Soft Launch vs Hard Launch: Find out which launch style is your emotional lifesaver.

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Welcome back to the women's mental health podcast.

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I'm randy.

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I'm And I'm Jess.

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And we are two licensed psychotherapists, and this is a safe space where we talk about mental health, well being, and strategies for coping with life's challenges.

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And how all of this is normal, and you are not alone.

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Today we're going to dive into a popular topic in the realm of modern relationships.

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We're going to go over what is a soft launch versus a hard launch in relationships.

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We're going to define these terms and explore why they're called that, discuss their impact on mental health, and talk about how to embrace, normalize, and show support for each approach.

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Find us and more resources on womensmentalhealthpodcast.

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com.

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Have you ever had these thoughts?

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What exactly is a

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soft launch in a relationship?

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I really had to look that up.

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Right.

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What about a hard launch and how does it differ from a soft launch?

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When you originally sent the idea over to me, I was like, I don't, do I even want to Google this?

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Cause I'm a little afraid of this hard and soft.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Okay.

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Why might someone choose a soft launch over a hard launch?

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Can a soft launch relationship help the long term health of your relationship?

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Is there ever a right time to transition from a soft to hard launch?

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How do I talk to my partner about preferring one type of launch over the other?

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This sounds really funny saying this.

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It does.

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That's why I was like,

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Randy, what are you having me talk about?

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Can a hard launch put unnecessary pressure on a relationship?

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What if my partner wants a

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hard launch?

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What if my partner wants it hard, but I prefer it soft?

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Let's just go with it.

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Okay, hold on.

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I swear

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to

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God.

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Oh, I just ruined it and just turned it wrong for everybody out there.

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Okay.

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Okay.

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Sorry.

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Hold on.

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Okay.

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Do all relationships need to go through these launch phases?

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What's the most important thing to remember about relationships and launching them?

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Okay,

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so Randi, let's now go and describe what a soft launch is.

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So a soft launch, in the context of relationships, refers to a subtle, ambiguous way of introducing a new partner to your social Circle or online audience.

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So this might involve posting a photo of a hand or drink or a shadowy figure in the background or a meal with two plates.

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So maybe you're just hinting at that.

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You're entering into a relationship and like often like celebrities.

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We'll do this to introduce maybe they're entering a new relationship.

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I'm dating somebody, but I don't want to tell you yet.

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Right.

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And on the other hand, a hard launch is very straightforward, and it explains that you are openly in a relationship.

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And this is usually a clear photo of the couple.

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You've tagged the partner.

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You make public declaration of their relationship status, like Facebook.

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So,

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These terms are borrowed from a marketing jargon where a soft one prefers to a limited gradual release of a product that gauges reactions.

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It's like having a premiere or the very first episode of a pilot.

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That's what it's called.

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A pilot show.

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Or where they

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do they test products in like different markets So it might not be like all over it's kind of like dipping your toe into the water to test it out.

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See if you like it.

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And then it also helps you figure out in marketing, what works and doesn't work.

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While a hard launch is this full scale public release And so in relationships, a soft launch can feel like testing.

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The water's, like you said, dip in your toes, while the hard launch is a very confident declaration of, I am with this person.

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Like air conditioner.

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I was with air conditioner two weeks ago because it was a hundred and seven.

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I was like, no, no.

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Forget my husband.

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I'm in a relationship with my air conditioner.

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So let's talk about how these different relationship approaches can really impact one's mental health.

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So the decision between a soft or hard launch can reflect one's comfort level, or maybe your vulnerability about the relationship.

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Or if you even want to be open to public scrutiny.

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Or maybe, you fear like your family's, scrutiny or your friends.

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for some, a soft launch might feel like a much safer way to share their happiness without the pressure of really putting out there in the public and getting that validation or getting any type of backlash or judgment.

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One can say a hard launch presents confidence in the relationship.

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But sometimes.

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We don't know where we stand, we're not doing the, will you be my girlfriend?

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Will you be my boyfriend thing anymore?

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And so it's kind of like, I'm dating, I'm seeing somebody.

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You remember back where you were dating, you're like, we're, we're going out, we're going steady.

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How old did I make myself by saying that?

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Old.

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Oh my God.

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I'm going to wear his Letterman jacket.

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That's a hard launch.

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Okay.

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whether it's a choice between a, oh my God, hold on.

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Others might prefer a hard launch.

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Yeah, I know.

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I'm still giggling.

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Okay.

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I'll just wipe her for an hour.

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Oh, yeah.

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Oh,

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yay.

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Oh, yay.

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Hold on.

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Okay.

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Woosah.

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Woosah.

