Embracing Your Worth: A Journey to Self-Love and Empowerment

Randi: 0:14

Welcome back to the Women's Mental Health Podcast, where Randi and Jess, two licensed psychotherapists, talk about mental health, well-being, strategies for coping with life's challenges, and how it's all normal. You

Jess: 0:25

are not alone. Today we're going to dive into an empowering and essential topic: discovering your

Randi: 0:32

worth. This episode is aimed at exploring the importance of understanding your worth, how it impacts your mental health, and strategies to cultivate and embrace your self-worth.

Jess: 0:43

This topic came up in our house recently, so I was so excited. Getting close to Yeah, I was like, Let's do this. You can find us and more. resources on womensmentalhealthpodcast.com

Randi: 0:55

com, and it's linked below in our description.

Jess: 0:57

Have you ever

Randi: 0:58

had these thoughts? Why is understanding one's worth important for women's mental health?

Jess: 1:04

How does a lack of self-worth impact us as women? How

Randi: 1:07

Can I cultivate and embrace more self-worth for myself?

Jess: 1:11

What are signs of low self-worth?

Randi: 1:14

Can my self-worth be improved?

Jess: 1:16

How can understanding my self-worth impact my

Randi: 1:20

relationships? How can low self-worth and low self-esteem affect my career?

Jess: 1:26

Can low self-worth impact my overall well-being?

Randi: 1:30

Are there resources or tools that can help me on my journey towards self-worth?

Jess: 1:35

Hmm, I think it's interesting you said self-esteem too. I think sometimes we think they're different things or they're the same things, right?

Randi: 1:42

Yeah, I think that they go hand in hand. I think when I think of self-esteem, I lean more towards, maybe, physical things. Okay. but they bleed together. I feel and have self-worth. I feel like my overall Being and what I have to offer Sometimes

Jess: 2:06

yeah, I like Have you seen that shirt that says, No, you're worth an ad tax? Yeah,

Randi: 2:10

I love I tell my daughter that all

Jess: 2:11

I think if we knew our own worth, like how much we are worthy of and how much we bring to the table, how much we bring to the table just for being ourselves, that is what would increase our self-esteem.

Randi: 2:23

Yeah. When you learn to love yourself and value yourself, others see that and value it too.

Jess: 2:30

Hmm. So understanding your worth is crucial for our mental health and self-care, especially as women in our society. Knowing our worth means recognizing and valuing our intrinsic value, our strengths, and our boundaries. Those are all the three things that I think really go into this, right?

Randi: 2:52

It's about understanding that your worth is not. Tied to any external validations like achievements or opinions, but comes from within. I think that's the thing: a lot of times we tie our self-worth to checking off these lists, these achievements, these awards, or what maybe a partner has done and we feel or like our kids are doing. That doesn't have anything to do with your self-worth. It needs to come from within, and that place comes from your soul. So your soul feels good.

Jess: 3:25

And I want to repeat what Randy just said: that our self-worth comes from within. We are the ones who determine our

Randi: 3:33

self-worth. Yeah. Nobody else has a say in that. Mm-Hmm. And when it comes to mental health diagnoses,. There's so many that are associated with struggles related to self-worth, like depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem, so many of those things all kind of congregate there.

Jess: 3:52

And a lot of this leads to feelings of inadequacy, right? Self-doubt, a tendency to prioritize other people's needs over others. How many people, and probably us, who will raise our hands, have put other people's needs before ours because we felt they were more important?

Randi: 4:09

Oh, yeah. 99 percent of the time, especially when I was younger. Now, not so much. It's very hard to balance that when you have children, too, because you feel like you should always prioritize them, and I've had to learn that it needs to be, like, myself. My relationship with my partner and then my kids—it's that

Jess: 4:30

The whole airplane thing we've talked about before is that when the oxygen mask comes down, you put on yours, and then you put on your children, because if you don't take care of yourself, you can't take care of anybody else. And we talked about that in our caregiving episode. What was that like? Episode three is way back when season

Randi: 4:47

one. Yeah, but there are ways to cope with and improve your self-worth. So you really need to develop self-awareness. Yeah. and practice a lot of self-compassion and setting healthy boundaries. Those are the foundations that you need to build

Jess: 5:03

with. And those are things we talk about, like it's really super easy. Those are all really hard things, right? Setting healthy boundaries is right, right? Practicing self-compassion for yourself.

