Stay Calm, Stay Strong: Protect Your Peace

Randi: 0:14

Welcome to the Women's Mental Health Podcast with Randi and Jess. We're two licensed psychotherapists, and we talk about mental health, well-being, and strategies for coping with life's ups and downs. And

Jess: 0:25

how it's all normal.

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today we're delving into a topic that's crucial for every woman for today we're delving into a topic that's crucial for every woman out there, the importance of protecting your peace.

Jess: 0:38

Oh, that is so big right there. That has come up so much this last couple of weeks of just protecting your peace. So this episode we're going to emphasize the importance of protecting your peace for your mental health. We're going to offer some insights. Some strategies for implementation

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and then we're going to talk about recognizing when to step back, how to set boundaries and prioritizing your self care so that you can foster your mental health and your emotional well being while guarding your peace.

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So find us and more resources on womensmentalhealthpodcast. com.

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Have you ever had these

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thoughts? Why is it important to protect your

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peace? How does protecting my peace benefit my mental health? What are some

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signs that indicate I really need to protect my peace?

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How can you establish healthy boundaries to protect your peace? What role

Jess: 1:30

does self care play in protecting my

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peace? How can you navigate toxic relationships and guard your peace?

Jess: 1:38

Oh, that's a good one right there. How can you protect your peace in a busy, fast paced

Randi: 1:43

world? Can social media impact your peace of mind? And if so, how can you protect yourself from that? We're

Jess: 1:52

going to say, yeah, it totally can. How can you protect your peace in challenging situations or conflicts with others or

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work? How do you stay committed to protecting your peace when faced with obstacles? Yeah.

Jess: 2:08

Okay. So first, what does protecting your peace actually mean? Because that's not something we normally say, but it's been popping up. It's

Randi: 2:16

like a little bit of a buzzword right now. So really, we're going to dive into the meaning of that. So protecting your peace involves intentionally and mindfully. Safeguarding your mental and emotional well being while stress and life is raging all around you.

Jess: 2:37

It is so important to safeguard this mental well being and protecting your peace. Especially

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as a woman. Yeah, it

Jess: 2:46

is. It's so important. It's about creating boundaries that shield you from your negati from your negativity. Well,

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maybe.

Jess: 2:53

It can be, yeah. From negativity and stress and these constant demands of life, especially us as moms and women out there. Yeah. If

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we don't have these protective strategies around us, like boundaries. We can feel very overwhelmed, stressed, or face burnout. And yeah, and that can lead to more mental health issues like weight gain or anxiety, depression also mood swings so when we're a woman, we're constantly juggling expectations, responsibilities, and our own personal goals that we and if we can actually put our

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personal

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goals out there, my gosh, and so that really depletes our emotional reserves and our mental reserve. Sometimes we feel like we have nothing left.

Jess: 3:42

And what I love about the idea of guarding your peace, it involves recognizing when you need to step back, right? It creates those healthy boundaries and that saying no is necessary.

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Remember, no is a full sentence. Yeah, no.

Jess: 3:58

It is a full sentence and you don't have to explain it because that's part of the boundary piece. we're not taught as women that we can actually say no.

Randi: 4:07

We're supposed to just keep taking it on, yes, yes, yes, just do it all and just keep going until we have a mental breakdown. No, we're stopping that right now. And Jess just did this in her personal and professional life too. She was headed towards burnout. And it was like, okay, what are you going to do and she made some changes and she is feeling

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two weeks of it. I'm already feeling so much

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better. And I can even see it. It's like a weight has been lifted off of you. And so she prioritized herself and she set expectations for herself and her family that this change was going to happen. And she Made it

Jess: 4:46

happen. Yeah. And I'm delegating. I'm not taking on everything like kin keeping. We divide up the tasks and I'm like, somebody needs to take care of their dishes. If you're going to make it, you need to do it. Dishes are a big deal in our house. I know I talk about it a lot, but they're always, they're always there. They're always constant. It's always evolving. It's like

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stupid nagging. thing. Yeah. I hate chores. Anyways.

Jess: 5:08

But yeah, I just, I decided what I wanted to do and prior prioritized. I can never say it. Yeah. Myself. And what I needed for me and my family, because I found I was getting grumpy.

Randi: 5:21

Yeah. And so that's what we're talking about is like, when you don't guard yourself, you don't set boundaries, you don't protect your peace. It exacerbates things like anxiety, depression, not only that, but Physical things like your body starts feeling tense or your body can become inflamed or Like you said you just become more moody and then that affects all your relationships and your work and your friendships And so then everything is compromised you know and so You really need to develop a toolbox of strategies. Yes. And that includes regular self care activities, and if you think self care is like getting a massage, go back and listen to our self care episodes. Just go to our website and put in self care and it'll pull them up. Mindfulness practices, setting aside time for things that bring you joy, like whether that's hobbies or crafting or.

