Unwrap Your Joy: Navigating Holiday Stress with Self-Care

Randi: 0:14

Welcome back to the Women's Mental Health Podcast, where Randi and Jess, two licensed psychotherapists, talk about mental health, well-being, strategies for coping with life's challenges, and how it's all normal. You

Jess: 0:25

are not alone. In this episode, we're going to talk about the holidays

Randi: 0:29

The holiday season can bring so much joy to us. Can also bring a lot of unwanted guests, unwanted stress, compound depression, and anxiety, with some practical tips we're going to talk about in today's episode. You can minimize the stress that accompanies the holidays and maybe even slightly enjoy them, right?

Jess: 0:48

Have you ever thought,

Randi: 0:51

I love the holidays, but I also hate them.

Jess: 0:55

I wish I didn't have to deal with the stress of the holidays.

Randi: 0:59

Why are the holidays so difficult sometimes? I'm

Jess: 1:02

always broke by New Years.

Randi: 1:05

Why do I have to buy gifts for these people? Or like my coworkers or like anybody You're just not feeling it right now.

Jess: 1:12

Or how about the stress? I'm always stressed. We talked about it in the last episode. Mm-hmm. trying to buy Randy a gift. I don't know what to buy. The woman for holidays. So it's stressful, right? Or, like, I don't know how to deal with certain people.

Randi: 1:30

right? Or Yeah, and the same thing: maybe some people are easier to buy for, or maybe some people aren't. Or, like you said, How do I deal with Uncle Dick? Let's call him. That type of situation can be stressful when it is supposed to be. What do they say is the most wonderful time of the year? So

Jess: 1:53

They're supposed to be exciting, and they're supposed to be fun. Mm-hmm. and it's supposed to be magical, right? This is a magic thing. Why is it so stressful? Why do we have such a hard time with

Randi: 2:04

it? Because it's who creates the magic? We do, and I do. Moms do or women do, like you're trying to make things special, but with that, we can feel like we need to go over the top with things, and that can lead to financial burdens. The stress of just thinking of it, planning of it or like wanting to do it and then feeling like you're failing if you don't make it a certain way that you think it should be,

Jess: 2:30

know? Oh my gosh, yes. Holiday blues is described, by the way. This is not a DSM diagnosis. We can't actually diagnose you with holiday blues.

Randi: 2:41

It's just plain old stress. Crap like that. The

Jess: 2:46

Crap like that is temporary, right? My technical term goes something like that. It's the anxiety and depression that you feel during the holiday season, right? Mm-hmm. And so we say holidays; when does this normally

Randi: 2:59

start? So it starts around November or December and usually stops in January or February. But I would say that even now, like it's starting earlier and earlier, as more and more, I would say like retail. Media and things like that. Push holidays earlier and like sales more and more. So I think that we can find it happening. August right now? Yeah, August. It's mid-October right now, and we're recording this and we should already have all the Christmas presents under the tree.

Jess: 3:29

Hey, I would have my tree up if it wasn't in my wedding vows that I had to wait till the day after Thanksgiving. Oh my gosh. I mean, There is no honor or obedience in our wedding vows except for the fact that you will not put a tree up until the day after

Randi: 3:44

Thanksgiving. You would have that in your wedding vows. Oh, no,

Jess: 3:47

It wasn't me. It was my husband. It was my husband. Okay. Going back to Sirius, though. Yeah. Those who are already depressed or anxious are at a bigger risk, so you have to take care of yourself during this time of the year. Mm-hmm. So just know that. Already got all the anxiety or depression happening that when the holiday blues come around, it could make it worse for you, right?

Randi: 4:09

So it's like, how do we plan ahead? How do we make sure we have the support we need during this? Make sure that, like, we're not overwhelmed. What are the triggers that we can experience and things that we can avoid?

Jess: 4:27

So the first one you've already said earlier was that we have unrealistic expectations. Like I'm expecting magic,

Randi: 4:35

right? Fluffy, snow, sparkling angels coming down, singing all the wonderful, exciting presence that you've always wanted, and that's not realistic.