Randi: 5:16

We're so mean to ourselves. Our inner dialogue with ourselves is like, Why do you do that again, bitch? You're worthless. You're fat. You know what I mean. We would never say that stuff out loud to a friend, but we talk that way to ourselves. I

Jess: 5:29

I heard my daughter say last week that I'm dumb. She said it twice. And I was like, I'm not calling you dumb. I've never said that. You're so brilliant. Why are you calling yourself dumb? Yes. Okay. What you did was silly, but that's silly versus dumb, or you weren't thinking, or you were tired. I was like, but

Randi: 5:45

That's not dumb. And I try to tell my kids too that there's no such thing as a bad mistake. It's all you learn from that. And you grow from that.

Jess: 5:54

Yeah, that's that whole failing forward idea, right? I started this board business where I make these charcuterie boards, and they're freaking amazing and so fun. And guess what? People are like, Well, how'd you learn how to do that? I was like, I failed forward. I figured out what not to do

Randi: 6:08

After an entire year, I had to throw out a bunch of boards, but now the ones I make are great because of the process of elimination, right? I learned

Jess: 6:15

how to do it. And guess what? I learned by failing, right? And that's not a bad thing. And I think our society teaches that.

Randi: 6:23

No, and it's not. I feel like there's no such thing as true failure because you learn so much from failure and how not to do it. If you didn't fail, how would you know? Eventually,  you would learn. Yeah. So you have to try and not be scared of trying and not be scared of falling, not be scared of failing. That's where I feel like true growth comes from. So engaging in activities that bring you joy, Jess started this because she just wanted to learn a new craft, a new hobby, and then found Oh my gosh, I'm really good at this. People really

Jess: 6:58

like it, and they're buying it. And I've got like orders on hand, and I'm like, wow. Cause I

Randi: 7:04

feel like when you work through those things, even when you fail, but you find joy in it and you're doing it like. That's what success is, as well as when you surround yourself with people who are supportive of what you're doing, and those things help build up your self-worth. You also have a safe place to land and talk about it in therapy with a therapist, a counselor, or a friend. friend, really, that is there, and you can do this. When I came over, I saw what Jess was doing, and I was like, This is so amazing. I like what you're doing. This is so beautiful. I was showing her pictures to everybody. Like you want that for yourself. Like somebody who's like, This is so cool. And, like, can I share your stuff? If you don't have that,. I

Jess: 7:56

You're right. That's not who you want to surround yourself with, and what I've shared before is that my daughter had a friend that I was like. Is she choosing you? Choose people who choose you; choose people who bring you up; choose people who engage with you and make you feel good about yourself. You don't want friends . who pick at you or who make you feel yucky, because that is not what helps you.

Randi: 8:22

worth. So you need to acknowledge your own strengths and the things that are good about you, and you need to have people that also acknowledge that and know that you are so resilient. We have been through so many things in our lives, and you're still standing here. Just tell yourself I'm still here. I'm still standing. I can still take another step forward. I have something to give this world, and I celebrate those achievements, big or small. And when you do those things, you'll notice that your self-worth starts building up more

Jess: 8:59

and more. And what's really interesting is that when you feel good about yourself, not just like I have a cute outfit on or my hair looks good, but when you feel good about who you are, yeah, who you are as a person,. And it's like the world can see it. One of my favorite poems is by Miriam Wilson. I think I've read it before. I'm not sure. But it talks about who you are and why you should not let your light shine. Because half the time, what we're afraid of is being shown

Randi: 9:30

up. And I found that when I spoke up, spoke out and was my true self, I pulled other people in. To me, they needed that, or they were like, Oh my god, I've gone through that too, and I didn't know, and I thought I was alone, which is again why Jess and I started this podcast because we felt like so many women were like, I'm alone in this, and we're like, you're not alone. Like we've gone through this, we've struggled with this too. You don't need to be in a corner feeling like there's nothing for you. We have all struggled with some of this at some point in our lives, and we need to reach out to others and let them know. And when I share stuff that is dark, devastating, and hurtful and let people know that this is how life really is—not the Instagram version, not the Pinterest version, the real version—people are like, Oh my God, thank you. And I always thought, Oh my God, how embarrassing that would be. But No. It's not. People respect that.