Jess: 6:14

activities, running, whatever it is that you need. One of the things I love about we live in a pretty Pacific Northwest where it's cold right now. And so when the sun comes out, we start to see all of our neighbors and everybody starts gardening and everybody starts having a garden. And it just, it's all of a sudden you get to set aside time. I could get lost for like two hours talking to neighbors when, when spring comes along. And that to me is important to check in and say hi. And to see how everybody's doing, and that is protecting my peace. Mm hmm. If I don't, if I don't have it to talk to people, girl, I gotta leave my garage door down. Because if I have my garage door

Randi: 6:53

open That's also protecting your peace. Yes. That's a boundary, because, or I don't have time for this right now, but I do need to make time for it because it does bring me joy. Yes. I feel a lot of times we feel like these things are maybe frivolous, like, why should I take the time to walk down the street and talk to my neighbor? But if that fills your cup Fills my cup. That is a tool and use it. It's not frivolous. It's important and also like the importance of learning to say no without guilt. I think a lot of times we can get pressure from family or friends, even work obligations, and we don't know how to say no and learning to say no without the guilt.

Jess: 7:32

And if, yeah, if you're not comfortable just saying, no, I don't want to do that, you can say, unfortunately, I'm not going to be able to do that. And if somebody says, well, why not? Your response is, I'm just not. The thing about boundaries is that you don't have to explain yourself.

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You could just say, Oh, anybody an explanation for anything that you do? Absolutely

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not. And so that's what a lot of times I'll say, unfortunately, I'm not able to do that. Why not? I'm just not. Or I'll say, that's not going to work for me. Why not? It just is

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not. And learning to do this, it also helps that you have a supportive network that's going to help you get through this. That'll be like, girl, you can say no it's okay. Or you don't have time for that. Friends that will also call you out on your shit, but also support you when you're doing something good but also when you're doing something detrimental to yourself, like maybe you need to go. Take a 15 minute breather and it's okay. People that empower you in learning to protect your peace are very important to in this journey. And you want people who

Jess: 8:33

protect their

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peace too. Yeah, you can learn from them as an example too. So you want to be, you want to surround yourself with people that are where you want to be. So you can get on the level they are and they can help you and mentor you. Because it

Jess: 8:49

can be chaos out there, but as long as you are safeguarding your piece and you are setting aside time for you, you don't have to be part of that chaos out there. You don't, you don't have to. So Randy, let me ask you, why is it important to protect

Randi: 9:04

your piece? Because it helps you maintain your overall emotional and physical well being, it allows you to reduce stress, it increases your resiliency when you feel contentment and at peace with yourself, and it really helps cultivate that positive mindfulness and mindset. When you prioritize yourself, you're prioritizing your peace, and that can improve your overall mental health, your relationship, your communication, your work life, your everyday life. Yeah,

Jess: 9:36

the relationship piece there, I have been more present. Like you had said, in the last two weeks, I changed some things up.

Randi: 9:42

Yeah, when you're not constantly feeling a drain on you, you can give more to where it's important.

Jess: 9:48

Exactly. And I felt I wasn't being able to give it here at home, right? And I wanted to be able to give it at home instead of being like, yep, all right, fine. And

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so Putting your blinders on. That's why I

Jess: 9:59

was just going, yeah. And so it is protecting my peace so I can give me where I want to

Randi: 10:05

give me. So that leads into how does protecting your peace then benefit your mental health? Well,

Jess: 10:11

she just said it. Yeah I, it's, when you prioritize your self care and set your boundaries it helps you manage stress and reduce anxiety and, and maintain a healthy emotional

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balance.

Randi: 10:24

Yeah, and reduces burnout.

Jess: 10:26

Yeah, it really does. And it just, you're creating this safe space for yourself. And that is, I think the theme of the year is creating a safe space for yourself where you can enhance your mental health and experience increased happiness and fulfillment. That's really what we want. I really do think that's the theme this

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year. I think that's a good theme. Let's make that, we're making that a thing. That's a

Jess: 10:50

thing. Randy, what are some signs that indicate you need to protect your peace?