Jess: 4:47

Yeah. Or this year we're at a year where my daughter's 12. Mm-hmm. and she's going to hate everything. I got her. I already know that. I think I'm doing a good job, but she's already said, Mom, don't buy me clothes. You don't know how to pick out clothes for me. And I'm like, Okay, cool. No clothes. Uhhuh So I've basically been like, Just pick out everything you want, and I'll stick it under the tree. Yeah. Some of the magic is going to disappear.

Randi: 5:12

That's true. That does come with it. And it is because my daughter is 16 and a half too, and she and I shop a lot together. Mm-hmm. and we're very similar, like in things that we like and stuff too. And she will be like, Look at this mom. And then I'll be like, Looking at her, what the fuck? And I'm like, I already bought that, and then she can tell because she can read me, and she's like, You bought this for me already, didn't you? And I'm like, Stop talking, and then, or yeah, she'll put something in the cart, and I'm like, Put that back. And she's like, Why did you already buy it? And I'm like, Oh my gosh. Leave me alone. Or she's always with me. And I'm like, Okay, this is it; you're already seeing this Christmas present. It's going to be wrapped under the

Jess: 5:52

tree. Growing up, my mom would give us boxes with their names on the backside of them so we could wrap our own gifts. Mm-hmm. No, because she was like, I don't have time

Randi: 5:59

for this. You, you gotta help. I make my kids wrap their own. My daughter loves to wrap, and I don't, so I write numbers now, like on the back of everything. And I have. I'm like a crazy like gift person, so I have a spreadsheet of like gifts because I will forget. And she wraps them all and then she's Was this mine? And I was like, Yeah, you wrapped it. But anyways, back to the kind of things that can trigger us for these holiday blues. Like, one of the major things too is memories of past holidays, whether they were good or bad for you. Having family or friends not around or that have passed on, and that can be really, really hard. That's very hard for me too, with the loss I've had in my life and losing my mom because Christmas time was very, very special for us. Like always, she made the magic. Yeah. And so I feel everything's up to me to make the magic now. And am I measuring up? And then, like, she's not here to see this, and like, my kids don't get to know her. And it's so all that stuff can snowball, compound, and trigger, you know? So that's very common to happen. Yeah, I mean

Jess: 7:05

it is. This is when we remember. Oh. Like my uncle passed earlier this year. Mm-hmm, this is the first year without him. And so there are things that are going to be different. Mm-hmm. from, like, my parents or other people in the family. And so it is, It's hard when we don't have our loved

Randi: 7:22

ones. Yeah. And you mourn like what it was or like what your traditions were before and like how they look now. And I've found. Joy in creating new traditions and trying to let go of those other ones that might be bringing me down during the holidays. So that's something like I've used to like combating that. What

Jess: 7:41

What Randy is giving away is that she's telling you a little bit more about our holiday survival guide that we're going to have at the end of this. Mm-hmm. You're going to get to read about that. Yeah. In our holiday survival guide,. Okay. So another one is that a lot of people feel lonely or like they're isolated, right? Mm-hmm. especially like the last couple of years where we haven't been able to travel as much or see family as much. Yeah.

Randi: 8:05

Or like people are sick. Plans change, or you don't want to get a loved one. Sick. But sometimes I feel too. When we are surrounded, even by huge groups of family or friends during the holiday season, it can sometimes make us feel more lonely. Mm-hmm. So you can be in a crowded room and still feel lonely. And that's normal.

Jess: 8:25

Yeah. And not being connected to somebody like that can be very normal. Yeah. Sometimes

Randi: 8:29

It can make the connection seem even stronger, as you might feel. Family issues or triggers, and you can feel that deep loss all of a sudden, even with somebody sitting right across from you. What always

Jess: 8:42

What gets me though is feeling overwhelmed or stressed. Mm-hmm. It always feels like there's so much for me to do. I want to make the cookies. I want to make sure I do this. I want to make sure I have that right. And so it just becomes very overwhelming. For a lot of people. I know I'm not the only one. Oh yeah.