Jess: 10:36

Randi didn't even trip today. She comes over because we're in my podcast room and, like, there's a million empty Amazon boxes in my hallway because apparently the gifts showed up and there's a wrapping station going. I feel like my house is torn apart from what it normally is. She didn't even flinch. Oh no. She was just like, okay, whatever. I can just step over this. We're good. Yeah. And it's not like it's dirty, but

Randi: 10:57

No, but you want friends who don't come into your home and they don't. Like, why would I care that you have boxes in your hallway? Like, why would I like? I mean, I have boxes in my hallway, so you know, like your house. But, yeah, so, and I used to be crazy; nobody could come into my house before unless it was perfect. Now, I don't care. My house is perfect; it doesn't exist. Yeah, it doesn't. But I would like to scrub everything screaming at my kids, and I'm like, you know, why am I trying to impress them? If they don't like me with my house dirty or with my Amazon boxes everywhere, I don't need them, but that makes people feel, I think, okay, then, oh, well, you can come over to my house, too, because it's the same way my house is

Jess: 11:38

lived in. Yeah, exactly. We live in the house, and occasionally, we will, we go through, it gets put back together, it falls apart, it gets put back together, because we actually all live here, and we all have our own things going on, and we're all doing our own things. And so, I don't base my self-worth on. On what my house looks like. Right. I

Randi: 11:56

I don't base my self-worth on whether there's dishes in the sink, if there's laundry in the hallway, or if my dogs are all over the place being crazy. That's just part of life. and I think that's one of the tools you have to utilize when you are working on your self-worth: challenging the negative thoughts and self-talk that you have and really practicing talking to yourself. It is nicer to challenge those thoughts and practice gratitude for what you do have, what you are achieving, and who you are right now. And you don't have to be where you think you should be. You don't have to be where you were in the past. Just being okay with where you are right now and engaging in affirmations that. This is okay. This is good. You are worthy of flipping the script on yourself. I feel it is so powerful when you start talking to yourself kindly. It's amazing. We were

Jess: 12:55

in the car the other day, and I asked my daughter, I was like, man, are you going to look back and think your mom was a nut? I'm always off doing something. No, I'm going to look back and think my mom was pretty cool. Yeah. I was like, Oh, okay. Don't let her see the tear. But then she was also like, Yeah. She goes, and the friends you have—you guys are all amazing, and you're all strong. And she starts naming off some of my friends—my friends who I love. And she's like, You are all so strong. And she says, and you know, and she. You are one of them, Brandy, that got mentioned. Now you're going to make me cry. I know. She says, and Brandy says, she is just so strong, and she says what she wants to say and what she thinks. And she's so powerful. And

Randi: 13:37

That's so powerful that we can give our kids that.

Jess: 13:39

Right. My 13-year-old. And then she called another friend of mine, and she went, yeah. And she's. Fierce. And I mean that, and she means that in a great way. And I'm like, wow. I mean, That's really cool that she can see that we, we are, we know our self-worth, we work towards what we want, we are who we are and we're very, very good with

Randi: 13:59

ourselves. Yeah. What more can we ask then that, and I've thought that too, like, gosh, how much am I effing up my kid, and my daughter is going to be 18 this year, but she'll be. Mom, and like my friends think, you know this about you and compared to other people's parents, and I'm like, Oh, okay, I'm doing okay. Yeah, you're

Jess: 14:21

doing great. That's not how you value yourself, right? That's the stuff that's still looking at, like the other stuff, right? But because you know what your self-worth is,. That is what she sees. Because you are strong, you are confident, and you know that you are worthy. And I'm going to tell all y'all out there that you are worthy just for who you are right now. Wherever it is that you're sitting—in that car, in that kitchen, on your walk—you are worthy just because you

Randi: 14:51

are you. Say it. Say it right now. Say, I am worthy. Say it again. I am worthy. Keep telling yourself that. Until you believe

Jess: 15:01

it. Mm hmm, really and it's just because of who you are and I want to tell you, don't let other people take your worth away Don't give them that power. Let's go through and answer our ever-questions. I said that, right? I always say it wrong. Yes. Have

Randi: 15:19

you ever? Have you ever? So Jess, why is understanding one's self-worth important, especially for women and their mental health?

