that can relate as well, which can be someone who's Validating and so Amazingly kinder Braden light come comforting comforting.
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God.
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That's a hard word to say right now Comforting and if we don't become vulnerable and open about this We may never meet these people who are just you know Just like us or who
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accept us as we are or you could positively impact somebody else to take a chance on themselves or try something new?
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And you might never see that come full circle, but if you haven't put yourself out there, like how do you know that you couldn't be positively like impacting somebody else to make better life choices?
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when we lean into vulnerability, it can be so scary.
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It's not an easy thing to do.
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So don't think Oh yeah, I'm just going to jump into it.
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Or if you're stressed about it yeah, okay.
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Because exposing your innermost thoughts and feelings, especially if you've been hurt or judged in the past is very scary, but oftentimes the rewards can be immense.
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And like we said, leaning to really deeper con connections and a deeper sense of self.
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also there's like kind of like a gray area, like sometimes we can overshare.
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And so it's like you, you still need to find the line where you need to protect, yourself too, especially in things like social media
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then let's think about vulnerability isn't just a yes or no.
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It's not an on or off switch.
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It is more of like a spectrum or a ruler.
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There are different people you can be more vulnerable with and there are people that you need to be less vulnerable with.
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And so it is something that isn't just like you flip a switch and you're like, woohoo, I'm vulnerable now.
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It is something that you're going to have to continue to gauge.
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Because you need to be able to make sure you're being vulnerable in the right areas, right times.
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It isn't, like I said, it isn't like all of a sudden you're like, I'm just going to be vulnerable and here you go.
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Because that also leads you to being hurt.
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And so you have to gauge it.
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We talked about this in our hard launch and stuff.
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Soft launch episode and this also goes into our other protecting your peace episode, finding a balance are you going to announce to the world?
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If you're having a relationship, are you going to announce the world about this?
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And you don't, need to be vulnerable with everybody all the time, but it's good to have those deeper connections too.
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So it's finding where it works for you.
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Let's talk about how we can show up and be vulnerable in our daily lives.
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We were talking a minute ago about, it's a gauge.
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How can we bring this into our daily lives to be our true selves?
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How do we start?
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Start small.
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Start small.
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Begin by sharing maybe some thoughts and feelings with someone you trust.
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This could be a close friend or a family member or a therapist, and gradually you can expand this to other areas of your life, but make sure you start with somebody that you feel like you have developed trust with.
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Exactly.
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And you don't have to share everything with your therapist in the first session.
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No.
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You don't ever have to share everything.
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When you're being vulnerable, gauge it again.
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The other part is going to be practicing self compassion.
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Most of us can't do that.
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It's being kind to yourself when you do feel vulnerable.
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and if you.
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could see me.
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I just put my hand to my chest when I said vulnerable
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over.
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Yeah.
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When you feel that, remember it is a sign of strength and not a weakness to show your true self to show up for yourself and to be present with who
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you are.
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also another step is to create a safe space.
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So you need to have a space where you can Encourage yourself to be open and honest and let others know too, that they can be vulnerable with you as well.
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So you have a circular, vulnerability happening.
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Like you can come to me if you want to talk about this.
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I can come to you if I want to talk about this.
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And this is a safe space that we have created for us.
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And of course, our thing.
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Set your boundaries.
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And this is what I mean by gauge who you can be vulnerable with and how vulnerable you can be.
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Cause while it's important to be open, it's also really important to protect your emotional wellbeing.
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And another thing is to acknowledge the steps you have taken to be vulnerable and that this is very courageous.
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You have to recognize yourself and you have to celebrate yourself in these moments when you do lean into vulnerability.
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You need to be your own cheerleader because it's brave and you deserve acknowledgement in that.
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Exactly.
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And so when you can show support for your vulnerability or somebody else's vulnerability, it means that you can be there for others and yourself.
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So listen, without judgment, offer empathy.
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Fee.
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Validate your feelings and their feelings and let others know that their vulnerability is appreciated and respected.
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And that's, I think that's
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huge.
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I think a lot of them are not like, oh, hey, thank you for actually letting me in on that.
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That made me feel really connected to you.
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I think we don't say that enough.
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Sometimes it's just thank you for sharing with me.
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That must have been really hard.
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And so thank you for doing that.
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So Randy, let's go through now and let's answer our have you ever questions.
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What does it mean to lean
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into vulnerability?
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Again, it means embracing your true self.
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including your fears, your emotions, your insecurities, and embracing them without judgment.
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It's about being open to the full spectrum of what the human experience has to offer us, and really understanding that vulnerability is not a weakness, but like we said, it's a courageous step towards living your most authentic life.