Randi: 8:59

And I'm the type two, like I want to do all the things. But then it's okay. And I think that's where this workbook can come into play, and helping people is like writing it down too. What you really want to accomplish, and focus on whether that is really like being present, like the time, or maybe picking one or two of those things. Maybe I really want to go ice skating and create that memory, or maybe I want to bake cookies, or whatever it is. Or I want to have friends over, maybe picking one of those things. So it's not like doing all these things and thinking you have to accomplish them all. And then ending up in this cycle that says, Oh, I didn't do any of this, and this is shitty, and this sucks. Also, hold those realistic expectations, like you might go ice skating. It might suck. There might be too many people there. Like your kids might scream and cry the whole time, But

Jess: 9:49

Are we going to get a good picture for social media? That's what I want to know. Are we going to get a good picture for social media? Yeah,

Randi: 9:55

Don't worry about that stuff. Try to kind of piece together and be realistic and intentional about what you want to do for the holidays, which I think could help. But there's also a lot of seasonal factors, like physical things, that come into play that can affect us. And how do those look?

Jess: 10:11

like? Especially where we are, we have less sunlight. Most people start eating the office potlucks, which come in a lot of sugar. Yeah. Or like holiday parties and getting together with friends and eggnog and rum.

Randi: 10:26

So drink more alcohol.

Jess: 10:28

Yeah. Yeah. Drinking more and sleeping less. We have it shoved down our throats at every store we go to because it's a wonderful time of the year. Yeah.

Randi: 10:37

So it's over-commercialized. I have gotten, I think every single, what is it? Holiday gift guide. Toy Gift Guide. Like sitting Oh, in the last week? Yeah, like in the last couple of weeks. And they're like all over my house because my son's like circling every single toy in it. And I'm like, Santa ain't coming this year, bro.

Jess: 10:57

every, Yeah, I've already; she's already been like, I want this and this and this

Randi: 11:00

and that. Yes. And I'm like, no. And I try to reiterate to myself and the kids that it's not about the gifts, but it's hard because it is shoved down our throats.

Jess: 11:10

Okay, so let's go back to the other thing. Do we even mention that, like how much it costs? Do we talk about

Randi: 11:16

money? Yeah. Yeah. And it can, and that's the thing, like, I think we feel this need to overperform and overbuy on my other social media platform. I talk a lot about savings. Mm-hmm. And this is something very near and dear to my heart: you should buy throughout the year and not stress yourself out financially, but it's very hard for people to do. Most of us live paycheck-to-paycheck, but you should not put yourself in debt. Nope, not at all for the holidays. Go to the Dollar Tree and buy a few things if you need to put'em under the tree; do not put yourself in debt for this. It is not worth the heartache or the hill you're going to have to climb or the pit. You're going to have to dig yourself out of putting yourself in financial debt, which is going to cause way more stress, anxiety, depression, and heartbreak. The media doesn't care. They're just like, Bye-bye-bye. And things are hard right now. Food costs are up. Yep. Housing costs are up. Yep. Gas is up. So it's like, really weigh what is important and what you need to buy. And kind of don't fall into the hype that you need to have 20,000 things under the tree. A lot of people, too, do a thing that I've tried to practice over the last few years: you get them something they want, like something they need. Mm-hmm. One thing is that they want a little experience, like a book or something like that. So it's, I think, something that can help, like Reign us into, of those of us who like to shop

Jess: 12:45

or feel like, Oh my God, I love shopping though. That's the thing, isn't it? You saw my hallway when you walked in.

Randi: 12:50

I know. I know. Girl

Jess: 12:51

I have all my boxes are showing up, but I'm like,

Randi: 12:53

Oh man, I am in, and I know you have closets full too. And then there's a lot of physical, yeah. There are symptoms that come with this too that we don't think about. And those can look differently for everybody too when the holiday blue is hit.

Jess: 13:08

Those are things like changes in appetite. Mm-hmm. You can either eat more or less; most of us eat more. Mm-hmm. Changes in sleep

Randi: 13:16

patterns. Yeah. And that's really common too, because the daylight hours are shorter. Mm-hmm. and we don't adjust. To like our sleep schedule on patterns for that. And so then our whole, like a body, chemistry gets thrown off because of that. Because it depends too. Stupid time change. I know it depends on where you're on the equator and how much sunlight you get, and all these things come into play that we don't think about. And

Jess: 13:40

it doesn't, These really do look like depression. They do. They're thinking about it. But it's like a temporary thing, right? Yeah. It's feelings of worthlessness and guilt, like being tired or more anxious. Those are all holiday

Randi: 13:54

blues. Yeah. Or just being like, I don't want to do any of it at all. Like when you've been so excited for it and now you're like there's like a gray area there, likening to yourself wanting to step back, and then there's like weight. Am I really just pulling away and isolating myself from everybody and everything?