Jess: 15:27

It becomes the foundation of self-esteem and self-confidence. That's what we were talking about in the beginning: Where does it come from? When we, as women, have a very clear sense of what our worth is, we are more likely to set healthy boundaries. We're going to make our self-care first and foremost, and we're going to advocate for our needs.

Randi: 15:49

Well, and especially for women who are divorced and dating, or even younger women who are listening to this, when you know your own worth, you have much healthier relationships. If I had known my self-worth in my 20s, man, my dating life would have looked a lot better, and I would have made a lot better decisions.

Jess: 16:07

Honestly, if I had known I was ADHD in my 20s, I would have also been making a lot of different decisions. But yeah, it is. It really helps to cultivate a positive image of who we are. And it really promotes really good. I mean, I'm all good and well. I mean, it is good. Right. And it really just takes away these feelings of insecurity when we know how

Randi: 16:33

worthy we are, right? We're not attaching it to any other. External value. We don't wait. Yeah, we don't need praise. Yeah, we don't need somebody to tell me, right? There's just you. Mm hmm.

Jess: 16:48

Randy, how does a lack of self-worth impact us as women?

Randi: 16:53

When you don't recognize your own value, it's very easy to fall into negative patterns and self-criticism. You'll have a lot of self-doubt, and you will self-sabotage. Ooh, that's a big one—self-sabotage. We do it a lot. Even when you know your worth. That's if you have. I've seen certain patterns too; growing up, it's easy to get into those patterns, like self-sabotage. Or if you feel like, man, I'm not worth this, let me push this back and see'cause I don't think I should. And sometimes we do it without even thinking, and then afterwards you're like, Oh my gosh, did I just sabotage myself? And so when you do these things, it can lead to anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. And so without strong self-worth. You can often settle for less than you truly deserve in a relationship, in a career, in your personal development, or in friendships. And so when you cultivate that self-worth in yourself, you can break free from those. Negative relationships and those negative thought patterns and really embrace a healthier version of yourself and start living a more fulfilled life Man,

Jess: 18:04

That sounds, wow. I'm sorry, I'm like,

Randi: 18:06

wow. I know, like, oh, that's good; we should write a book. We should, gosh,

Jess: 18:10

that hit me

Randi: 18:11

in the feels right there. Jess, how can someone cultivate and embrace their self-worth?

Jess: 18:17

Those are the things that we talked about earlier that are hard, right? You have to practice self-compassion. You have to identify your strengths, and you really have to set healthy boundaries. If you're going to practice self-compassion, you want to be kind to yourself. You want to challenge that negative thought that tells you you're not worthy. Treat yourself to the same; oh, this is big. Treat yourself with the same understanding and support you would offer a. I'm always saying that. You need to be your best

Randi: 18:46

friend.

Jess: 18:46

What would you tell your friend? What would you tell your daughter? Mm hmm. What would you say to your mom if they were going through this? What would you tell somebody else? Why aren't you saying that to yourself?

