Time Management Tips for Women: Conquer Your Calendar with Confidence

Randi: 0:14

Welcome back to the Women's Mental Health Podcast with Randi and Jess. We're two licensed psychotherapists and we talk about mental health, well being, and strategies for coping with life's challenges and how it's all normal.

Jess: 0:25

You are not alone. Today's episode is a valuable discussion on mastering time management, and we are specifically going to share our insights as a DHD people and

Randi: 0:37

therapists. You can find us and more resources on women's mental health podcast.com. It's linked below in our podcast description. Have you ever had these thoughts? Why is time management so important?

Jess: 0:52

How can I start time managing,

Randi: 0:54

You can't even say it, let alone do

Jess: 0:56

it. How can I start managing my time better?

Randi: 1:00

What tools can help me with time management? How do I deal with distractions? How can I stay motivated and avoid procrastination? Is

Jess: 1:10

multitasking really effective for time management?

Randi: 1:14

How do I prioritize tasks effectively?

Jess: 1:17

What if unexpected things come up and they disrupt my schedule?

Randi: 1:21

How can I avoid overcommitting myself?

Jess: 1:24

How can I make time management a habit?

Randi: 1:29

So let's start by defining this topic. Time management involves effectively organizing and prioritizing tasks and activities within a given time frame.

Jess: 1:39

Absolutely, and so if your ADHD or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. It's a neurodevelopmental condition affecting attention, impulse control, and organization. But the big part with this is that it has challenges in time management. Yeah,

Randi: 1:57

so this is very common among individuals with ADHD. You can listen to our podcast about ADHD on Season 1, Episode 1. And for women, these challenges can really impact our mental health by causing stress. feelings of inadequacy and frustration due to difficulties in meeting those expectations or deadlines.

Jess: 2:18

And so y'all are super lucky because you're going to get the insights from us as therapists and ADHD women. And we want to emphasize how we manage our time effectively and sometimes ineffectively. But it's not about perfection it's about finding strategies that really work for you.

Randi: 2:39

Because when you have ADHD, you have time blindness. She's sitting here tapping her head. I'm like, what are you doing? We have time blindness. And so what works for everybody else? might not work for you. So you have to try different tricks, hacks, strategies to see what really resonates with you and what will work for you. And in

Jess: 3:00

fact, I have different strategies for work than I do say for my personal life. And so I can be on time within three minutes for work. But for my personal life, sometimes I'm like, Yeah, it's gonna be really rough. And so I have different strategies that I apply for work where I know it has to be like a hardcore. I've got to be on time.

Randi: 3:20

Yeah, you have to set strict boundaries with yourself for different areas of your life.

Jess: 3:25

Exactly. And so it's just really what, whatever that works for you. And there are a lot of strategies we have, like breaking down tasks into smaller manageable steps, which we call chunking using visual or digital tools for organization like clocks or telling Alexa to remind you creating structured routines it can also make a difference. And in fact, we talk about it in several of our podcasts about how we really utilize our alarms, we use our phones, we utilize Alexa.

Randi: 3:55

Yeah, and I use an app called Structured, which is a daily visual planner, because I am very visual, and so it gives me these large blocks and chunks of time so I can see it and check it off because making like to do lists for me and checking them off is like really important for me to be able to get tasks done.

Jess: 4:15

It's funny because for me time is very fluid and so everybody views time differently and it's like the one thing that I've seen everybody has like a different viewpoint. When my husband and I first got together if I said I was leaving at two It meant that I was still gathering all my crap. Exactly. And I was trying to get out the door by 2. For him, leaving at 2 meant he was driving down the road at 2. You're there at 2. Yeah. And he was like driving and I was like, it was always this stressful thing. And so we've had to kind of work it out a little bit because he was

Randi: 4:46

like. Yeah, what does time look like to you? What does being on time look like to you? What does being late look like to you? I feel like these are. conversations we don't have you know, and sometimes that can be kind of make or break in some types of relationships. I think we're more forgiving with our friends of that stuff than maybe like our spouses or partners because we sometimes put a lot of expectations on those. it's important to understand like your strengths and weaknesses and be empathetic to the other person and compassionate, I feel, with yourself. I would always feel like so bad when I was younger, like if I was like late. And I didn't know I had ADHD. Now it all makes sense. I was always get like so frustrated and mad at myself. And then that turned into anxiety about being late. And so it's like these things can spiral if you don't look at them and kind of deal with