Jess: 14:12

I know you get sad. Seasonal affect disorder. I do. We've talked about that. Mm-hmm. one of our first podcasts, so seasonal affect disorder is the type of depression that's related to changes in the seasons, for the people out there. And that has a lot to do with things like the light, the cold, and the right. The lack of vitamin D. Right? But what's the difference between that and holiday blues?

Randi: 14:34

Okay. Seasonal effective disorders commonly occur. SAD is actually diagnosable in the DSM-5, and they label it as a major depressive disorder with a seasonal pattern. So that is pretty much like every single, yeah, every single year during this season, your depression is going to hit harder than normal. About 5% of adults have this; it usually onsets. Anywhere between the ages of 18 and 30. And I would say mine came probably around after 30, or it depends on where you live. When I moved from a sunnier place to a place with less sunlight, I really noticed it coming into play more and more. And so this lasts like about 40% of the year, so it starts hitting more on November, December, and then into January and February. Yeah,

Jess: 15:32

I could see that. So I know that, like we've talked before, it's treated with light therapy. Mm-hmm. Vitamin D is one of them too, because we're not getting it. Yeah. So make sure you get your vitamins checked by your doctor. Yeah. So you know how much to take.

Randi: 15:48

Mm-hmm. Yeah. because they generally suggest the overall population take like 2000. What is it? Ui, iu, i, I don't know a day. So if you have a seasonal effective disorder, you're definitely going to want to up that. So it's good to talk to your doctor about that. they Say Vitamin B is good I personally take vitamin D and vitamin B. I use light therapy. I actually have a video of me using it. I can post it for you guys too, because you are supposed to use it between 10 and 20 minutes a day at a certain angle. I just keep it on my desk, like when I'm working, and put it on while doing psychotherapy. CBT therapy is really good too; you just kind of have somebody to talk through it. And things too, like making your overall environment brighter and sunnier, can help elevate your mood too. Open up all your windows. Don't I do

Jess: 16:41

Every morning I go through, through, I do go to, yeah. Open up all my blinds. I have changed all our bulbs in our house to these bright whites. My family is like, What are you doing? Mm-hmm. But I want'em all nice and bright during the winter. Yeah. Because when it's so dark here,. Yeah. And that's usually when we start adding things like our twinkle lights. And I bring out the. Ball thing with sparkly like mm-hmm. because I want to bring in a little warmth.

Randi: 17:06

Warmth, yeah. More cheap, even. It's just like the environment, as we were saying. Mm-hmm, I like the idea of warmth. I think. Like, we need that. And sometimes just feeling like your envelope in that coziness can help. And even getting outside to get a little bit of sunlight, like where we live, it can get really cold. Knowing this, but this is how Justin and I connected: we started walking during the winter months in our big puffy jackets. Yeah. In our big puffy jackets, beanies, gloves, and stuff, we both needed to get out of the house, get a little bit of sun, and move our bodies because the winter months can be really hard for us.

Jess: 17:44

Yeah. They're a lot harder than I thought they would be, to be honest, because of the weather. Yeah. But man, I love it. I sit by the window and do therapy, and I see these women out. Man, one of'em, she loves to walk the neighborhood, and she walks in her little, like little ice-crushing add-ons to her shoes.

Randi: 18:03

And you can hear her. Yeah. Can get little What are those spikes? Spikes they put on. I'd never seen those until we moved here. I was like, What are those? And

Jess: 18:10

I have a pair, but she's click, click, click, click, click every morning. And she's getting in her way. All of this is so stressful, and the weather is getting funky. How do we prevent this? It can