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Whether you want to have the heart for lunch or the song, you can

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do it.

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Okay, okay, so sometimes the choice between a soft or hard launch can be influenced by so many different factors.

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It could be like your personal comfort, past experiences, maybe your culture, what your family, thinks is normal or not normal, and the nature of the relationship itself.

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There's no right or wrong way to introduce your partner.

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It all depends on what really feels best for the individuals involved.

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That's not to say like, you don't want somebody hiding your relationship.

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That's not healthy.

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No, we're not talking about

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hiding it.

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But we're just

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talking about maybe you don't want all the pressure of everybody knowing everything.

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There's, there's a difference between that.

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And so

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I think if the hard launch, if you immediately put somebody on there, you're just dating, you know, there are people that I know that won't tell people they're dating for like a year.

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It's not that they're embarrassed.

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Everybody who's close to them knows, but Facebook doesn't need to know, or Instagram doesn't need to know.

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Maybe it's because you have kids and you want to know if you're a good match before you introduce them to your kids.

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Maybe you're just like, you know,, it's none of your damn business what I do.

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Okay.

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And that's okay, too.

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It really depends on each person.

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So it's really important to know that it's your choice.

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It is absolutely your choice.

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There is no right or wrong way to do this, but you want to also talk to your partner.

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that you are introducing is, how do we want to do this?

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Maybe your partner wants a soft launch and you want the hard launch.

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And so you have to figure out what that is.

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Or maybe they don't want to date a sixth grade mind like, Randy and I, and they're just going to figure out what that is

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because we keep giggling.

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But really, we just need to normalize that whatever people choose, we should celebrate their happiness and respect that that's their own process.

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And that, that's their journey, and it's not ours.

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And really be mindful, too, about how we talk about others relationships.

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We don't want to gossip about people and their relationships.

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We don't want to speculate about other people's relationships.

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that's what causes people to feel like maybe they need to, Go soft.

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Yeah, go soft.

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I'm not cutting any of this out, just so you know.

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No, it's so funny.

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I don't even think you should,

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okay, if we can get through with our podcast.

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Okay.

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Let's talk about supporting somebody because basically, whether you're doing a soft launch or a hard launch, I think a soft launch is more of setting a boundary.

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It's not putting the pressure on the relationship.

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It's letting it figure out what it is.

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Yeah, and that's fine, and everything does not need to be defined.

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I feel like we have.

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Or on social media.

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Right.

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Our culture feels like we need to announce everything to the world.

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Everything needs to fit into a nice tidy box, and that's just not the way things really are.

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Mm mm.

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Constantly tried to fit everybody in our culture into a box.

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I think that does more harm than good.

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And so you really need to just be a good friend or a good, family member and offer encouragement, celebrate that person's joy and just be there for them.

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Like If that soft launch doesn't turn into a hard launch, well, then that shit happens.

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Sometimes you need to take a little blue pill and then it'll be okay and you can go to a hard launch.

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Just kidding.

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Okay.

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You're killing me.

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You're killing me.

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You're killing me here.

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Oh, I think we just need to go answer our questions at this point.

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So let's real quick let's go through exactly what a soft launch is because I think we've just turned it into this Like joke and we don't want to do that We're giggling away because we have the minds of a sixth grader but a soft launch What exactly is that, Randy?

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So like we said, it's like dipping our toes in the water before you fully dive in.

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It's where you and your partner start integrating each other into your lives in a low key manner.

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Subtle hints, maybe on social media, maybe introducing them just to a small circle of friends, or maybe just your family.

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It doesn't, everything doesn't need to be a grand plan.

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gesture or grand announcement or on social media, like we said.

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Now, Jess, explain a little bit about a hard launch again and how it differs from a soft launch.

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Okay, so think of the hard launch as the big reveal.

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God!

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Big reveal.

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Oh yeah, I always have been reading too many smutty romance books.

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That's where I was thinking.

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Okay.

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Okay.

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I was trying to do it in a way of like marketing, but okay.

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Yeah.

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When you decide to make your relationship, official on social media or introduce them at family events or openly discuss your relationship status in a more public and pronounced way.

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It is a declaration of your status as a couple to the world.

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It is the, we are together.

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This is what we're doing.

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That's how it's different.

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Usually somebody in a soft launch relationship or like, you I think they're dating somebody, but I'm not sure, but they look happy.

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That's great.

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Yeah.

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Perfect.

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Somebody in a hard line says, Oh, they're totally together.

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They're dating.

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There is no question.

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And that makes the difference.

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Either one is totally fine.

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So Randy, why would somebody choose one

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over the other?

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It really depends on your comfort level.