Randi: 18:56

Yeah, you kind of have to pull yourself outside of your head and look at it from the outside, looking in, and be like, Hey girl, we need to have a talk about this. You know,

Jess: 19:06

I can actually imagine Randy doing that No, I do like talking in the mirror and be like, Okay, And then she's probably going to record it and put it up on Instagram for y'all. Okay, so the next thing you have to do is identify those strengths. If you need to make a list, this is the hard thing. Sometimes people can't do that. They have a hard time with it. And honestly, I've said. Go to your best friends, the people who love you, and ask them what they see your strengths as, and don't challenge them. Just write it down. Yeah. And then go home and think

Randi: 19:37

about it. Because yeah, we have a hard time, especially as women accepting compliments. Yeah. Two, we very much like to downgrade ourselves. And I've had to learn. I'm very like myself. Deprecating? Deprecating. Deprecating. I was like, She's depreciating. She's doing some tax stuff. I am. You are depreciating yourself when you do that. But but yeah, so accept it and be like, see what they see, you

Jess: 20:05

know? And just say thank you. Yeah. You don't need to say anything else. Just say thank you. And the other thing is boundaries, boundaries, and boundaries. If you don't know Boundaries, go back and listen to our Boundaries podcast, somewhere in

Randi: 20:16

Season 2, I think. Yeah, you can just look up Boundaries on our website and it'll bring it right up.

Jess: 20:20

up. Great. And we do a lot of swearing in that one. Okay. Learn to say no to things that don't align with your values. Learn to say no to things that drain your energy. Those times stink that you hate. Learn to prioritize your needs. And if you don't know what those are, that's the first step: what are your needs? Yeah.

Randi: 20:41

What do you need? What are you missing? What do you need to have fulfilled?

Jess: 20:46

Like with my relationships with my spouse, I need somebody I can depend on. I need somebody who is on time. Lord knows I'm not, but I needed somebody who was on time. Yeah. That balances you. Who balances me, who accepts me, who loves me for all of my crazy thoughts? Well, they're not crazy. They're just these. Projects I like. Yeah, that was my need. And so once I figured out what I needed, Then I was able to go out and date and find my need because buddy, I didn't know what I needed. So I was just dating; it was just random.

Randi: 21:17

whatever Yeah, with no direction, when you have no direction, you're not going anywhere, right? Same thing

Jess: 21:23

with your self-worth, your boundaries and your needs If you don't know what they are, then how do you identify them? There are also things you can do, like surround yourself with positivity, not this toxic stuff.

Randi: 21:34

though. Yeah. Not like a good, yeah, no, but like supporting yourself with people that support you, like choosing friends. Like we said, that chooses you, like seeking out people that make you feel

Jess: 21:47

valued, challenging society. standards. I love it when my daughter stands up and does things that I never would have done as a child because society was like, You can't do that. We're doing that hot tub thing here. It's a hot tub, hot springs, hot springs with the moms I don't know if I would have ever gone on my bathing suit before, but now I'm like, whatever, whatever. Yeah. Just don't take

Randi: 22:10

photos and post them on. I'm like, I just stick my fupa in there and let's roll it up, and let's go, girl.

Jess: 22:17

Thank you. That's what I'm going to be thinking of now when we do that, Wendy. Thank you. You're welcome. Oh my gosh. Okay. If you're having a hard time, as always, go to therapy. Go find friends or professional support that can help you through this. What

Randi: 22:31

else, Randy? Practice self-care, so engage in things that really fill your cup. Nourish your mind, nourish your body, and make your soul happy. Whether that is taking a bubble bath, practicing mindfulness, going on a walk, or doing a hobby,. It doesn't have to cost anything; it doesn't have to be something huge. Just spend time with yourself and then reflect on your self-worth. What have you achieved? What makes you feel good about yourself? What challenges have you overcome? Recognizing your resilience and the strength that you possess at your core is so powerful. Mindfulness and being present. In the moment where you're at now, start to learn about your thoughts and your emotions, noticing patterns that can really help you counteract negative self-talk and self-judgment that we have, which really, really help promote self-acceptance and thus your self-worth. And like we were saying, surround yourself with. Friends and a support system that also leads to seeking a community that is supportive of you, connecting with people that understand where you're at, appreciating your self-worth, supporting each other, sharing those positive experiences, and exchanging ideas to grow. I feel like a lot of the time, when we don't get encouragement from other women, we are also brilliant in our own ways. And if we pulled resources together, that's even more empowering.