Randi: 18:22

be like when you're rolling down this hill of kind of holiday blues, or if you think you're moving into seasonal depression, it can be hard. Stop that train on the tracks. So you really have to be aware of these things and how they have affected you in the past so that, as you're moving forward, you can take these tools and utilize them better. And so the first step is acknowledging how the holidays really make you feel. Are they hard on you? It doesn't have to be this magical time. It can be difficult to be honest. I just do not like this holiday period. I don't like Christmas, and I don't like Hanukkah, whatever it is. I don't like December. I don't like the weather. That's okay. Own it and think, How can I? Flip this around for myself. It's also okay to be sad. It's okay to cry. It's okay to feel your grief. It's okay to talk about your feelings. Don't force yourself to be happy just because it's like the holiday season. Don't fake it till you make it. That's not going to help you. That's going

Jess: 19:31

Back to our toxic positivity, episode five, if you haven't heard that one yet. Mm-hmm. going back to that. Yeah. My. Doesn't like Christmas. He is not; he doesn't like the money being spent. He doesn't really like the tradition. He's the Grinch. Huh? Oh my gosh. Yeah. This year, we have shirts. We didn't get matching PJs, but I got us matching shirts, and his is literally the Grinch. We all have different, Grinch called it Yes. And he is; this is my jolly face. It's the Grinch making a face. But that's

Randi: 20:01

because they trigger him.

Jess: 20:03

It triggers him. And we've worked out between us that I like the holidays. I won't go over the top, but please don't also bring me down. And so we've found a nice balance

Randi: 20:15

and that's something Yeah, you have to compromise. Yeah. And that's a huge part of marriage, too. When you've been with somebody that long, it's like understanding them too, like the things that trigger them. They might not associate Christmas with happiness. That might be a horrible time for them in their lives. As a child or something like that, you don't know all the baggage everybody else carries with them.

Jess: 20:34

And so we've compromised, right? And so part of this is that we've talked and reached out to each other. Mm-hmm. We talked about what's going on, right? Mm-hmm. And that's the other part: if you're feeling like this, reach out to those around you. Friends or family, or your therapist, or your pastor, or whoever, and talk to them about

Randi: 20:53

or support group. Finding Grinch is our US support group. I'm sure there's one, like on Facebook somewhere; Grinch is ours. There's a group for everything. But if you're feeling that,. And you know that you need connection. Sometimes it is easy to just be like, Nobody's calling me, nobody's texting me. Nobody's reaching out to me. Make the first step sometimes. Yeah. Because that can be healing for you. Yeah. And let's be

Jess: 21:17

realistic. That's the other piece: be realistic. Everything is changing. We have found it since we've moved and then the pandemic. I really like being home on Christmas day with my kid and my jammies. That's a goal for us. Not traveling is awesome. It is. And we're not traveling anymore. Yeah. And it changed things.

Randi: 21:39

right? Yeah. But sometimes that's hard for other people to accept.

Jess: 21:42

right? Yes. Mm-hmm. The other family is, but I'm like, Mm, we really enjoy being home on Christmas in our jam. It changes. And so, just be realistic about your expectations or what you need.

Randi: 21:56

And like you were talking about too, you have an adult child, and it's like they might not be able to come home for Christmas. No, they won't be. They will have their own lives or their own things. They will be moving on too. And it's like understanding that too, you know, from both sides. And like you said, create a new pattern or tradition with them. Maybe you FaceTime with them. We instead Yeah, we do.

Jess: 22:16

We pop up our little Amazon. Face-time thingy. Mm-hmm. And he calls us and we, and he opens up the present from us. Yeah. Or we talk for a little bit. And then, as you had talked, I think the last episode was about a long present opening. Yeah. Mm-hmm. But we take time, and we set it aside for him.

Randi: 22:36

Just because it looks different doesn't mean you can't find joy in it or find a way to celebrate

Jess: 22:41

it. Yeah. I love it. I love you, and the other thing we sometimes do is make cookies with my mom, right? Mm-hmm. who's not in the same state. We'll either make cookies or buy cookies. Yeah.

Randi: 22:53

And then we'll save time. Yep.