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A soft launch can sometimes feel more safer, more controlled.

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You might have, like you said, if you don't want backlash and it allows you to gradually share, or maybe you just want to keep that to yourself and like keep it

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something so sweet and

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just not have anybody interfere with it or interject their own feelings and ideals on you.

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And we'll think about it.

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Not to interrupt you, but I totally did.

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Think

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about

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it.

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People are always Not to

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interrupt

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you, but I'm going to.

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Yeah, exactly.

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No, just kidding.

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What are you guys getting married?

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Are you moving in?

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How many kids are you having?

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Yeah, What about this?

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What does he do for work?

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What is it?

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There's

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so much pressure that

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goes, yeah, what does he do for work?

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What is he going to do?

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What are your plans?

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Has your mom met him yet?

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There's sometimes people will just go into so much detail about and you're like we just started dating officially.

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Yeah, and

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when you take on what everybody else thinks and what they feel and Whatever they have to interject about it.

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It can persuade you one way or another.

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You got to figure out if it's your thoughts or somebody else's, their thoughts, putting it in your head.

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So do you think a soft launch can help?

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The long term health of a relationship.

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I actually think it can and the reason being is that it allows the relationship to To grow and blossom as we say in its own time.

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There's no pressure It helps each partner prioritize their bond and communication focusing on each other versus, focusing on Other world, other families, societies, social medias, pressures, whatever that is, it really creates a strong foundation for your relationship's future.

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I usually recommend this when you're dating with kids, I want you to make sure you and this person really get along, can really connect.

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Yeah, before you introduce them to a child who is going to connect immediately.

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you want to wait.

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And so a lot of people will wait like a year.

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I even have friends that they've gone through and after they've decided they want to introduce them to the kids, they introduce them to their ex partner first.

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Out of respect.

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And I'm like, Ooh, that's a good one because their kids are going to be around this person.

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I've seen that.

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And that is so super healthy for the whole family because it shows mutual respect.

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Not that I need, your ex's permission, but it just says, Hey, this is who I'm going to be bringing around the kids.

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And this and we've been dating for a long time, and I think that is really cool.

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And that's why a soft launch can be a really good thing, especially when kids are involved.

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Yeah, especially when you're older and dating and there's so many other people like involved in who it is going to affect.

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I think that can be very healthy and very mature.

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Mm hmm.

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So Randy, Is there ever a right time to transition from a soft to a hard launch?

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Like, how

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does that work?

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Just like with everything that we were mentioned before, it's really deeply personal and it really varies between your relationship and the couple that is going through this.

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So some people might not ever want to move into a hard launch and that's okay.

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It's about what feels right for you and your partner.

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Like my sister in law and her, I say husband, but they've been together since they were like 17 and they have never been married.

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And they have three kids together and they're, let's see, how old am I?

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They're like in their late forties now.

00:13:54.568 --> 00:13:57.068
And so everybody their whole life was like, when are you going to get married?

00:13:57.099 --> 00:13:57.938
When are you going to get married?

00:13:57.938 --> 00:13:58.910
When are you And they were like, we're

00:13:58.910 --> 00:13:59.003
not.

00:13:59.003 --> 00:14:03.828
And you don't owe anybody an explanation about why you will or will not get married.

00:14:03.828 --> 00:14:04.778
It's no one's business.

00:14:04.778 --> 00:14:06.208
That's your personal choice.

00:14:06.359 --> 00:14:06.678
Right.

00:14:06.688 --> 00:14:06.889
It's

00:14:06.928 --> 00:14:09.028
just what feels right for you and your partner.

00:14:09.028 --> 00:14:10.769
You don't need, like we said.

00:14:11.104 --> 00:14:15.724
To worry about what society expects or how people want to put you into a box.

00:14:16.203 --> 00:14:24.203
So just how do you talk to your partner about whether you want to have like a, maybe a soft launch into your relationship or like a hard launch.

00:14:24.203 --> 00:14:26.224
And I feel again, this comes back to boundaries.

00:14:26.644 --> 00:14:27.374
It is open

00:14:27.374 --> 00:14:29.234
communication and boundaries.

00:14:29.323 --> 00:14:31.583
Share your feelings, tell them what you're looking for.

00:14:31.594 --> 00:14:32.634
Listen to theirs.

00:14:32.874 --> 00:14:39.634
figure out what each of you would like and what you're both comfortable with, because that is what's going to be good.

00:14:39.644 --> 00:14:44.879
If you go in and you're like, I want to wait a bit and your partner's like, but I want to put it online.

00:14:44.879 --> 00:14:45.609
Are you hiding me?