Jess: 24:03

We have the mom group; it's got all these women in it. There's a woman that shows up; she's really introverted and really shy. She shows up. She shows up, and she's come several times to different. Yeah, it's hard I love that

Randi: 24:17

she does it but she shows up because she wants it Yeah, and that's what I tell women: if you want it, you have to show up ice to wait for people to like invite me, and I said, You know what? Forget this, I'm going to be the ringleader. I'm going to be very, very shy. You wouldn't know it My friends are like no way were you ever. I was very, very shy. I also had really bad anxiety due to undiagnosed ADHD, and I was tired of sitting on the sidelines. I wanted this. So I went out and built that community for myself, and I put myself out there, painstaking as it was. I would say I'm an introverted extrovert, but. I found my people through that because I put myself out there, and they were like, Oh, I've been looking for this too, but you never know until you push yourself out there. It is a painful process, but I grew from it and became stronger from it. I gained so much self-worth from

Jess: 25:16

that. and she says it is a painful process. Part of that is growing. Think about when you're a kid; it's not bad.

Randi: 25:23

painful,

Jess: 25:24

no. But think about when you had growing pains as a kid. It was painful. But you're growing, and you're

Randi: 25:29

developing. Yeah. I think of it like a kind of little butterfly cocoon, you know, flying away. But she's flapping; she's flapping; she's flapping. It was; it's like a metamorphosis when you are able to. Push past things you have felt boxed in by your whole life. Did I ever think like I would be somebody that was well known in my community, that people would look to, or that I would be on social media? F no.

Jess: 25:55

Oh, my God. They all love Randy. Where's Randy? Is Randy coming? No. And I.

Randi: 25:58

I still don't think that about myself, but Jess is like, Oh, God but I'm like,

Jess: 26:01

I'm having another cookie party, Randy; you better show up because they're not here for me. All my cookies. They're here for Randy.

Randi: 26:07

But it's because I have put myself out there and made myself vulnerable. People respond to that because I am very real when it comes down to it. but it took me a long time to find myself worth and that's Another thing that this is a lifelong process, and it requires a lot of patience with yourself and a lot of compassion with yourself. knowing that you are deserving of that will help pave that road. If you feel like maybe you're kind of feeling off, like how do we pinpoint? low self worth or low self esteem?

Jess: 26:39

If you're constantly self criticizing yourself, if you're constantly seeking external validation and what I mean by that is you're looking for other's approval of you. Is this okay? Did I do good? Do you like this? If you fear failure, like Randy was just talking about, if you're afraid to fail and you're avoiding opportunities that might be amazing for you, that is a sign Oh, this one. Stop comparing yourself to other people. You are not other people. I don't care what they drive or what they wear. You are not them. Right. And you're only seeing a part of what they show you, okay? And they only show good stuff half the time. Yeah,

Randi: 27:19

there's only a highlight reel and that's not real life. No

Jess: 27:22

If you're neglecting who you are, neglecting your self care, you're just not feeling worthy of being loved. or being happy if you're settling for less, if you're saying, that's fine, I'll take this, it's fine. Or you're not dating somebody or with somebody that has the same potential. And I mean by you, that sounded really bad. But if, if, if you're not You're settling for somebody who isn't worthy. I

Randi: 27:49

Don't say that if you know that when you're with somebody, they are really worthy of you. Mm, hmm, and you of them? Yeah, and I feel so many times speaking personally as a young woman. I settled for less, and I knew that they weren't going to amount to where I was going, but at that time, I didn't feel like I deserved more. Yeah,

Jess: 28:20

The last thing we talked about was that if you have a difficult time accepting compliments, when somebody gives you a compliment, all you have to say is thank you. You don't need to say anything else. It's as a woman, or I was like, Oh, I like your shirt. Oh great. You know where I got this? No, just say thank you. If they want to know where you got it, they're going to say, Where'd you get it? Just say thank you.