Jess: 22:55

Buy cookies, and then we'll decorate'em, and she can decorate'em, and we can have a conversation. Cup of tea. Mm-hmm. There's no reason why we can't do the same thing together. And I think we learned that during the pandemic, actually, that's,

Randi: 23:09

Yeah. I like that. That is a fun idea, too. Sometimes you can take the time to set aside things like differences and or maybe even find forgiveness for them. It doesn't mean you have to forget things, but sometimes forgiveness is needed. It's not about the other person; it's about yourself too. Mm-hmm. and like laying that burden down for yourself. And sometimes you can find that kind of peace I feel during the holidays, or maybe to let it go and like maybe I'll touch base on that later. But, Or

Jess: 23:39

like politics. That's something to set us up. Side politics is like, Let's not talk about politics during the holidays.

Randi: 23:45

Yeah. Let's just make this a rule and like, it is a rule at our

Jess: 23:48

house. Mm-hmm., no politics at the dinner table. Mm-hmm, we will not go there. We love everybody for who they are, and we all get to make choices. Yeah. So Set aside those

Randi: 23:57

differences. Yeah. Another great tip is to stick to a budget, like What I know is that it's  really hard to do before you get into that debt hole. You don't want that. Think about what that is going to entail, and that can help you stick to your budget too. Don't; you can't buy happiness.

Jess: 24:19

No, you can't. I

Randi: 24:21

I mean, you can buy something temporary, like serotonin, which is my Amazon delivery every day. But, what about every day? Just kidding. But she's not kidding. There are other things, and you know what I find a lot of joy in: volunteering and buying things for those in need. Mm-hmm. over going crazy during the holidays. And that also helps me put things into perspective and stick to my budget. Yeah. I

Jess: 24:48

have friends that they'll say, Don't buy as gifts. Don't buy the kids gifts. Mm-hmm. We don't need anything. We make enough money. Mm-hmm, if you want to take, if you want to give. Donate in their name for their birthday, right? Yeah. And I was like, Okay, if you want to give because you feel like you want to give, then great. Pick a charity. Or they'll pick a charity and say, We are donating to this one. Yeah. Or

Randi: 25:12

put it in a college fund. Like we have a savings account for our kid. If you feel the need, put it in there. So what we do?

Jess: 25:17

for a lot of my daughters. Yeah. Like she doesn't need cash. Just put it in her savings account for her college fund, and there you go. Yeah. Which is great. Some families do like a gift exchange, so you're only buying one gift. Yes. Some families they'll do homemade gifts. Everybody brings in a gift. It's like that. Oh my gosh. The cookie exchanges. Do you ever do the

Randi: 25:37

cookie parties? Yes. I used to hold a cookie party every year. Of course I did what you did. I cut that out as one of the things that stressed me out, but I was thinking of doing it again this year. But just remind me. Okay. Cause I

Jess: 25:47

mean, that sounds like fun. No, it does. To, Everybody gets cookies because I'm not a great baker, but I can make chocolate chips. And then somebody else, I'll buy some or buy some, and then everybody else does something. That's a great idea. Mm. Planning

Randi: 25:59

ahead, right? That's, yeah, what we talked about earlier and stuff like consider your planning, your shopping, your budgeting, like all this stuff. Lay it out. So you see that in black and white. And then set aside like that time like okay, I'm gonna do, my baking on this day. Mm-hmm. I'm gonna do my shopping on this day. Like it really can help you when you don't leave things till last minute. I know a lot of us thrive on that. I'm gonna say AKA me because especially when I was undiagnosed adhd, like we do everything last minute cuz like we thrive off of the stress of that. But now, like the older I'm getting, I'm finding like that causes more chaos. Know, more

Jess: 26:39

anxiety. I'm like, Oh, I

Randi: 26:41

don't wanna do that. And depression and all that kind of stuff. So it's really, for me, planning out that I'm gonna get this stuff done and not doing it last minute have helped me combat like the holiday blues and my seasonal effect of disorder.

Jess: 26:53

And for me, if I plan it out, I can also budget better. Mm-hmm. like I can go, Okay, for Thanksgiving, I'll start talking here soon. What do we wanna have? Cause we Don't, Yeah.

Randi: 27:04

Especially with groceries and the cost of stuff right now. Yeah. If you can get it when it's, Sale earlier and not wait to when they jack up the prices. Yeah. Which is something I talk about a lot or like the sales cycles and stuff, is you will put yourself in a better position financially and the, and thus mentally too. Oh

Jess: 27:23

man. Last year I was just thinking it was a hot mess. I had to have those Christmas poppers. You, the crackers. Yeah. I had to have those and I dragged my. Down to the store. Yeah. Cause we were gonna get'em and it was like so busy that day. Mm-hmm. it was complete chaos. We got food to go. We're at like the Albertson's. Mm-hmm. got food to go and in the midst of all of this, she spills the food. Like we were chaos.