Randi: 10:56

So this is really where it's important to listen to yourself and pay attention to your mood and your physical symptoms. You could have feelings of being overwhelmed. You could be really irritable, like you're snapping at people, constantly feeling drained, which is what we were talking about. Like Jess, she felt like that. You may also notice that you're having a hard time focusing or you're not sleeping well, or maybe you're sleeping too much, or you just like overall are not finding enjoyment. and things that you used to find enjoyment in, like you don't really want to go out with your friends. You don't want to do activities that you normally find happiness with. So really tune into yourself and trust your gut and your intuition. See if there's any patterns going on and listen to what your mind and your body are telling you. As a woman. We are very well known for pushing that aside, powering through powering through and then ending up in the hospital or sick or like, I just have walking pneumonia right now because I wasn't listening to my body.

Jess: 12:01

And I was sick the week before her, yeah, two weeks

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before her because you could tell that we were burning we were burning ourselves out. So just how can you establish healthy boundaries to protect your peace? Oh, I

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love boundaries.

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We look go check out our episode on

Jess: 12:18

boundaries boundaries and boundaries start by understanding what your values and needs are That is the very first thing you have to figure out what you stand for what your needs are And then communicate those needs assertively and kindly because what you're doing is like you're saying what you will and won't tolerate. You're telling people how to treat you and how you want to be treated with

Randi: 12:44

boundaries. I literally have to think of like putting a fence up. And that or a shield up and I'm protecting myself and these words that I'm saying are and that needs to be respected like you would not expect like somebody to just come take an axe to your fence and start breaking it down without talking to you. Would you like? No, that's what people

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do. And that's like what you tell them. No,

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you would be like psychopath murder. But we allow people to do that to our mental and emotional boundaries all the time.

Jess: 13:14

Part of it is that you have to be brave, right? You've got to be ballsy and you've got to get out there to

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say no. You need to be authentic with yourself.

Jess: 13:23

You do. Authentic with yourself. Learn to prioritize what you need and get rid of guilt. Guilt is such a wasted emotion. I know. So

Randi: 13:33

we're Stupid emotion. It is. Like, why? Yeah, you can have remorse if you've done something really horrible and you know you're in the wrong and you need to communicate that, but I feel like so much of the guilt we carry is just from society and it's just like this, it's somebody else

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putting it on us. I shoulda,

Randi: 13:50

coulda, just let that you hang yourself with and it's like, why? Yeah. Okay. Anyways. All right. All right. Well,

Jess: 14:00

Brandy. What role does self care play in protecting

Randi: 14:04

your peace? When you learn to put yourself first, that's self care. And you learn to incorporate activities that really nourish your mind, your body, your soul, and you practice that, and you practice mindfulness, and you Practice being present, and you practice good communication, and you engage in things that bring you joy, whether that's a hobby or a craft, and you surround yourself with people that love those things too, and taking care of your sleep hygiene, and just overall your physical and mental well being. you are protecting your peace. And again, self care is not selfish. It's necessary. I think that a lot of times because we think self care is frivolous and or that's attached to a face mask or like a facial or like a bubble bath and it's not. It's anything that brings you joy, happy, peace, all of those things that you just said. I love those things.

Jess: 15:03

Like a face mask or a bubble bath. Yeah. I do that in my bathroom by

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myself. Yeah, you can do DIY at home. It doesn't have to cost

Jess: 15:11

a thing. No, no, it's not about the cost. That's, that's how I literally can get peace.

Randi: 15:15

I lock myself in the bathroom. Yes, and

Jess: 15:17

that is, that is literally setting a boundary and protecting your peace when you're like, I need to go have a bubble bath. Because it's not like people are going to come talk to you, typically,

Randi: 15:27

well, I have to lock my kids out because they would, but yeah, but that's a way that leading into this, like, how do we protect your peace in a busy, fast paced world? Well, because things like this, like Jess was talking about and,

Jess: 15:41

and yeah, set these realistic expectations and practice time management. Randy's got this thing, what do you call it on your phone? I just put it on mute, but you do like a do not

Randi: 15:52

disturb focus. So if you have an Apple phone, an iPhone, they have a focus thing so you can do now they have even more. You can do meditation, you can do work, you can do personal time, you can do driving and do do not disturb and it I have it set to like if there's an emergency with my kids or my partner, like it'll ring through but like for anyone else, it just mutes all my notifications and the flashing and the buzzing and the noise on my phone because I would never get anything done. Practicing that helps me manage my time so I'm not distracted,

Jess: 16:22

right? So create these moments of stillness, even if it's just for a few minutes each day. There's something about meditating and just being in the moment. Like I start my day each day with a cup of coffee and I sit at my desk. And I just check in with myself and what's going

Randi: 16:40

on. Yeah, and I've started just doing one minute of mindfulness or breathing exercises because sometimes I just feel so overwhelmed I can't but I'm like one minute I can handle. I break it down so it's so tiny that I can't really ignore it and it feels Easy because if it's too much, I'm just gonna not do it. And that allows me. I also was thinking, I, since my son has ADHD, too, I've always used a visual timer with him. And I was like, I need an adult visual timer. And I recently just got one off of Amazon, too, because I was like, I needed something that I could, that I could physically see and see the time and move around and know that I was only giving myself this amount of time to get things done. it Was just a Something that I needed to implement to help myself in this fast paced, busy world that this time is allotted for my mindfulness or my journaling or whatever it is.