Randi: 28:42

you or thanks. And I always try because that. Always makes me feel good, even though it's something so silly and we don't hold all of our self worth, but it just makes me smile when somebody does that and goes out of their way. So I always try when I go out, if I'm out shopping or whatever, like at least one person I try to say oh my God. It's I love like your hair or like your shoes or like your, you should see, and I truly do when I'm saying it, I'm not just like picking don't lie. Yeah. But you should see the way these women's faces light. And it's like, it's like a plant that needs water and if just that moment and they could hold that with them, you don't know how long, or that might be a lifeline that they're hanging on to just reach out and be kind to people too. And I feel that is a great way to to build self worth. I always feel like when I'm having a hard time, I go out and help other people. I volunteer, I do philanthropic work, because There is always somebody out there who is suffering worse than and am, and it can sometimes put things into perspective. But it's

Jess: 29:48

not a comparison. No. Don't compare yourself. No. It's so funny, I was just thinking, I remember my husband and I were at dinner one night, I don't remember where it was, like downtown somewhere, and this guy came in, he was very well put together, older guy, he had a nice tie, a nice long coat, which we don't see very often, and I, and I remember saying, wow, and I told him, wow, you are put together very well. And he said, I know. And as women,. Okay. And I was like, Why is it a man can be like, I know, and he smiled at me. This older guy and my husband were like, Okay, but like, a woman wouldn't have said that, which I was like, huh?

Randi: 30:24

That's interesting. She would have been like, Oh, really?

Jess: 30:26

Yeah. Why can't we be like, I know? Yeah. I know. I just thought that was so cool. It was just so funny when he said that, though. Randy, can self-worth be improved?

Randi: 30:37

Absolutely. Self worth is not fixed. It's not predetermined. It can be improved upon. It can be nurtured through self reflection, through self care, and really committing to your personal growth with practice and with self compassion and learning to love yourself. You can develop a strong sense of self worth and build your self esteem over time. Remember that this is just a journey and it can take a lot of time and effort. But you are worthy of investing in yourselves. Just how can we understand self worth and how it impacts our relationships?

Jess: 31:14

It's interesting that earlier we separated relationships and a career. We had said, Have you ever done those as two separate things? But I really think that it

Randi: 31:24

is a relationship, your career.

Jess: 31:26

Yeah. Yeah. It's almost the same thing, Within your relationships and in your career if you need to set healthy boundaries, if you have a strong sense of your own self worth, you're not going to accept a crappy job. You're not going to to be

Randi: 31:43

used like a doormat. Yeah, you're not going to accept it. Accept

Jess: 31:45

a crappy partner, you're gonna say, this is what I need and what I want. If you're gonna make these authentic connections, same thing for relationships and in career, right? You're going to meet people who recognize you and, and you are going to recognize them for what you bring to the table and what you're worth and your self-confidence. Yeah. It's

Randi: 32:09

amazing. Based on equality you know, and you can reciprocate things with each other and you're lifting each other up instead of pulling each other down.

Jess: 32:22

And when you can trust in yourself you're gonna know that you're feeling fulfilled in your relationships, in your career, in your life. There's so many ways that it just really. Your relationships, your careers, which you're right, they're the same thing. You're dating your work, you're dating your spouse.

Randi: 32:42

Well, and we'll kind of touch on how can self. worth affect your career, especially if you're having low self worth. And those are things like you can feel like you have imposter syndrome, which we talked about in a different podcast where you doubt your abilities, you feel like a fraud and that you feel very inadequate And so you don't pursue climbing up the ladder or accepting promotions because you don't feel worthy of it. And you're settling for less than in those positions and not growing and not using your skills or not finding passion in your work. fear of failure. Well, that can be a personal or in your career because if you're afraid to grow in your career too, it's going to hold you back.

Jess: 33:21

You don't take that chance. You don't ask for that raise or you don't ask for that promotion. If you're not stepping up and saying I'm here. I would like this because these are what my needs are. You're not going to get them.

Randi: 33:35

If you don't ask, you'll never know and that leads into having a lack of assertiveness because you can't advocate for yourself then when you don't feel you're worthy. And so how can you negotiate for a better workplace or a better salary or better benefits if you don't feel like you're worthy and that reduces your overall job satisfaction. you might be like, Oh my God, like I hate my job. Well, are you pouring into yourself?