Randi: 27:52

Everything's just going wrong. Yeah. But I

Jess: 27:55

got my. But was it worth it? No. No. And that's what I was thinking. It was not worth it. She and I melted down. Yeah. And it was like, I should have planned better. And so those are, that's what's writing everything down, is to make sure that I've got my crackers this year. Cause I want my poppers.

Randi: 28:12

Cause you want'em and you don't wanna stress out. So now you're ahead of the game. Yeah. it's The same thing like my mom always. Like these chocolate oranges like in our store. Oh, I know what you're talking about. Yeah. And so I was always like, My kids need to have these chocolate oranges. I don't even like chocolate. I'm one of those weird people don't ask me. It makes me sneeze anyways. It's a whole thing. And my kids don't like them. And I was like, Why am I always stressing myself out that I need these, these oranges? We live in a place that doesn't have a lot of stock of things and you need we need to order most of our stuff online. But it's and I was like, they don't get. My kid doesn't eat the sugar. I don't like them. I'm not going to eat them. Like my husband doesn't like them. I'm like, Oh my God. Okay. Let it

Jess: 28:51

go. So it's okay to make new traditions

Randi: 28:54

is what I'm hearing. Yeah. And to say no to yourself too. Yeah. That's another one. Saying no overall Yes to extra things. Other people, extra work. Like your boss, your colleague that wants to push off some work on you. No, just say that. People

Jess: 29:07

that wanna show up that you're like, Not really. I don't, I don't have this space. If you have a hard time saying no, go back to episode six that we recorded about boundaries. Yes. That is a great one to go back and listen. Boundaries are amazing. Yeah. So the other one is don't let go of the healthy habits you're doing if you are walking or you're eating healthy. Mm-hmm. keep that with. I make sure that we both, I can't eat sugar. I don't, we don't eat gluten. And so when we go places, I make sure that they have food we can eat or I just bring it with us. Yeah. To make sure that there is something somewhat healthy. There is a meat and cheese tray that we can have. Yeah. Because sometimes people don't think like that. Mm. And so stick to your

Randi: 29:55

habits. and A lot of people use the holidays, let's be honest, as an excuse to backslide with their health. Like their habits, their drinking. Everybody was having a drink, you were being jolly. Everybody kept asking me or they didn't have any other options there for me to eat. And then I just ate this and I ate this and I ate this, and now I feel like shit. it's Okay, let's plan. What you can do. Don't use it as an excuse. Take care of yourself. Take care of your body, take care of your mind, take a breath so that you're not feeling like shit at the end of the holidays. You're not triggering your anxiety and your depression or your other mental health issues just because you decided to over-indulge in the.

Jess: 30:43

And one of the things I tell all of my clients is, if you're struggling with drinking too much, I want you to have a glass in your hand at all times, but I want you to replace it with water. Mm-hmm. right? And if you're somewhere that you're like, they'll look at me weird. If I have water, then just get like a tonic

Randi: 31:01

water with a water. Don't get a sparkling water. Sparkling water sparkling wa. The non-alcoholic juice, like they have, you know Right. Or whatever. Like I do that all the time. I'll just put a little something in my hand so I feel like I have it. Yeah. cuz I Feel like a lot of times we feel like we need like this prop or this crutch or so people don't comment about it. Yep. Because they do. And they'll be like, Why aren't you drinking? Can't you have a drink? Just have a, The pure pressure of it is like really weird. Especially with food too. Like what people will always be like, Why aren't you eating? Don't you wanna try this? Don't you wanna take a bite? Take a bite, take a bite. And it's No, no. Again, boundaries. Back to episode six. Boundaries. Listen to it. It's gonna be a good listen. It's gonna be on repeat for me too during the holidays. Like boundaries no, but