Jess: 5:33

it. We all know our friends. the other day I was going to one of our mutual friend's house and she's kind of a little more OCD, ADHD. And so I was on time. I was on time. I was so proud of myself. Because it really

Randi: 5:46

bothers her. It really bothers

Jess: 5:49

her when you're late. So I was like, I was hustling to get out of the house. I was on time. I was just. so proud. She was running late, but that wasn't my fault. And I was great. But I was like, she's like, wow, you're on time. I'm like, yeah, but if it was at Randy's, I would have been like a half hour late. I would have been like, we're on Randy time, whatever. Yeah, it's okay.

Randi: 6:05

I'll see you when I see you. Yeah.

Jess: 6:07

And so it's also knowing who your friends are or who your boss is, If you have the boss that says eight o'clock in the morning, you should be at your desk working, not getting coffee. You have to kind of also learn who you're working with. And I think you're right with our spouses. We're like, sometimes when we don't necessarily give them the same respect as we give, say, our boss or our other friends, because we're like, they may get mad and leave us, but you're stuck with them.

Randi: 6:35

So that's why it's really important that we say to set realistic goals and use these. tools, like timers and Alexa and or apps or even seeking somebody in therapy or somebody that can help you with time management. It's like Jess and I both use Alexa to yell at us and remind us about stuff like it's time to leave. Have you taken your medicine? The kids need to do their homework because we will get so hyper focused on work or even passion projects that we lose Sight of other things, and so that can pull us back in and it's okay. I used to feel like, oh my God, I should be able to do these things. Why can't I? Well, my brain is not developed the same as everybody else's. So I have to set goals that resonate with how I learn and how I navigate the world.

Jess: 7:23

I like to use a calendar. I still use old school paper, pen, agenda. I need to touch it and feel it. I know you're using a phone. I can't do that. I do a lot on paper, too. Okay, I use an old school agenda. A couple weeks ago, I was getting a massage, and they had called me because my lady was sick, and they said, well, we can't get you in here, but we can get you in at this time. And I was like, okay, cool. I didn't write it down. Oh, no. I showed up an hour early. I was like, Oh, hi, I'm here. At least you showed up. Right? And she's like, Did I tell you 12? I was like, Actually, I don't know what you told me. I didn't write it down. Am I early or late? And she was like, Oh, you're early. And I was like, Oh, thank God I'm early. Oh, you're like that I can work with. Exactly. I was like, I can work with that. When do you want me here? And she was like, this time I was like, hang on, let me put it somewhere so I don't forget. But yeah, if it's not in my calendar, in my agenda, it doesn't happen. But if I put it in six months ago and it's there, I'm like, Oh, okay. I look at it each morning and go, this is where I'm going

Randi: 8:22

today. Yeah. I have to check in with my calendar every morning and see, okay, I have this meeting. I have this, I have this appointment. The kids have this, whatever it is, we have to schedule like date nights, like everything. If it's not on the calendar, it doesn't exist to me. And I have one on the fridge that we write. I have one. Have you seen that

Jess: 8:41

really cool one? All of the glass ones? No, it's the one that takes all of your, Oh, I can't think of the name of it right now. Oh, is it a digital one? It's a digital one. And what it does, it goes out and it pulls like, say your husband's Google calendar and your Apple calendar and your kids calendar. And it puts it all in this really pretty little digital frame. And so you keep the one frame. in the kitchen. So everybody's calendars pulled in.

Randi: 9:07

I need that. We'll have to look it up and link it. Yeah.

Jess: 9:10

The only thing that I saw, all the moms that I work with are like, Oh is that you can't put it in the one calendar and then it spits it out to all the other ones. Last I checked. So that was the one bummer. That was the one hook up in it. Everybody has different calendars and it just pulls from it and says, okay, this is what we're doing. And then when it's not a calendar, it's like a frame.