Jess: 34:02

Mm hmm. It's interesting. I was just thinking that my daughter had said, I have all these women who are strong women. Mm hmm. I actually think I have all these women who know their worth. Yeah. That's, that is human. That's strength. That is strength. But, yeah, you, my friends know their worth, and they, Show it which is really cool. Sorry. That was just a little you know,

Randi: 34:22

we're like, huh

Jess: 34:23

Okay, so Randi, can self worth impact my overall well

Randi: 34:28

being? Well, yeah. It is so closely tied to that. That just reiterates everything we've talked about. When you have a healthy sense of self worth, it impacts your mental, emotional, and physical well being. It impacts your relationships. It impacts your careers. You have higher self confidence. It reduces your stress. you're more resilient. So understanding your worth improves your ability to cope with challenges. In so many studies that I have studied, scientific studies about coping, trauma, and resiliency, the people who were better equipped to deal with what life handed them that was traumatic and were able to pull themselves up out of that depth had more resiliency. and more self worth. They believed that they could overcome. Those challenges.

Jess: 35:22

I feel like singing. I believe I can fly. Isn't that that song? I believe I can fly. I'm not going to sing it. No, I

Randi: 35:28

believe I can touch the sky. Yeah, so we can't sing. But yeah, so we can sing.

Jess: 35:33

We just don't sing

Randi: 35:34

very. Yeah I mean, we can't sing. You're not going to pay us to sing. You're not going to pay us to sing. So with those, you can cope better. You can have healthy relationships. You can have a better outlook on life. Yeah. Because you are prioritizing yourself, your self worth, your mental health, your overall well being, putting yourself first is necessary. Just other resources or tools that can help. People on their journey towards self worth.

Jess: 36:04

Absolutely. There are several, there are a couple of options. My favorite. Yes. Yes, we all know I have this, a crush. Professional crush. Yeah. Oh, I was going to say professional crush. Girl crush. Girl crush on Brene Brown. I love the Gifts of Imperfection. That is probably one of my favorite ones that she has written. And if you like to do audiobooks, she will actually, she actually narrates them. So it's so great to hear her say it in her words and her voice. The other is the Self Esteem Workbook. by Glenn Schiraldi, I'm butchering all the names. We'll link

Randi: 36:43

them on the website.

Jess: 36:44

You Are a Badass by That's a good one. By Jen Scenario. That's a good one. The other one you had talked about earlier, therapy apps or other online. Platforms, Talkspace, BetterHelp, although I thought one of them just got busted, but I'm not really sure, so just check that out because one of them got in trouble and I can't remember which one. The other is if you're looking for a therapist, go to Psychology Today. You can sort through there and find a therapist

Randi: 37:13

that can help you. Yeah, with specialties that are near you, all that kind of stuff. Yeah.

Jess: 37:17

And we had talked about some apps that we, we use for time management. We've talked about apps that we use even Alexa, she'll tell me how pretty I am every day. I really need to hear it just so you know. What about like self help

Randi: 37:31

exercises? So journaling affirmation. God, I love affirmations. Yeah. They're so good. Visual, visual, visualizations. I cannot. visualizations, making a visual board to or a goal board, doing self reflection exercises. And we have talked about journaling and affirmations. And we have podcasts on those and resources on those on our website, too. If you go to

Jess: 37:54

Amazon and you Google or Google, oh my gosh, you go to Amazon search up. either of our names, you can find some of the journals that we've done for like gratitude affirmations. Those are up there as well. Those are there.

Randi: 38:09

We hope this episode has helped you on your journey to starting discovering your self worth. And remember that this journey is unique for everyone and it's important to find resources and tools that resonate with you personally and work for you.

Jess: 38:25

If you don't like our suggestion, it doesn't mean you have to do it. You can take bits and pieces of what we say and add it with bits and pieces from somebody else. Mm hmm. Whatever it is that fills your cup or fills your soul. That's what you want to do because your worth isn't defined by what you do or how others perceive you. It's about accepting yourself, flaws and all, and really realizing your true inside value.

Randi: 38:52

Yep. So take care of yourselves and remember you are enough.

Jess: 38:56

Oh, again, you are enough.