00:14:46.019 --> 00:14:48.999
Well, no, but explain why you want to do it.

00:14:49.009 --> 00:14:49.769
I want to wait.

00:14:49.798 --> 00:14:51.599
I don't want the pressure of everything.

00:14:51.599 --> 00:14:53.548
I'm enjoying where we're at right now.

00:14:53.859 --> 00:14:58.739
There is something so sweet about that very beginning connection and getting to know somebody.

00:14:58.859 --> 00:15:00.078
And let's be honest as women,

00:15:00.078 --> 00:15:11.879
a lot of time, well, me who, when I was younger, I would be love bombed by somebody and kind of feel pressured into kind of hard launching this relationship and then realize Oh shit, this was not.

00:15:11.958 --> 00:15:18.928
And then you have to explain to everybody, like why this didn't work out and this person really shouldn't be in your life.

00:15:18.948 --> 00:15:27.038
So I think there's a lot to be said with kind of, keeping it, on the download till you figure out if this, person is really the right person for you and your family.

00:15:27.198 --> 00:15:27.999
Exactly.

00:15:27.999 --> 00:15:29.038
This is a team effort.

00:15:29.078 --> 00:15:35.849
A relationship is a team and you both have to make a decision and maybe they're not going to like your family and you don't care.

00:15:36.412 --> 00:15:38.741
so you just don't want to put them into that pressure.

00:15:38.851 --> 00:15:40.961
You don't want them to, Oh, don't meet my family yet.

00:15:40.981 --> 00:15:41.701
Don't meet my family.

00:15:41.711 --> 00:15:42.902
Not that my, not mine.

00:15:42.912 --> 00:15:46.022
I'm just saying, there could be so many different reasons.

00:15:46.062 --> 00:15:46.371
Right.

00:15:46.381 --> 00:15:48.932
But if you don't communicate, you won't know.

00:15:48.981 --> 00:15:50.902
And so communication is key,

00:15:51.001 --> 00:15:51.761
exactly.

00:15:51.782 --> 00:15:52.101
Okay.

00:15:52.152 --> 00:15:55.111
Randy, do all relationships go through these launch phases?

00:15:55.741 --> 00:15:56.381
Not at all.

00:15:56.392 --> 00:15:58.251
These are just concepts.

00:15:58.251 --> 00:15:59.272
They're just ideas.

00:15:59.282 --> 00:16:03.611
There's tools to frame the dynamic of making a relationship public.

00:16:03.621 --> 00:16:06.029
You don't have to Yeah, this isn't the DSM.

00:16:06.029 --> 00:16:07.402
This is not actually a diagnosis.

00:16:08.476 --> 00:16:13.524
Social media, jargon, like you don't have to put any type of label.

00:16:13.524 --> 00:16:14.634
You don't have to soft launch.

00:16:14.634 --> 00:16:15.673
You don't have to hard launch.

00:16:15.673 --> 00:16:17.173
You don't have to medium launch.

00:16:17.173 --> 00:16:22.364
You don't have to, you don't have to launch, like there was, was that movie failure to launch?

00:16:22.364 --> 00:16:22.734
Yeah.

00:16:23.104 --> 00:16:29.283
And so your journey is your own and what matters most is what feels right.

00:16:29.594 --> 00:16:33.754
for both you and your partner and, your immediate family.

00:16:33.764 --> 00:16:41.104
And that is the most important thing to remember about relationships and launching these phases.

00:16:41.394 --> 00:16:41.903
Exactly.

00:16:41.903 --> 00:16:47.693
So ultimately what I'm hearing you say is that how we share our relationships is is a personal choice.

00:16:47.783 --> 00:17:00.833
It may be influenced by a lot of factors, but if we can respect each other and support each other's choice, we can create a more compassionate and understanding community, whether that's online, whether that's with anybody.

00:17:01.134 --> 00:17:14.119
At the core of a healthy relationship, really what is at the essence is that mutual respect, love, understanding, support, communication, no matter what the outside world doesn't matter.

00:17:14.170 --> 00:17:16.470
That's what is at the core of that.

00:17:16.779 --> 00:17:21.805
We hope this discussion has really provided some clarity and encouragement Yeah.

00:17:22.315 --> 00:17:25.144
Your own relationship journey, whether that's hard or soft.

00:17:28.095 --> 00:17:33.785
Remember to take care of your mental health and support each other, whether that's you're supporting hard or soft.

00:17:34.494 --> 00:17:34.884
Okay.

00:17:35.174 --> 00:17:38.335
We'll, we'll, we'll catch you next time on our next podcast.

00:17:38.884 --> 00:17:39.125
Bye.