Jess: 17:32

Well, and sometimes you can even do things like finding different activities that really ground you. And so sometimes walking on your grass barefoot. Yeah. Oh my gosh. We walk in shoes all the time, right? Find what grounds you and just go do it. It

Randi: 17:50

doesn't feel like I went out in stargaze like the other night. Like I put that, I was like I really like that. And why haven't I done that? And I don't even know how long. So I just went outside It allowed me to feel. I

Jess: 18:02

love the hammock during warmer months. I love sitting out in the hammock and reading a book or listening to my book. It just feels so nice just to be out there doing that. And so it is, maybe it's going on a walk. Maybe it's, you know what I read the other day? I read that if you, if you have a dog, if you talk to your dog and you make eye contact with your dog while you're talking to your dog, it releases oxytocin, not only for you, but also your dog. Wow. Yeah. So if you sit there and you like talk to your dog and make eye contact and just have a conversation.

Randi: 18:36

Like they say talking to your plants and stuff helps them grow and things like that.

18:40

I

Jess: 18:40

don't know. I had a philosophy class in undergrad that said it didn't. So once I stopped talking to my plants, they all died. Yeah. So what happened was I would talk to them. It means I was actually watering them. No. Yeah. So I was like, all my plants died. Those are the things where you take moments in nature just to be present.

Randi: 18:59

that can also affect your circadian rhythm and your sleep and your patterns just. I'm not getting grounded or getting a deep breath of fresh air. Sometimes we're just go, go, go from one building to another or don't even leave our house sometimes, especially those of us that work from home. Oh yeah, you're like, I don't think I've

Jess: 19:17

showered in three days and I haven't left the house in

Randi: 19:19

five. Exactly. Like I need to brush and floss my teeth and like maybe put some dry shampoo on my hair, but. How can social media then impact our peace of mind, and how can we really guard against those things?

Jess: 19:32

Oh, yeah. again, I'm going to say setting boundaries, Recognizing what your triggers are, and really limiting your exposure to what's negative. If you are triggered by crime shows, Don't watch crime shows. If you're triggered by watching TikTok late at night, yeah you know, me and my Pinterest don't do that. Set a limit for yourself. If I find myself on, I don't know if I have even have TikTok on my phone because I'd sit there and next thing you know, it's two in the morning scrolling.

Randi: 20:02

Yeah.

Jess: 20:02

And it's oh, I can't do that. I can't do that. And so part of it is just really taking regular breaks from social media. And that doesn't mean you have to delete it. It doesn't mean you have to You know, it just means, okay, fine, I'm not going to go on it, but it's really hard because that's how

Randi: 20:17

A lot of us find connection with that. And I think that we let that ground us in a way, but it doesn't fill us up. In grounding, though, we're dissociating, which is, sorry, that's a therapist term, but we're not connecting. We're disconnected when we're dissociating. And that allows us a reprieve from like, our life and maybe in stress. you need to give yourself, a limit because you don't want to Totally disconnect with everything.

Jess: 20:44

Exactly. And so part of this is like where we live a lot of people, it's like, it feels cause Pacific Northwest, I don't know, we're just backwards or something still we still all connect through Facebook. Yeah. And so it's funny. Cause they'll send them

Randi: 20:57

because we're older. Oh yeah, we are older. So we're still on like the Myspace Facebook train.

Jess: 21:04

I no longer have a Myspace, thank

Randi: 21:06

you. I know, nobody does,

Jess: 21:08

Maybe I still do. But yeah, and so part of it is just connecting like that is, reaching out, but putting a limit on it. And maybe that's it. Like in the morning when I have my coffee, I'll check in. Not that I need to know what's going on in the world I don't know. Let's see what Randy was posting last night or what she and the kid did or whatever. But then I'll also follow up

Randi: 21:28

with a text. Yeah. Yeah. We also talk to each other Oh, I saw you posted this or this happened or we tell each other, but then we're like, Oh yeah, I saw that on your social media. because we're still have connection outside of that. And I think that's important that you're still fostering your friendships and your relationships outside of social media as

Jess: 21:48

well. Mm hmm, exactly. Randi, how can you protect your peace in challenging situations or conflicts?