Randi: 9:28

Yeah, that's cool. So it's still aesthetic and can be in your home and like kind of like a hub spot. I had just downloaded this one too. I haven't really looked at it much, but it's a couple's calendar. So it's for you and your partner or spouse. And you put in, it does pull from all of your calendars, same Google, Outlook, Gmail, whatever. And then it also does date nights and things and reminds you to That time together. So that's like a calendar for like also connection and stuff like that. So that's, that's how cool. That was kind of cool. I just sent it to my husband and I was like, Hey, take a look at this and what do you think about, you know this because we've slipped to not getting in the habit of doing our daily date nights and that kind of, I feel like affects like our overall relationship. So we are like, we need to get back to like scheduling that and doing that. That's

Jess: 10:13

interesting. So have we, and I think it might just be the time of year we like season. Yeah. I think a lot of people are. I feel like I'm feeling really disconnected right now because we're going in like 8, 000 directions. And so I know in like two weeks when we kind of do a shutdown, we're going to make sure we connect. Yeah. I think it's just the timing. And again, this is a time management thing.

Randi: 10:32

Right? And I feel too, like as a woman. And go back and listen to our kin keeping episode. All three of them that we've done. We take on so many roles during the holidays that it just gets overwhelming. And so our relationship gets put like on the back burner. And the holidays can be like a really, really tough time, like emotionally. So it's like not the time to be doing that. It's the time to be kind of like supported and feel like you're being like fulfilled in your relationship. So that's why I was like, okay, like maybe this would be like a good like connection and communication. point. I think that's a great idea.

Jess: 11:05

I'll have to take a look at that. So We do want to go through and, and really say, if you have a spouse, cause our spouses are, well, mine's not ADHD. But if you have a spouse who's ADHD or your spouse to somebody who is one with ADHD, if I haven't said that right, it's really important to find some understanding and be able to have an open communication with them. We want to make sure that, like talking about the time thing, what does that mean? and working it out so it isn't a fight because

Randi: 11:35

when you have that better communication and that support, it makes it a lot easier to navigate this stuff.

Jess: 11:41

It does because you're not going we're leaving it too. And somebody is frustrated because they're not ready yet. It's like, what time do we need to be there? Okay. What time do you want to leave? Okay. So what time are you going to start getting ready? Because we'll

Randi: 11:53

even do that. And I need your support doing this or helping with this. this or getting this one kid ready if it's like family pictures, say you know, and like this, this and this, and we know this is going to happen or this could blow up or this kid could melt down. So how can we manage this best together and separately?

Jess: 12:08

And sometimes it's even, okay, what time are you getting in the shower? What time do you want the bathroom by? Even though it's a huge bathroom, I don't want to put on makeup and do my hair when he's steaming up the bathroom, right? So it's always like, okay, what is our time and having that bigger communication versus the parties at two. Exactly. All right, we've gotten so much amazing feedback from y'all that you really like when we go through and answer the have you ever, have you ever, ever, say that for me. I can never say it, Randy. The have

Randi: 12:34

you ever questions. Yes. So we're going to go through and answer those questions for you guys.

Jess: 12:40

Okay, so Randi, why is time management so important?

Randi: 12:44

So time management is like your very own magical time clock. It helps you prioritize tasks, stay organized, and achieve your goals without feeling overwhelmed. When you can effectively manage your time, you can reduce your overall stress, increase your productivity, and find more time for the things you love you know, and self care and feeding your soul and filling up your cup. You

Jess: 13:09

know, I never thought of it that way. I guess I always thought time management so you don't be late. That's really funny. Because if you

Randi: 13:14

think about that think of the positives of it, it doesn't seem as daunting. Yeah. Like I'm always

Jess: 13:20

like, Oh, I don't wanna get in trouble cause I'm gonna be late, but it's more like, Oh wait, if I plan it correctly and I manage my time. That means I can do the things that I want to do as well, right?

Randi: 13:29

Because, yeah, because it used to feel like so like anxiety inducing to me. But now that I know how to manage it a little bit better, it's not so overwhelming and I feel like I have more control than over the situation. So just how can you start managing your time better?