Jess: 31:43

yeah, it is such a good thing to always have a glass, right? Mm-hmm. And most of the time we're, we're thirsty, right? And so it's to have a glass that is non-alcoholic or if you want a, an alcoholic beverage, have one. But replace it with two glasses of water, No, two glasses of something and alternate. So that way you're just not slamming, drinks the whole time. I loved what you said about taking a breather. Yes. That is great. Step back, most people are not breathing. I think there's like a 500 page book just on breathing out there. Yeah, because people

Randi: 32:17

don't breathe and you can go to our YouTube channel and see how, just force me to box, breathe totally force her was great. And it's, it's so funny though because and I was talking about this too with a friend and they were like, Yeah, you are not a good breather. Cuz I was like, Jessica was like telling me like, I'm not doing it right. You were. And I was like, no, I know I'm not. I'm a very shallow breather. But ever since you've made me do that, I've been more conscious about it and taking the time to breathe. Even just that simple, her putting me. Spot making me breathe. I'm like thinking like chess would think I'm breathing really shitty right now. I need to breathe. But it's holding me like accountable to that. Like even for that five second clip we did or whatever.

Jess: 32:57

Yeah. And I love practicing breathing with people. Most people don't breathe. No, they don't breathe deep. And really, it's so relaxing for me to actually say, Okay, let's do it. No, no. You're not holding it. What makes you pause too? Yeah. So it's really a good thing that I do. But yeah, that video, I was watching it the other night when I was on our channel. Mm-hmm. I was laughing I was like, Yeah, I didn't even

Randi: 33:20

warn you about it. Oh, my God. We'll put the link up to our YouTube channel too. We've been throwing on some funny clips and stuff up there. Yeah. Us there. And even just taking a break. By yourself in the quiet or turning on music, whatever it is that looks for you. I don't like a lot of sounds, so I'll usually be like sit down 15 minutes, quiet to Zen out. But sometimes that can be like just screaming out loud to the music

Jess: 33:43

in the car. My daughter and I like to lay on the trampoline and look at the stars. Mm-hmm. sometimes we, we've done that a lot. We just lay there and check it out. Or we'll sit in the back of the pickup truck and look at the stars. Mm-hmm. Sometimes it's, it's taken my book and my cozy blanket and a cup of tea. Yeah. And hiding in my corner of my room

34:02

and

Randi: 34:02

reading. Yeah. And those don't things. Don't cost a lot. Nope. Get you a cute little blanket. You know they have'em for$5 at Walmart, Cozy up, and your book from the library. You

Jess: 34:13

can also take your bougie ass blanket and your bougie cup of tea. You can

Randi: 34:16

do whatever that

Jess: 34:17

looks like for you. And you can even mix and match'em too. Yeah, that's a cool thing. There's no judgment here. Oh yeah.

Randi: 34:23

I'm a big on high low. If you guys know, like I will wear like. Most expensive boots with a pair of jeans from Walmart. I'm all about that. So she will. She will. I will. I'll own it. She does.

Jess: 34:35

Okay. Last thing really truly is to get help, right? If you are not sure if you're just feeling holiday blues or if you're anxious, or if you're depressed, Talk to somebody like us who knows the difference because you wanna be able to get

Randi: 34:52

the help. Episode two, we talk about depression. Mm-hmm. And we also have a checklist on our website. So if you are thinking those things, and we also put on there how you can approach your doctor or professional, how to talk to them if you're like anxious about that and. That that can really help when you're seeking professional help. Yeah. And the

Jess: 35:10

other episode we had was episode seven for anxiety. Mm-hmm. So we've broken some of this down for you and we'll continue to break it down because really we want to end the stigma of mental health.

Randi: 35:22

Yep. We do. And with that you have to learn how to empower yourself. Mm-hmm. and that's why. We're really passionate about bringing these tools to you and bringing them to you free for the masses because we don't want there to be barriers for women to have access and to control their mental health and wellbeing.

Jess: 35:41

Beat the holiday blues ladies. You have this. Take care of yourself.

Randi: 35:45

Thank you all for tuning in, and remember to subscribe, rate, and leave a comment on the Women's Mental Health Podcast so you'll never miss an episode.

Jess: 35:53

And remember, you are not alone, we're in this together, and we're here to support you every step of the way, and we want everyone to have a safe and wonderful holiday season.