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Just why Do you think vulnerability is considered so important?
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Vulnerability is the underlying strength to connection and creativity and that change that we look for.
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It allows us to really create these deep connections with others.
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It allows us to challenge our limits and push us a little further out of our comfort zone and really grow, be it.
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On that comfort zone.
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And so when we're vulnerable, we can open ourselves to new experiences, to new learning and really true, genuine relationships.
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And so that is just so cool when you can have that relationship with others and yourself.
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So Randy.
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How do I start by being more vulnerable?
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Again, start small.
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It doesn't need to be a big, there don't need to be fireworks.
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Share a personal story, maybe with a friend.
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Express a feeling that you usually keep to yourself or ask for help even when you need it.
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We were talking about this in our last video.
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Episode about codependency, asking for help can be so powerful and it's hard for those that are super independent and remember that vulnerability is a practice.
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It's about practicing it, taking a step one at a time and trying it again and opening up more fully with each of those steps.
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Just what if you are met with negativity or pushback when you're trying to be vulnerable?
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This actually happens more than you would think.
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Oh yeah.
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Cause when you grow, it makes people uncomfortable.
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Exactly.
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So not all responses to your vulnerability are going to be positive.
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They're not, you have to be prepared for that.
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You do.
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What it is is really a reflection of the other person's comfort with vulnerability and not a judgment about your worth or your vulnerability.
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They're
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uncomfortable with Yeah, their feelings.
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It doesn't really have anything to do with you.
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And you have to realize that when you step into this space and own yourself and are working on your self wealth and your self development that like others opinions of you aren't a reflection of you.
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It's a reflection of them.
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And they're trying to put that on you.
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on you.
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And that's when I say,
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like in Wonder Woman, when she had her bracelets.
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Oh yeah.
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And she would be like, bing, bing, bing.
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And that's what you do when they're doing.
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You just kind of bing, bing, bing, and let it bounce off that you and go back to them.
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And so, what that does though, is that that's about them.
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And if you can remember that that is about them.
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And really just honor your courage for showing up authentically as who you are.
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And remember that, like Randy was just saying a few minutes ago, is that when you do, the right people will appreciate you for you and for your openness.
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Randy, how can being vulnerable improve my relationships?
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Just what Jeff said, that When you are more vulnerable, it really fosters authenticity.
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It fosters trust.
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It fosters intimacy.
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And when you're honest about your feelings and your experiences, people mimic that, and it incurred.
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Yeah.
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It ain't our kids mimic.
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Yes.
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Like our partners will mimic it.
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Our friends will, it encourages others to do the same because then they don't feel so alone in that.
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And this creates those deep, meaningful connections that.
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Often we are lacking or that we really want.
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And because both parties then feeling seen, they're feeling heard, they're feeling valued, they're feeling validated, all of the things.
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And you're getting that back and forth from each other.
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And that's amazing.
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When you can see somebody for who they are and you can hear them and be with them and do it without judgment, that is such an amazing feeling.
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feeling to say, it's
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indescribable.
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It is.
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It's just the most amazing thing.
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But can being too vulnerable be harmful?
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I'm going to say, yeah, sometimes it can, if you're not gauging correctly, because this is where you use your boundaries.
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When you are practicing vulnerability, you need to have your boundaries in place.
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It's important to share with people who have earned, listen to this, who have They've earned the right to hear your story and who you believe will handle it with care.
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Yeah, like your package that says handle with care, like fragile inside, like you're not just going to give it off to, what's that DHL that like always messes up all the packages you want it to go to, or the post office that's kicking the package you want it to go, the UPS guy that's friendly and holds it with care and drops it right off at your door.
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I'm hoping he places it, not drops it, but yeah, exactly.
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But yeah, because when you're vulnerable, and you don't use your boundaries, it's going to lead to being exposed and hurt and it it won't always, but it could because you're telling the wrong people too much information or you're showing them too much and you have to gauge it.
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And that's what I'm talking about when I say gauges, use your boundaries.
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How does vulnerability affect our mental health though?
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When we embrace being vulnerable, it can really improve our mental health because it reduces our feelings of feeling isolated anxiety or shame over maybe our thoughts.
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And it really encourages us to be more empathetic with ourselves, have more self compassion it fosters resilience.
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It's easier to get back up when you've fallen down and it really promotes your overall emotional well being because you have more of a centered, core of who you are so you can't be thrown off balance as much.
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You know
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who you are and so you know you can get up and you can be who you are.
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And nothing is going to throw you off from that.
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Because it's