Jess: 13:47

The very first thing is to just be real with yourself. Really take a look at Where your time is going because you got to figure

Randi: 13:54

out where you're not be a good thing to like journal whereas you can see maybe where you're wasting time or where you are giving too much time and you need to take some time back, right?

Jess: 14:03

So where is the time set going or where is the you know what we call the procrastination pitfalls? then what I want you to do is go through and create a schedule or to do list. I love my to do list that helps me stay on track and I don't go through and highlight and it's not all pretty. It's not all of that. It's just my mind dump just so I can get it there. then break up all of those tasks into smaller, more manageable chunks. That's called chunking.

Randi: 14:30

Yeah. I remember when I graduated. College, I got a book called Eat That Frog, and it was about doing the hardest task first and getting it out of the way, and then you could manage the other ones, do the one that was like stressing you out the most, because we don't. We always usually put that at the end, and then we're all day like dreading like, I don't want to do this, or I don't want to make this phone call, or I don't want to run this errand. And if you just get it out of the way first, then you're, oh, you can sigh, and like, okay, and then the rest doesn't seem like as bad, you know?

Jess: 15:01

yeah. Yeah. it's trying to manage it or if it's going to take a long time, do a little bit each day set aside half hour each day just to knock it out first thing in the morning instead of spending all day.

Randi: 15:12

Yeah. Sometimes I'll do that. If I know it's like a big like project, I'll be like, okay, I'll do 30 minutes today. I'll do an hour tomorrow. I'll do an hour. So it doesn't seem so like

Jess: 15:21

when I'm trying to do my accounting, get it ready for taxes. I start like in August. So that way I'm ready in February. Okay. So Randy, what tools can help with time

Randi: 15:30

management? Well, like we kind of mentioned, there are so many cool tools out there to help you conquer time management. You can use productivity apps. There's Trello, there's to do list, there's a notion. you can set reminders on your calendar. You can set reminders on Alexa or Google Home or whatever it is you have like that and kind of track your progress Is this working for me? Is this not working for me? And change it up if it's not. You don't have to be like, okay, well, everybody's using this. And so I should use that too. If it's not working for you, throw it out the window, try something else. And don't forget go to fashion sticky notes. That's where I started doing first before we had all these cool apps and stuff I would put sticky notes like all over my desk and my monitor and whatever to remind myself of things and I also love planning But I also love buying planners and then never using them

Jess: 16:24

And what I've seen at your house, you're really good at too is I've seen you on this whiteboard

Randi: 16:29

The dog's out. Who let the dogs out?

Jess: 16:33

If you can't hear the little pitter patters running through. Oh, I was gonna say at your house, I went through and you had this amazing brain thing and timeline, like a whiteboard that you, you just went through.

Randi: 16:44

Yeah. I have multiple whiteboards in my office. So when I have like ideas. And I need to sift through them in my head and make plans. I will just put them out. And then if I want to remember that, I take a picture of it and stick it in my phone and then erase it so I can come back to it and start on the next project. Yeah, that's

Jess: 17:00

really cool.

Randi: 17:01

how do you deal with distractions that come up? Okay,

Jess: 17:05

so distractions are really, really hard for

Randi: 17:07

one, especially as a mom who's

Jess: 17:09

ADHD. My favorite word boundaries, boundaries and boundaries. You have to set clear boundaries with yourself and others. Find a quiet space that you can work with. If you can't work near the window, don't put your desk near the window. Set aside a time that's really going to work. Put your phone on. silent, super silent. If you can't handle pop ups, flip it down. So you don't even see it. I

Randi: 17:35

have to do that. And working in social media, especially like I can go down so many rabbit holes. and I work from home, I have a home office and my kids come in and out. So I had to set boundaries. Like If my doors closed, you cannot come in or you have to check

17:49

clear

Jess: 17:49

glass doors so they can sit there and they just Stare at us. Like, Let me in. I know. And they're mouthing things and trying to use their hands. And you're like, okay, just, just open the door. Please open the door. Just open the door.

Randi: 18:01

there's ways to eliminate distractions set, like you said, set those realistic. time and boundaries and things that work for you. Yeah.