Randi: 21:54

This is hard, especially if it's like something with a relationship or a friendship or a family member or work and there's a really big conflict. You really need to work on effective communication. Active listening, like giving that person the time to say what they need to say, but then digesting it and communicating back to like your feelings and needs and having empathy for yourself and others.

Jess: 22:22

real quick, active listening. That is such a therapy word. What is

Randi: 22:27

active listening? So it is breaking it down, it's when you are actively involved and listening to the other person. You're present, you're hearing them, you're repeating back to them what they're saying. So you're clarifying that you are hearing them, that you're on the same page. same page that you are understanding them, asking for clarification if you don't understand. So really being present, like a lot of times we're looking at our phone, we're doing something else. It's not being busy with other things, it's not being distracted, it's actually looking at the person, hearing what they're saying, seeing them, seeing the, their emotions on their face. And then communicating with them about it.

Jess: 23:09

one of the hints is that if you're already forming a thought and you're getting your conversation, you're thinking ahead, you're not actively listening. In order to actively listen, you have to focus on them. And then when they stop, you're supposed

Randi: 23:24

to formulate your thought. 99 percent of people do not active. Listen, Jess and I know how, because we've been trained, because we are therapists, and it takes a lot of training, and it takes a lot of effort, a lot of concentration. Even as a

Jess: 23:39

therapist. Yes. Because sometimes you're like, oh, oh, oh.

Randi: 23:42

And you have to like, whew. or this is not about me. You do not make it about you when you are actively listening to somebody else. Yeah, a lot of

Jess: 23:50

people do that though. A lot of people. Okay. So how do you stay committed and protecting your peace when faced with obstacles then?

Randi: 23:57

So when you have these obstacles that pop up, whether it's a conflict or an obstacle in your life, you need to remember why you are protecting your peace and the benefits that you are getting out of prioritizing your mental health, your well being, and your self care. And when you surround yourself with these thoughts and you surround yourself with a community of like minded people, or you seek professional help to help guide you on your walk through this, then you'll be able to get through these setbacks because you have practiced you have self compassion you have used the tools in your toolbox to guard your peace and set boundaries and that you know that you are growing and you are on this path for growth and healing and And one of these

Jess: 24:47

things that I want to point out is that an obstacle can be a family member. If you have a family member, I have a bio father that I don't talk to. I haven't, I've talked to maybe three times since I've been 18. I don't like him. He's not somebody that I want in my life or in my child's life. And so I protected my peace by setting a very healthy goal. Boundary with him. And I am okay with that. I'm very okay because every time I let it go, it's like guilt about it. I don't have any guilt about it. I made a choice. And so you can set that boundary and protect your piece even with family members. And I think Randy and I probably need to explore that more so

Randi: 25:28

in a different podcast with toxic family members We did talk about it a little bit and like red flags for toxic friendships and that can be the same with family members, but we probably need to dive into that a little bit more. Yeah. Cause so many people

Jess: 25:44

don't think they should be allowed to set boundaries with their family or

Randi: 25:48

not talk to people. Yeah. They feel like, well, we're blood, like my sister's adopted. So I have a hard time with that because she is. She's your family. She is my family and even her partner has challenged that in ways and I get very bristly about it because she's been my baby sister since for forever and I don't see the difference a lot of people feel like because you're blood or you're this or you're that or your family

Jess: 26:14

just because you're family

Randi: 26:15

Yeah, they have access to you in some way and they can treat you negatively or they can make decisions for you or that They have a

Jess: 26:24

right to your peace

Randi: 26:26

and they don't. Let's be honest most trauma comes from family most things that are horrible happen from somebody we know. So we need to learn to protect ourselves from people we are supposed to trust.

Jess: 26:40

And I want to say. If most of us mamas will protect our children and we'll mama bear up, but you are just as worthy as your child for you to mama bear up for yourself

Randi: 26:51

really, truly. I feel like when you protect your peace, you're protecting your inner child that maybe have not gotten that protection. Oh yeah, maybe I just got you gave me goosebumps. Good job, Randy.

Jess: 27:05

Let's protect our peace. Let's take proactive steps towards achieving emotional balance and mental wellness. Your wellbeing is important and we're here, Randy and I are here to support you. every step of the way, let's break the stigma around mental health and let's empower each other to protect our peace.

Randi: 27:27

And we really hope that this episode inspired you to prioritize your peace, guard your heart, and take intentional steps towards guarding your mental health and your well being. Remember, protecting your peace is not a luxury. It's a necessity for you. Yes,

Jess: 27:44

and you deserve a life filled with peace and joy and some sanity.