Jess: 18:10

Okay, Randi, how can I stay motivated and avoid procrastination? Oh

Randi: 18:15

my God, the dreaded P word. Procrastination, that sneaky little monster. You do have the power to defeat it. You can break your task into smaller, more manageable steps and reward yourself after completing each one. Especially important when you have ADHD because we are very reward based. So I do that for myself all the time in business and my personal life. If I get this done, I can go do this or if I get this done, I'll take myself to a pedicure. If I get this done I will spend X time like zoning out or whatever. And find ways to, to make the tasks more enjoyable. If that's putting on some music, if that doesn't distract you or, going outside of your office and working in a coffee shop you know, if you need to be around people and you can find those things that work for you to help eliminate procrastination. So Jess, is multitasking effective for time management?

Jess: 19:11

So I would like to say yes. However, I really think that multitasking can actually harm your productivity, especially if you're ADHD, because focusing on one task at a time allows you to give it your full attention versus trying to give. 20 things, a certain percentage of your full right.

Randi: 19:31

It's like having 20 different tabs open, which I always do on my computer.

Jess: 19:35

It is. And then all of a sudden you're like, why is my computer not running? And why did it crash? So really, if you could just stay on one task, you're better off. doing that for a smaller period of time. So

Randi: 19:47

like Jess said, chunking out your time, being like, okay, I'm going to do emails for 15 minutes. I'm going to do a team meeting for this hour, whatever it is you're doing in that day. Because even they say, even if you go back and check your email, it takes you like another hour. However long it took you just to check your email to get back into what you were doing again, it takes another like 25 to 35 minutes. So you're losing tons of time when you are distracted and pulled in a different direction.

Jess: 20:13

I'm so over here nodding my head like y'all can see I'm like, yes, yeah, yep, yep, yep. Okay, Randy, how do I pry? How do I prioritize tasks

Randi: 20:23

effectively? So prioritizing tasks is like playing Tetris with your to do list trying to fit them all in. We have that the Tetris like, board game where you have it in front of you and you slide them in and play them with the kids. So I'm like thinking of that, like all the things, like trying to, you're like, Oh, this goes in this slot. And then you're like, Oh my God, that doesn't match up like this goes in this. So you have to separate your tasks into categories. urgent, important can be put off to tomorrow and give priority to those urgent and important tasks, tackle them first, like I said, eat that frog delegate if you can, if you to other people, those You know, to do's that aren't that important.

Jess: 21:09

Walking the dog. I always tell my child, the dog has to be walked, it's yours. And she's like, why am I? I'm like,

Randi: 21:13

because I'm working. I'm bringing in the bacon right now. Right, like

Jess: 21:16

I got other things I

Randi: 21:17

gotta get done. So you have to be the boss of your to do list. You have to tell your to do list what to do. I mean, It's like one more thing we have to tell what to

Jess: 21:24

do. I know, I was like, wow, I wonder if it gives me feedback like my children do

Randi: 21:28

now. You have to wrangle it. You do, you have to prioritize. This is what's stressing me out, so let's handle this. Get it out of the way, get it off my plate, and then move on. Boom, boom, boom. So Jess, what if more unexpected things disrupt your schedule and throw all your to do list off?

Jess: 21:45

So part of that is. a boundaries and being flexible. Sometimes you have to roll with it. You have the best intentions to do something that day and your kid you know, school calls and you got to go pick up your kid and there goes everything out the window. And so really it's just learning to buffer in some time between your tasks. If something is due on Friday, don't try and do it Friday morning or Thursday. It is trying to plan ahead. Oh, here's the example. We tell our child all the time. She did this to me last night. It was funny. If your homework is due you know, you have a project due on say Tuesday. And they gave you a week to do it. Please don't do it Monday night. Other stuff is going to come up and you're going to be cranky or tired or life happens. So maybe do it when you have some free

Randi: 22:33

time. We just had a blow up about that too with my daughter's senior project. It was due and then she got COVID and was sick. And then I'm like, why didn't you turn this in? Well, I got COVID. And I said, but you already knew it was supposed to be turned in. So it should have already been done. So I was like, this is not, no, no, no, no, no.

Jess: 22:55

And so that, that is what adults do too, is that we know something is due Thursday. So we're going to get it done Wednesday. Well, guess what? Life happens. And if you didn't get it done, well now it's

Randi: 23:04

late. Yeah. That's why it's good to chunk that up and have most of it done. So again, yeah. You're managing it. You're not stressed. You're not overwhelmed. You're not waiting to the last minute. Like I used to be able to do that all the time, right? In grad school, I'm writing a 40 page paper like the day before and I'm able to pull it off. But I can't do that anymore. Because it affects like our whole family, my whole life. We really shouldn't have done it back

Jess: 23:26

then. No, we should. That was called, procrastination and ADHD and pulling all nighters anymore. You're right. That just is not a fun thing to do anymore. Speaking of which, how can we avoid over committing ourselves, Randi?

Randi: 23:39

Well, a lot of the times we say yes to everything, and we're here to say that it's okay to say no. We also have a podcast on how to say no, because saying no is part of having boundaries. And self care. Yeah, and self care. You don't have to please everybody. You don't have to go to everything. You don't have to have fear of missing out or FOMO. You can prioritize your well being. You can be realistic about what you can take on. I used to be an over committer. I used to say yes to everything and go to everything and do everything and plan everything and be everything to everybody. And I was like, I can't. And I like cut it all off you know, and then slowly learn to add it back in and I wanted to prioritize my friends that put me first and my family. Choose you. Exactly. and once I did that You feed so much more into those healthier relationships, too, and it gives you so much more back. I feel like when you learn to say no and have boundaries to things that don't benefit you or your family I tell people falling into the busy trap is very much a trauma response. We like to be busy, busy, busy. We feel like that's, being busy is successful. Being busy should if our kids do every sport and every activity and every thing, and we're a, All the Girl Scouts and all the Boy Scouts and all the thing and you're like, I hear from so many women that they're so burnt out doing this and I'm like, pull back, pull back, pull back. Like it's okay. You, your kids don't need to be everything to everybody. They don't need to have every award. They don't need to be good at every single sport. Like same thing for you. Learn to prioritize your mental health and your family and find peace with your time.

Jess: 25:21

I used to find that people go, how are you? I'm busy. That's not a response. That's

Randi: 25:25

not a thing. That's not you. No, I'm

Jess: 25:28

doing great. Oh, I'm loving life. That is what I've learned to say is how are you? I'm doing really good. I'm enjoying things. I'm learning to do this.

Randi: 25:40

Yeah, and it's like a blanket. It's not really is that who you are? We're all busy. Everybody is busy, too. I feel like it can be like an excuse, too. I had recently seen this trend on social media, too, called rotting, and I was laughing, and it was It's supposed to be like a positive thing. It's about giving yourself down time to just sit down. If you want to scroll on social media, if you want to binge watch TV, they call it rotting, yeah, rotting, just like laying there yeah, it's like a horrible like name, but I don't know, it's gotten like viral on TikTok for a little while. And it was like, but being giving or like lazy girl being okay with. Being having downtime. I tell

Jess: 26:20

people I actually teach people to schedule that in your calendar. So that's what the writing in your was about it. Yeah, that's funny because I actually say you need to schedule it. It is okay to go. I want to sit like I love to sit and make earrings and watch TV. And do I feel like that's bad. No, it's I'm going to watch TV for an hour and a half. I'm going to watch a movie. I'm going to do this.

Randi: 26:44

I want to schedule your downtime because a lot of times we don't give ourselves permission to do that. And so even though like lazy girl and like rotting or like not like the most uplifting term, I'm like, Oh, I don't like those. It was just giving it's just giving you permission to be okay with Having downtime. I

Jess: 27:02

call it self-care. Yes, exactly. That is self-care

Randi: 27:05

sounds better. Selfcare

Jess: 27:05

than rotting. All right, so remember, it is about finding what works for you. So it is okay to embrace trial and error. It is okay to discover the strategies that are going to fit for your life. Style your family and what you need best.

Randi: 27:25

Yep. And we hope this episode has provided insight and strategies for mastering time management, especially for women and those managing A DHD. Remember, progress is progress no matter how small.

Jess: 27:38

Take care, and we'll see you next week.